over moody DH

gouricocktail · Sep 7, 2012

DH stops talking to me for very very silly reasons. Every morning 2-3 hours he does not like to talk to me (infact to anybody around him). If I talk about any topic that he does not like such as family planning or job change OR he is worried about his office work or traffic OR just because he is too tired OR he did not like what i cooked OR we go to any restaurant and he does not like the food in that restaurant then he stops talking to me till next day afternoon and then he comes back to me by himself.
He expects me to leave him alone as soon as he feels like not talking.
This happens very often. Almost every alternate day. His mood is so sensitive and fragile that it becomes difficult for me to handle.

If I talk to him in such situation it leads to fight and I end up crying .
Even if i cry or shout, his mood does not become normal.

What should I do?
I have never seen such kind of a person in my entire life. I stayed in hostels when I was studying. I grew up with cousins. I have and had lots of friends. But never ever seen this kind of a person.

steve · Sep 7, 2012

gouricocktail said: ↑

What should I do?
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Nothing. Leave him alone. He wants it that way. Any question you ask or anything you say is an interruption for whatever he is doing.

It's usually not about you. Just go about your things: watch TV, read a book whatever. Just do your thing while he is doing 'his thing'.

I am serious as I can relate to this myself (in a minor way)

P.S. Yummy food/snacks quietly appearing in the field of view are good ice breakers

gouricocktail · Sep 7, 2012

I can handle this kind of behavior once in a blue moon but something like this every alternate day is a pain in the neck, I feel.

If I get ready to go to any restaurant and I am happy and excited then there are many situations where he looks at the menu card or the buffet items and gets angry and stops talking to me even before we start eating. This happens 90% of the time we go to any restaurant. (Please note: I have stopped picking the restaurant 95% of the time we go to where he wants to go.)

I am not exaggerating.

I don't know if he needs a psychiatrist. He says he is like this right from his childhood (never noticed the intensity before marriage).

steve · Sep 7, 2012

gouricocktail said: ↑

I am not exaggerating.

I don't know if he needs a psychiatrist. He says he is like this right from his childhood (never noticed the intensity before marriage).
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I believe you. So everyone around him tolerated him like that all along. Instead of brooding, take this as a blessing and an opportunity to lead. I don't think he will resist if you start taking the initiative (in deciding, moving forward etc) when you sense that he is in this 'hibernation'. Just don't make it look too obvious.

Many women like him to take the initiative in such social situations. But it doesn't have to be. You should look at the flip side and make the best of it. Coming to think of (more realistically, guess) it, that's how his close family (even friends) probably facilitated him.

Look at the glass half full, if you are inclined. If not, you will be fixated on this (messing up your mood) and you can not do much without being invasive on his "time/thing/shell/space" (messing up his mood!).

gouricocktail · Sep 7, 2012

take initiative doing what ?

he says he is not close to his family and only has a feeling of responsibility towards them. but i have seen him being quiet close to his family. his parents leave him alone. his mother is more into her mother, sister,daughter,etc who are all their neighbors and may be leaving him alone does not affect her/them so much.

me being in US can feel it more.

apaasn · Sep 7, 2012

If there is nothing you can do to change him then it's best to leave him the way he is!
If this is how his personality is then what can you or anyone do about it? Is it possible to change ones's personality? No.
How come you married him when this bothered you so much? If this has increased over the past few days try talking gently when he is in a good mood. Explain in a sad voice how lonely you feel and you have no one other than him! Crying/getting angry/getting over emotional is clearly not working for you! Try talking calmly and politely. There could be some hidden work or other problem which he doesn't want to share. Give him some space and see how it goes.

rose8282 · Sep 7, 2012

gouricocktail said: ↑

looks at the menu card or the buffet items and gets angry and stops talking to me even before we start eating.

I don't know if he needs a psychiatrist. He says he is like this right from his childhood (never noticed the intensity before marriage).
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This is absurd. Tell him you didnt cook in the restaurant for him to stop talking with you. Or maybe just read out some santa banta jokes..i dont know. But asking the wife to let him be as long as he wants to and then behave normally is idiotic. Why...is the wife stupid to bear all this? OP...why dont you give him the same dose? As soon as he drops his resentment and comes to you like a puppy...you start your drama of not talking. That should serve him right:rant
Maybe he does need a shrink.

coolwinds · Sep 7, 2012

i have a moody husband, too. i remember the "walking on eggshells" feeling. i am all about space and such, but this is ridiculous! earlier, it used to affect me, these days i am more apt to to tell him to stop being such a wet blanket or to stop making that face as if he just had neat lime juice! life is short, enjoy the blessings you have and thank God for them. i feel it is pretty childish to sulk and mope around for such petty reasons, such behavior is understandable coming from little ones, but grown men?:rant

atleast we women have PMS that causes some extreme moodiness, i wonder what causes it in men?

go to your favorite restaurants, order your favorite dishes and enjoy. ignore the sulking. give HIM the silent treatment when he intrudes on your space. for the sake of your own sanity, it's best to not let this affect you.

Ragini25 · Sep 7, 2012

gouricocktail said: ↑

He says he is like this right from his childhood (never noticed the intensity before marriage).
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If that is his nature (or close to his nature) from childhood, then that is his nature. His personality. You cannot change the core of someone. When he goes moody, Give him space, and he will do "his thing" and then later become ok. Discussing or arguing with him will only be a waste of energy for you.

steve · Sep 7, 2012

coolwinds said: ↑

i have a moody husband, too. i remember the "walking on eggshells" feeling. i am all about space and such, but this is ridiculous! earlier, it used to affect me, these days i am more apt to to tell him to stop being such a wet blanket or to stop making that face as if he just had neat lime juice!
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Just curious. How's that working for you?

This may explain this thing. This guy calls it the nothing box.

"The Nothing Box" (AKA. Men's vs. Women's Brains) - YouTube