Our body's shelf life!

Cheeniya · Jun 16, 2015

She was playing with her four year old daughter well past midnight. The young kid’s delighted squeals of laughter filled the house and brought a smile on everyone’s face. The kid finally slept off around 1 a.m. and the mother took an extra hour to fall asleep. She woke up with a slight head ache next morning and mixed herself a strong cup of coffee hoping it would make her headache alright. She was feeling slightly irritable and when her kid wanted to continue the previous night’s game, she brusquely told the child off. The child took refuge in her grandma’s arms. At lunch, she made peace with her child and struck a deal with her. If she ate her lunch without much fuss, she would resume the previous night’s game. The child hugged her mother tight and called her ‘The world’s best mom’.

The mother’s headache reached a throbbing stage now and she left her child with her mother in law. She shut herself in the bed room and switched on the AC. She dozed off in minutes. A couple of hours later, her MIL peeped into the bedroom and saw her DIL asleep peacefully. She had no mind to disturb her and shut the door gently. An hour later, her son came back from the office and called his wife’s name as he sat removing his shoes. His mother told him that his wife had a headache and was still sleeping. He was slightly irritated that she should be sleeping when it was time to switch on the lights. He entered the bedroom and saw his wife sleeping facing the wall on the opposite side. He went near her and turned her over. He was shocked to find her pillow stained with a large patch of her blood. She had suffered a massive cerebral hemorrhage and had possibly died a couple of hours earlier according to their family Doctor.

By the time we got the message and rushed to her house, she had already been lodged in an ice box. The child that called her the ‘world’s best mom’ just a few hours back refused to go near the box. She was too scared to go near her mother who lay pale and lifeless. I have seen heartless reaction of the elders to the sight of a dead body but this one wrung my heart. No one was referring to the young mother as Shobie anymore. She had within minutes of her death had become a body. The priest who arrived on the scene started going about his job in cold detachment. Some elders were discussing on the side about the duration of ‘theettu’ (a period of time when normal life remained suspended). When some people were told that their theettu would just be for a day looked relieved. In the meantime, the neighbours were keen that the final rites should be completed without delay as their life had to go on which could not be done with a dead body lying around in the residential complex.

By now, I had already reached the mindset of Nachiketas, the hero of Katha Upanishad. Shobie was the darling of the building complex with her amiable nature and helping tendency. But now the residents of the complex were getting restive about the delay in setting Shobie on her final journey. An old lady was telling the priest that a person dying on a Saturday would not go alone and she wanted him to do the necessary ritual to protect the living from the operation of this awful law! Beneath all the outward show of grief, each one was weighed with his own thoughts of personal discomfort caused by the death of a young woman. Shobie was gone but Shobie’s body lying here waiting for its disposal was causing a lot of concern to the gathering. What an irony this was! Throughout our life, we identify ourselves with the body whose shelf life is hardly a few hours after the life passes off! Yet we spend a fortune on nourishing it.

Shobie was a close relative who passed away last Saturday. I was attending the tenth day ceremonies yesterday and some of the things that I witnessed imparted more ‘gnana’ to me than all the scriptures I have been reading all my life.

iyerviji · Jun 16, 2015

My dear Anna sorry to hear about the death of Shobie. May her soul rest in peace. Your post is very touching and I dont know what to write. A great loss to the child and to the family. May God give courage to the family to bear her loss.

Viswamitra · Jun 16, 2015

Dear Cheeniya Sir,

A touching tribute to the young life that had gone to an eternal slumber. It is painful to see how the human mind works to jettison the lifeless body as quickly as possible giving a strong disdain to the body without the spirit. It makes me remember the words of Suki Subramanian's famous talk about the combination of the body and spirit commanding so much respect together and when separated, people are afraid of the lifeless body as well as the spirit without the body.

It brought tears into my eyes when the read the lines about the child calling her dearest mom as the world's best mom. How true it is that a life can be taken away in a heartbeat? I have experienced death at a very young age when I was in the school. One of my friend's brother was bitten by a snake and her mother was crying nonstop holding his lifeless body in her hand seeking help from others when all of us (children) helplessly crying along not knowing how to bring his life back. Only thing we managed to do is to tell each one of our parents so that they could reach out to the crying mother and help her overcome the pain and suffering.

Another painful experience I had is when I was working for a premier R & D firm as Chief Financial Officer. We had so many fresh engineers from all over India who were on an important mission. Once a young Engineer who used to call me "Anna" didn't show up to work for two days. I went to his apartment to find out whether he has any health issues. To my shock, he revealed that he has been diagnosed with very advanced stage of Melanoma and he is expected to live only a maximum of 3-6 months. His original complaint was double vision and he thought it was something to do with eyeglasses. He went through painful 6 months and I ended up calling his mother to move from Chennai to Pune to assist him.

After I grew up, I always notice the transformation I experience when I attend a funeral (Masana Vairagyam) only to realize that it doesn't lost for more than 24-48 hours. I wonder what prevents me from retaining that realization that life is short and there is no need to have the feeling of "I" and "Mine".

Adi Sankara's words

"[FONT=Arial, Helvetica]punarapi jananam punarapi maranam
punarapi jananii jathare shayanam
iha samsaare bahudustaare
kripayaa apaare paahi muraare[/FONT]"

makes sense only when I stand in front of a dead body. What can I do to have that constantly etched in my memories?

Viswa

jskls · Jun 16, 2015

First time I am reading your snippet sir. So sorry for the child's loss. May god be with the family.

Having seen the death of my own parents, I have undergone all that you said. it's so hard to hear lifeless person being addressed as 'body' in front of their own family. Oh, the reality of people it brings out to the surface is terrible. Especially these days with mobile phones ringing constantly, I did not see the courtesy to leave their phones in vibrate mode including the priest who was performing the final rites.

Remembered Vairamuthu's Jenmengal Nirainthathu Sendravar Vaazhga song.

Vedam sollathathai maranangal koorum
Vidhai ondru vizhundida chedi vanthu serum

Do not know if you read tamil but sharing this for other tamil people https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MG79HQDIDzM

Nimmathi Nimmathi ivvidam soozhga.

joylokhi · Jun 16, 2015

Dear cheeniya sir,
shocked to say the least of such a sudden passing away of a young life. My deep felt condolences. Yes, i have also seen what u described in the passing away of dear ones - the days following a death are the worst to cope with - But they necessarily have to be done. It is true - once life leaves the body- it becomes just that - a body to be dealt with according to the scriptures. Painful somehow.

Love84 · Jun 16, 2015

Dear Cheeniya,

Felt really sad and shocked on the young mother losing her life. It is true death teaches so many things in our life. I witnessed so many deaths in my life wherein my maternal Mom and my closest and dear most Grand father passed away .It is not that they are not here anymore they should have had a rebirth and should be guarding our life . The selfless love and affection i received from them is nowhere to be experienced.If i had a baby i really wanted my grandfather to love the baby as he loved me.Neither i had a baby nor he is anymore with us. He should have been relieved of all the earthly detachments which he had been burdened for the past 87years. Sometimes i feel where he is when i am facing much troubles in my life if he had been there i would have been really happy. I still feel that the dear ones feel hard to cope with their loss no matter what their age is.
Though death teaches so many things no matter how hard i tried humbleness and selflessness doesnt come to me .

Lathasv · Jun 16, 2015

@cheeniya sir,
I feel very sorry for that little girl.. No one replace her mom position... May her mom's soul rest in peace...

tashidelek2002 · Jun 16, 2015

My father was out working on his farm with his father when his father dropped dead in front of him from a heart (age in his 70s). From that time till his death, my father always kissed the family members (my mother and myself) hello and good bye. My mom said from that experience with his dad he always wanted good memories if he passed suddenly.

We all are one second from death but in our delusion think we will last forever. For this reason it is important to remember the impermanence of life and act to others accordingly.

shyamala1234 · Jun 17, 2015

Dear Cheeniya Sir
Condolences to Shobie. It is very sad.

I started thinking about ourselves, from birth to death and the way things are done as if in a hurry to send away the "body" who were dearest to us when alive......
Is it all drama or play when alive with even our dearest ones and when they go away from us in a hurry to send them and get back to normal life and continue our life? Yes. I have seen how people take about rituals, what should be done or not done, about "theetu" discussing endlessly and as you said with "detachment" by the priest and giving a big lunch with all delicacies, people chatting with each other. Is it all respect and love for the departed soul or farce? I do not know.They must have been surely loved by many when alive. I have only questions and no answers. One may ask :Then what is to be done?" I really do not know but this present scenario is not proper. That is for sure.
I am in Bangalore for a three day trip and going back today.
Yesterday I went along with a relative of mine for the monthly ritual pooja when a person dies in a Raghavendra Swamy math. Her son was doing the ritual inside a hall. She, me and some others were sitting outside in the compound. They were discussing and discussing family gossips...
This time a very serious topic and very very thought provoking. Many many questions linger in mind as Nachiketh.
Syamala

PushpavalliSrinivasan · Jun 17, 2015

Dear Mr Cheeniya,
This young mother's death took me down the memory lane. My sister died at the age of 32 in a fire accident leaving five children between the ages of two and ten. While the body was lying on the thinnai some relatives started talking about the second marriage of my b-I-l. Anyway he didn't marry again and the children grew up with much difficulty. All are doing well now. God is Great and He takes care.

Hope that Shobie's daughter will be taken care of by her near rand dear ones.
Though we do not know what is going to happen the next moment we Make plans for many more years.

PS