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Opinion On Reason For Divorce (someone My Mom Told Me About)

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ATI, Sep 11, 2019.

  1. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    I am sure many women in India might be thinking the same (in some cases men too) . But they dont have the courage to do so due to social pressure and fear of unknown. The are expected to sacrifice their life for others ( dh, PILS, kids, their prestige). The bold and courageous Mrs M had the advantage that she lives in USA and don't have to think about the so called 'society' much. Sometimes "you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." It is still a herculean task for an Indian women to walk out of marriage, even if she educated, independent or strong.
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2019
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  2. confused4sure

    confused4sure Silver IL'ite

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    How I want to see this day come true...
     
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  3. ATI

    ATI Silver IL'ite

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    Ahh but that’s the catch - ILs did not care for me or show me any love or stop their crappy behavior even when I was 8 months pregnant. So why should I let them disturb my life? Love and respect are a 2 way street. They didn’t give a damn about me because they assumed their son will take care of them no matter what the DIL says. They never thought I would be strong enough to put my foot down and their son doesn’t want to take on all this extra work for them.
     
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  4. ATI

    ATI Silver IL'ite

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    Interestingly my PILs never did. My MILs MIL lived in their native village and MIL never lived with her. My parents did - my dad’s mom lived with us even when she was super sick in her last years and they had to have a full time nurse for her etc. my pILs assume their son/dil have to take care of them while my parents are determined to be independent. Probably because they know what it means to take care of older/ sick family member. My dad’s mom had dementia and used to do the most insane things - break stuff; light fires; hit everyone etc
     
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  5. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    Nope.

    My inlaws have not taken care of anyone in that matter... the only focus is on son and daughter... cautiously brought them up in such a way that they don't 'catch' any other relation except parenthood and sibling hood.

    No relatives, no friends.

    They beleive that everyone wants bad things to happen to them and they taught it to kids.

    My husband somehow rebelled having a tiny group of friends ( which my pils hate).
    My sil has zero friends...only knows 5 people in her life ( her own family and her parents)... my niece who is 22 has zero friends knows only 5 people again( her parents and grand parents). She watches movies with mother and grand parents. I feel for her really. So many potential life lessons and fun memories missed.

    Being an introvert, I had some good friends and always had a bunch of cousins. It does make a diff.
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2019
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  6. ATI

    ATI Silver IL'ite

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    I keep hearing more and more of these stories . Just learnt about another couple - moved to the US when kids were <10 years old. The parents disagreed on how to raise kids (husband was traditional/ conservative; wife was modern and gave more freedom to kids in education, clothing choices etc). Apparently the husband didn’t like how Americanized his kids were and wanted them to move back to India but the wife refused to move back and live with her ILs. Parents stayed together till kids went to college, then divorced. Wife stayed back in the US and husband moved back in with his parents in India.

    I think there is a bigger social trend here - marry for society, stay together for kids and go your own way later in life
     
  7. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Trend? Not at all. This has been in the scheme since vedic times. People become Grihasta, and after having done their duty to the children, they take up Sanyasa phase of life. Old traditions coming back.

    Excerpted from wiki Grihastha - Wikipedia:
    Grihastha (Sanskrit: gr̥hastha) literally means "being in and occupied with home, family" or "householder".[1] It refers to the second phase of an individual's life in a four age-based stages of the Hindu ashram system.[2] .........

    This stage of Ashrama is conceptually followed by Vanaprastha (forest dweller, retired[6]) and Sannyasa (renunciation).[3] ........

    Ancient and medieval era texts of Hinduism consider Grihastha stage as the most important of all stages in sociological context, as human beings in this stage not only pursue a virtuous life, they produce food and wealth that sustains people in other stages of life, as well as the offspring that continues mankind.[3][8] The householder stage is also considered in Indian philosophy as one where the most intense physical, sexual, emotional, occupational, social and material attachments exist in a human being's life.[9]

    In Indian traditions, Grihastha stage of life is a recommendation, but not a requirement. Any Brahmacharya may, if he or she wants, skip householder and retirement stage, go straight to Sannyasa stage of life, thereby renouncing worldly and materialistic pursuits and dedicating their lives to spiritual pursuits.[7]
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2019
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  8. startinganew

    startinganew Gold IL'ite

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    A related story I read on Instagram. I do not know the veracity of the story though:

    "
    Emma was one of the 15 children to her parents. She got married at the age of 19 to a 27 year old man who was a tobacco farmer. Soon after their marriage, Emma was made to do farm work along with her household duties. Soon after that he also started beating her.

    The beating and abuse continued for years. From broken bones to threats of sending her to mental institutions, she suffered a lot. During these times she used to run in to the woods to get away from all the abuse. They had 11 children together.
    After over 30 years and all her children grown up, Emma filed for a divorce

    One day she saw a news article about Appalachian Trail, one of the largest hiking trail in the world. She was intrigued. After a couple of years she wore a tennis shoes, took a home made bag with a blanket, raincoat , a shower curtain and some other minimal requirements and started walking the trail.

    She was 67 years old when she started the walk. She walked for 146 days, and completed the trail of more than 3400 kms. Emma Gatewood, became fondly known as grandma Gatewood and she became the first women to finish the Appalachian Trail.
    "



     
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  9. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Emma Gatewood was covered in the NYT's "Overlooked No More" series.

    Overlooked No More: Emma Gatewood, First Woman to Conquer the Appalachian Trail Alone
    By the time Gatewood died at 85 in 1973, apparently of a heart attack, she had hiked the length of the Appalachian Trail three times — the third time, in sections — and was the first person, man or woman, to conquer it more than once.
    ...
    At 19, Emma married Perry Clayton Gatewood, 26, a teacher who later became a farmer. Almost immediately he put her to work building fences, burning tobacco beds and mixing cement, in addition to her household chores. Three months after their wedding, he started to beat her, a practice he continued until, one day in 1939, he broke her teeth, cracked one of her ribs and bloodied her face.

    In that incident, Gatewood responded by throwing a sack of flour at him, prompting a law-enforcement officer to arrest her, not him, and put her in jail. The next day, the mayor saw her battered face and took her to his own home, where she remained under his protection until she got back on her feet.

    A short time later, her husband left for good. Gatewood filed for divorce, which was granted in 1941, and he was out of her life.

    In 1949, she came across a National Geographic magazine article about the Appalachian Trail and became intrigued to learn in reading it that no woman had ever hiked it solo.
     
  10. startinganew

    startinganew Gold IL'ite

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    Rihana! :wave: (hi-wave not a bye-wave!)
    Thanks for letting me know about the "Overlooked no more series".
    And for sharing more details about the story. (Felt an inkling of sadness that he left her before she filed for divorce.)
     
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