Only Child (daughter) living abroad with aging parents in India

I sail in a similar boat.
For now i try to check on finances, like property, savings etc. for later if they will need more help that they can pay for everything like maid and medical bills. I try to assure such things are on the safe side.
Whats concerning me most about that is the fear i cant support them later financially enough and same time take care of the children properly (like college fees etc.)
Is it possible that you move your parents to your Mils city? In my case its clearly not so i dont need to raise that question.

 

This one is a relevant thread for you
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/relationship-with-in-laws/255038-helllllppp.html

Has some discussions on the same topic going on..

 

how about making them shift to an adult community?

See...they r not called old age homes anymore..

An adult community is something where u have a nice home plus lots of amenities
like a prayer room,library,walking places,people to take care of u,small restaurant inside and also lot of people just like your parents.They are also taken to vacation spots..

U can try that?there r amazing adult communities if u r ready to shell out the money.that u have to decide.It should work for now and ease your pain to max level

 

Dear JustLikeYou,

You both have responsibilities towards your respective parents and it does not matter what others think about who is part of the family and who is not. You have not mentioned anything about whether your husband has siblings or not. If you both like to go back to India, you should plan in a way that both your parents and your MIL could be supported by two of you whether they stay separately or with both of you.

My wife is the only child for my parents in law and when my FIL died, I told my MIL to come to US as she can't live alone at the age of 73. Even though she was reluctant initially, she finally agreed to come and live with us. When my father died in 1987 (my mother was 57), I asked my mother to come and stay with us wherever we live. She decided to stay either alone or with my elder brother. Every time a man marries the only child in a family, he needs to understand his responsibilities to take care of both parents. He needs to talk to his mother to tell why your parents are part of your family. That is my view and please forgive me if it does not match your thoughts.

Viswa

 

Sir,
If only more people had your wisdom and compassion, we would not be reading so many sad stories here.

 

I salute you for view and practical execution of it.. I am a man of your view as well. Good job and God would bless you in some other way for your view.

 

Please refer the other thread which has useful tips about your problems.

Having said that, every child has a responsibility towards their parents regardless of their gender.

First of all stop depending on your spouse to support your FOO. Start earning and stand on your own foot if your not working now.

If your parents are staying as a couple, let them be. You can hire for a routine helper for them. If they need, provide them financial assistance. Take them for routine medical check-ups
Visit them as much as you can, spend some quality time with them. let them enjoy their grand children.
Whenever you are living far, do not forget to call them every now and then. They will be fine

However, when they become lonely after losing their partner, you must not let them live all by them self. The western parents are capable of living all by themself, but definitely not ours.

The best idea is to take them with you. Plan it accordingly and ask your H
Be prepared to take the responsibility on your own... Their sponsoring, medical and travel cost should be spent by you, and not by your H. This way he may not treat your mom/dad as a burden to him.

If your H has other siblings, those can accommodate your widowed MIL, then initiate this accordingly. This way your parents and MIL not suppose to live under one roof.

 

Just a question.. why din't you planned your marriage accordingly while knowing that these problems will arise? Being proactive, you could have got married in the same city or somewhere close by so that even if you have abroad plans for some years, you both can come back and take care of both set of parents!

In current situation, you can visit them frequently, keep a tab on their health checks, make them visit you at regular intervals..

 

I ask this question to whomsoever share similar problems with me.

First of all educate yourself. Have a job and financial independence. Then plan your marriage accordingly.

Yes, love is blind. After having fallen in love with someone who belongs to another state, it is highly impossible to turn things according to your favour. In that situation, try to deposit some savings into your parents bank acc.

Because you are not sure how your life turns after your marriage. In any case, your bank balance can be a great support of your parents at your absense. While you are working on to sort out your problems, your savings can replace you there.

I did that, although I never had issues in bringing my mom to live with me. Just as a precautionary method.