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Online Cheating?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ashwathi, Jun 16, 2010.

  1. ashwathi

    ashwathi New IL'ite

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    My DH has recently been behaving quite strangely. He has created bogus Facebook profiles and added girls to it sending them messages and texting one from his mobile phone.

    I only caught him after he inadvertently left his profile open one day on the computer. He told me it was only a time pass and that he had stopped using Facebook etc.

    Today he had done the same thing and left the FB page open so it is still going on.... He is still using Facebook and sending girls messages.

    I personally take this quite seriously and feel that it is cheating...

    Your opinions???
     
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  2. Visu2k

    Visu2k Gold IL'ite

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    What is your husbands typical routine? Does he use the computer solely for these activities or does he visit these sites just to kill time?

    If he spends most of his time before his PC (because of work or otherwise), it would be natural that he may be visiting socializing websites. This may be a harmless pastime for him. Having some girls as friends on websites and sharing some messages with them is ok, but if it is becoming a habit to the extent of even messaging them, then I agree with you it is a concern.

    May be you guys need to diversify your lifestyle to an extent that once at home PC is not the only source of entertainment or pastime.
     
  3. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    It is cheating....no doubt, but please be patient too and not just pull your guns yet. Causually talk to him about what is bothering him...

     
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2010
  4. archana2008

    archana2008 Gold IL'ite

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    Ashwathi,
    Online Cheating is also cheating.
    Simple way to teach lesson to your husband is, create a dummy facebook account and keep it open on computer.
    keep it so that he should see that you created account.
    he will definetly ask you about the account.
    tell him smiling and laughing just wanted to try how this FB works.
    once he understands that the way he is exploring things you also can do it.
    he might stop.
    Few things people DONOT understand if we explain or say how it hurts us.
    Best way is show them what will happen if we also start doing something like that..
    Good Luck!!:thumbsup
     
  5. ashwathi

    ashwathi New IL'ite

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    Thank you for all your responses. Firstly I would say that using a pc is not part of DH's job. He uses it purely while at home for reading news, watching movies etc.

    To the poster who says it is normal for people to socialise on such networking sites I also agree to a certain extent. However things I have seen in addition ie the text messages makes me believe that this is unhealthy behaviour, and that there is nore than just socialising in mind ie to one person he has asked whether they have a boyfriend? Is that normal? And why would it affect a normal friendly chat....

    I also have a facebook profile which my DH knows about and he knows the password to that too so I don't know whether that option would work of just leaving it open....

    Besides the point here isn't too show him that I can use Facebook too.. are there any underlying problems... ie if this can be construed as cheating then is it due to a problem or shortfall with either DH or myself???
     
  6. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Excellent question, you are quite mature in your thinking.

    Ashwathi - strengthen the bond and create more personal time with your DH if possible. That will get him back on track hopefully.
     
  7. radhaparth2000

    radhaparth2000 Platinum IL'ite

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    I fully agree with spiderman here.
     
  8. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    THIS IS CHEATING.

    Do whatever you would do if you find a girl in your bed with your DH.
    Online cheating is just disgusting since they complete know what they are doing and build an illicit relationship from scratch.

    Stop it and give him an ultimatum. He has broken your trust way too many times. The more you keep quiet, the more faster this is going to progress and before you know it they are meeting in motels having a fiesta.

    wake up
     
  9. sarma

    sarma Senior IL'ite

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    It depends on what he is doing online. He could have women as friends. There are people who chat, there are some who may be playful, there are some who might flirt and then there are some who may role play and more. Not all of them have to be sexual or romantic, though a majority is likely to be.

    But would you consider chatting with women coworkers cheating? playful talk? flirty talk? So it depends on what it is.

    But sad fact of life is that (almost) everybody has these accounts and almost everyone is socializing at some level or another. Kids to old people and this genie is not going back into the bottle.

    Sorry, I can't say one way or another because the prevalence of this is so mind boggling. If you invade anybody's privacy, IMO, you will come up with something like this. kids, single, married, divorced... whatever! That doesn't mean it should be accepted. At the same time I have resigned to the fact that it is here to stay and it's difficult to do thought policing.

    Like spydee says the relationship has to be strengthened for better. That may be a more proactive solution.
     
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2010
  10. Vidya21

    Vidya21 Senior IL'ite

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    Everybody has bogus accounts to socialize?! :spin I have trouble keeping a single one functional!

    To the OP: Talk to him if it makes you uncomfortable, because everyone has their threshold for what and how much is going to be considered cheating. Let him know it bothers you to that extent.
     
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2010

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