One Life To Live

This is fine for a snippet of life. At points in life, we do a balance sheet, and see the built up equity. And wonder whether something else could'a/should'a been done. This wonderment is a good thing; as it may lead to other decisions we make down the road in the future. Perhaps, as you had asked, others might have stopped/wondered and may have taken a happier road. We shall see; wouldn't we?

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OK...
I must confess that (as a fan of Amerikan Soap Operas for a shamefully long time) "One Life to Live" had been running on American TV pretty much all my (one) life.

Here is what the wikipedia blurb says:

One Life to Live (often abbreviated as OLTL) is an American soap opera broadcast on the ABC television network for more than 43 years, from July 15, 1968, to January 13, 2012, and then on the internet as a web serieson Hulu and iTunes via The Online Network from April 29 to August 19, 2013.[2][3][4] Created by Agnes Nixon, the series was the first daytime drama to primarily feature ethnically and socioeconomically diverse characters and consistently emphasize social issues.[2] One Life to Live was expanded from 30 minutes to 45 minutes on July 26, 1976, and then to an hour on January 16, 1978.

One Life to Live heavily focuses on the members and relationships of the Lord family. Actress Erika Slezak began portraying the series' central protagonist Victoria "Viki" Lordin March 1971[2] and played the character continuously for the rest of the show's run on ABC Daytime, winning a record six Daytime Emmy Awards for the role.[5]
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Albeit all that, the desi life angst that happens when the children become independent (toilet trained, can eat without making a mess, and grown up enough not to tell-all to mummy), and there is no/no-joyful job to go to.
And the soap operas do not have any solutions for reality. On the soaps, everything is solved, as well as made complex yet, by the characters having affairs. Sadly, this is not a practical advice for real life, so much because, we don't run into hunks as often as the characters on screen do.

How to deal with it ?
Watch TV, treat yourself to as much sin-free pleasure as is possible/affordable, and be tolerant/kind to the poor dH, and the children. And those who report to you at work.

Yes.. I shall look forward to that Blessings-Count that you promise.

 

@SinghManisha

It is not even one life to live and it is one moment to live. We never know what would happen in the next moment. The focus in life has to be personal growth and development, acceptance of events happening around us, goal of achieving happiness irrespective of the environment and place ourselves in peace forever.

Now, the question comes what do we do with feelings and emotions that arise out of the actions and reactions of people that we care the most? The way to think about it is more we develop those feelings and emotions, expressed or implied, it creates negative energy around us. In my view, more we care about our feelings and emotions, the amount of similar experiences increases many fold primarily due to such feelings and emotions creating negative energy around us.

The guard that protects emotions and feeling is our own will power (dominant in our mind) to be peaceful and happy. That determination spreads positivity around us resulting in unpleasant experiences dying down slowly but steadily.

If someone is determined to hurt our feelings, and when we express how hurt we are, we are passively communicating that such attitude gives them control over our mind. If you remain unaffected by such emotions and feelings and eliminate them through your will power, peace and happiness dominate your life unaffected by the experiences. Eventually, the people you care understand your position and adjust their own behavior.

This is my experience in life.

 

@SinghManisha,

You are still young and I pray that your life becomes sweeter and sweeter as the days go by. I am 65 years old and I have also gone through a lot of ordeals before realizing what is the right way to react. Kindly don't feel bad and I am sure by divine grace, you family will have the nicest life. By reading everything you had written so far, I know you have a golden heart. Let the Lord shower His grace to you for a very happy life.

 

Nice thread Manisha How beautifully you put it in words... "I have so much happiness to share but alas,no takers. Is it my loss or is it their loss"? You are not alone here dear

I am sticking to the classic advices here like focus on yourself, practice self compassion, meditate,spend time with an enthusiastic friend,avoid energy drains,learn to say no,focus on what's going well .Also Viswa Sir's reply above
Thanks for this thread again

 

Very well put! I’ve just started to focus more on myself and use more self care strategies as I really can’t control anything else. Thanks for the advice above.

 

"I have so much happiness to share but alas,no takers. Is it my loss or is it their loss"?

This is so me, when young. I think, it is part of growing up- growing pains- that you are going through.
I used to think the same, there is so much politics, why can't they do work without politics, and everything will be so much more, more profit, more friends, more time

Then at home, I was like- we all put efforts towards common goal, we can be an awesome couple.

With ILs- I came with the opinion- live and let live.
Let me make money by working outside the home and I will also work at home running the household. I will love and respect everyone and put in my all in towards a better future- which will include everyone.

What you are going through is not midlife crisis but growing pains. Growing up to understand at work, no one having the bird eye view + passion + good intentions. A project has to be done but day to day work is about people interacting with each other- power struggles, comradery, chai break, gossiping etc
No one is worried about project on day to day basis, they are worried about the politics. In the end, still somehow all the projects manage to be done and people pull through.

In the end all projects, all marriages, everything else is about people or money.

At home too, it is not about being a perfect couple and living a life of bliss. It is about if neighbor think husband is better or wife is. It is about who the kid loves more. My parents vs your parents. Here again you are being caught about the love and life that could be had. But no one else is thinking in that ideal way. Every one is thinking about themselves- will she pass me the remote or do I have to get up to get it? Will mother give me extra $10 for movies tomorrow? How do I convince her?

People are caught up in mundane, and you with your bird eye view- can see all the turns they are missing and hence missing the "cheese".

Most people call this mundane- the life.
Most people don't have and don't care for the bird eye view

So, the solutions:
At work, out side home:
Accept- people acting like this- caught up in politics etc- the life- it is the life to most of us.
Try to enjoy it too- the day to day developments- gossip etc,

You are blessed with the vision/ visualization- note it in a journal- what do you think should ideally happen​

If you are not the manager of project, you leave the journal at home
If you are the main person responsible for project, use the journal to implement small changes

At home
Write down the ideal situation with all details
Start small changes towards the big picture- broken down to very parts

remember everyone is thinking abt only themselves

 

Nice thread manisha.
I always think its only 1 life. Why complicate it, take too much stress.