On taking offence at jokes!

Cheeniya · May 22, 2007

Dear Chithra
Oom kottaradhu is an essential reaction in a conversation particularly when it is over a phone. I have gone on speaking on phone for hours even after the other chap has put down the receiver thinking he was still there because he was never in the habit of oom kottaradhu!
But I hate Amam podarathu and the guys who do it disgust me!
The story I have narrated did happen in my life and we are still good friends, both having retired.
That Sunday Hindu reaction of Vish is so very typical of him nah? His jokes are all of the tongue in cheek variety and if he becomes a contributor here, all of us will be thrown out of business!
Sri

Vidya24 · May 23, 2007

Cheeniya,

For some reason, you write just two lines in your replies to my replies. Unfazed, I plod on with my lengthy replies.

Tell me who your friends are--- , so goes one. Tell me how you react to jokes and I tell you how robust your character is. I this particular case, the whole thing was so unfortunate. You did not mean anything snide, be it a communication gap, bad sour moment or wrong timing- and what died was a good friendship.

Vidya

Ushakrishnan64 · May 23, 2007

Dear Sri,
Your mail reminds me of an incident that took place in my life many years ago. I was doing my articleship training. I was a sociable person within my group. I would never participate in jokes by fellow male comrades involving girls, (you know the teen-age and young boys loose talk!!)
It so happened that one of my seniors started commenting about the girls in our audit firm..Beauty-Nil...Brains- not applicable and on & on it went..till it started getting personal with each of the girls.. In spite of my repeated warnings, they did not seem to stop and I flared up and gave them sound blasting. You wont believe, I have not spoken to one of the boys of the group until to-day!!!
May be to the rest of the group (mainly boys), it was a mere joke. But I took offence to it!!

Regards
USHA

Cheeniya · May 23, 2007

Dear Vidya
Ain't you on a well earned holiday in India? I thought your visits to IL might be few and far in between during this month and so I kept myself in check everytime I replied to you!
No need to tell you, I have always looked forward to your feedback on my threads and there were occasions when I wondered if my threads were not upto the mark whenever your feedback got delayed. Sometimes I even find it tough to match your incisive comments word for word. I have right at the beginning of my entry into IL acknowledged a few times that you are one of my prime motivators. How can I forget your insistence that I should have a forum of my own?
Coming to the subject matter, good friendships never die no matter what happens. Once a friendship dies or disappears, it could not have been a good friendship from the beginning! As I said, this man was my boss and we are still on talking terms. He smiles a lot too sans 50% of his teeth but does he remind me of Gandiji? No way!
sri

Cheeniya · May 23, 2007

Dear Usha
If those boys continued teasing in spite of your warning them, it is not worth keeping them on your friends' list! It is one thing that a innocuous remark is misunderstood resulting in a flareup but it is altogether another thing to be offensive despite protests. You are better off without such people in your life!
Sri

sudhavnarasimhan · May 24, 2007

Dear Cheeniya,

I agree that mood does play a role and you dont tend to recognise if it was a joke or someone is taking a dig at us.....also depends on the other person's reputaion of being a sarcastic person or your sympathiser....
Many a time in my depressing moods i have yelled at my better half for having a dig at me, which would have been passed off with an equally strong dig at normal times.....well we are all not Normal at all times na....so it can happen to anyone......my poor friends have also been at wits end when i would have yelled at them for normal joking ....of course i do later apologise when i realise it was all in jest or i did not understand them properly! Many a time what i say in jest has also been mistaken .....and of course in those times also i take the effort to make it clear it was a joke or was meant not in an offensive manner!
Well i have learnt a lot here ....so.....:tongue

Also want to apologise for having been away....its been a bit busy mentally and physically and so did not bother to log on and keep with you all...of course i did miss being here.....but what to do....being a full time unpaid servant andcook, and wife and mother and friend ( list is endless!) does sucks ones energy! he he he.....:mrgreen:

shreyasri · May 24, 2007

is this what people call "reading in between the lines"?

Cheeniya · May 24, 2007

Dear Sudha
If you want to be fair to your well meaning friends and of course hubby, you should have a small notice pinned on you with something like this:
i am in a rotten mood. No digs please! or
Hi Everyone! I'm in a jolly good mood. Go ahead and have fun at my expense! :mrgreen:
This way much of an annoyance can be avoided!
I counted five roles but what about the rest? I hear you are a Sathavathani! What about the remaining 95?
Sri

Cheeniya · May 24, 2007

Dear Shreya
Perhaps yes. Reading between lines is ok in a limited way if it is used to get an insight into the working of the other's mind but in the bargain the main lines should not be missed!
sri

meenu · May 26, 2007

DearCheeniya,
Very Interesting post indeed. Almost all of us must have been embarrassed at some time or the other when our jokes misfire. It becomes deplorable in some cases when the offence is carried too far and permanent tension prevails in relationship. I know of incidents like this where relationships have soured with one party continuing to bear life time grudge and the other wondering what is the cause of it. Yes, The ability to laugh at oneself and taking things light has to be consciously cultivated.
Regards,
Meenu