Older sister's attitude

Dear shawrup,
Cool down first! Your sister seems to be bent on making you feel small! Ignore her attitude when you get upset, cry to whatever she says then it is a victory for her! Seething or being angry is fine but then letting her get better
of you is a bing no-no! If she has not made an effort to hcnage hereself all these years why will she do it ever hereafter?? Cook to impress your DH is certainly funny!

 

Dear Please calm down first, from your post I feel you are very very sensitive, I can understand how you feel since even we are three daughters but when any one of us plan to visit our parents the other two will try their best to make it possible to meet at our parents home.

Come on.... once we meet we do indulge in small fights and arguments, sometimes it goes to extent of any one of shedding tears but that doesn't mean that we try to avoid their visits or don't like them to come when we are there. At the end of the day we are sisters and care for each other.

Did you feel insulted because she called u stupid in front of your DH, i feel it very funny because you were crying so badly just because she used "stupid" if I were you I would have called her an "idiot" and continued playing, I can relate to this because we to play cards in my parents house and we call each other "Dumbo's" when they make any wrong move.

Can you notice here your Mom feels there is nothing wrong in her attitude because all this is common among siblings and you are simply creating a scene.

What do you mean Impress your husband, she was trying to make varieties since your DH is a guest in your parents home, how can he ever think she is jealous, she came along with her kids only to spend time with you guys and you think awful things about her.

I try to cook different foods for my BIL's and they sometimes praise me if it comes out well, that doesn't mean I am trying to impress them nor my sisters are jealous of me, we even share our recipes.

Please change your attitude, try to be more broad minded and practical, after all sisters relationship is the best sibling's relationship, don't break it with your silly attitude. Think over it really helps in building a great relationship with her. All the best

 

Hi shwarup,
It's annoying when somebody is trying to put you down even if it's your own sister. Since she is older than you, I guess you have to show some respect as well and being the elder one might think that she can take all the liberties to behave the way she likes.

If you cannot stand her at all, my suggestion would be that change your travelling plans so that you don't have to spend all the time with her. If you can't than the best thing you can do in response to her off putting behaviour would be to remain quite. Whatever she does or say, just remain quite, don't react. Don't agree, don't disagree. Just don't react. If it becomes too difficult, leave the room or get busy with something.

 

Dear Shawrup,
I agree with' blessed' here.
With or without your parents (& other people's) knowledge , you have started and built on this bad feeling towards your older sister. hence watever she does or does not is making you feel more and more hostile towards her! I am not saying you are bad, you seem to feel low about yourselves compared with your sister.
But talking to you good over the phone but bossy/rude tone in person is not right on her part.
She might be plain jealous of you, like your hubby said. She knows that you have certain things that she does not have and hence she picks on you. May be . Not sure.
Watever it is , please do not give up on your sister. It is a beautifull thing to have a sister in life .You will realise this later on ,as you age. You will need your sister more than ever ,after your parents' time!!
All the best

 

OP, I am sorry about your sis's attitude. It is true that this tends to happen among siblings, but I think your anger/hurt has is not about this vacation episode alone. It looks like you have had been playing second fiddle to your sister during childhood, add to it your parents' support for her. This seems to have built up resentment within you and I think this is what caused you to shed tears during a seemingly silly argument.

Many of us have deeply buried insecurities/hurt/cravings within us, many of which are caused by childhood experiences. It is very difficult to overcome and change all this, though it may seem silly to others. Your sister cannot change her bossy attitude towards you, your mom cannot suddenly take your side and you cannot stop feeling bad each time something like this happens.

I think you should try and avoid meeting with her and your mom together. If you know she is also coming try and change your plans at the last minute. Give yourself time to get over this. This kind of problem is more common than you think.
Cheer up!:thumbsup

 

I have a sister like that. She is lot older then me. Yet she always started some some kind of feud with me. It could be anything like book I am reading or music I listen. Every single time she came home I would be tense. My parents did not know what to do. After I got married she tried to impress my husband. Then she told my children that among the siblings I am the stupidest, but luckiest. I ignored her thinking she has some problem with her self esteem. I never try to own it or feed it. This seems to have worked for me. When she says hurtful things I stop her. If I cannot I walkout on her. Other thing I do with her is just talk subjects like politics and mythology etc. Let me tell you she is very intelligent and she has DSc but she has problem. I know it is hurtful but let it not get to you. Do not look for support elsewhere, it has to come within you.

 

It's a very common thing. My sister used to be so petty and jealous of me. She enjoys making sarcastic comments and cannot stand when someone compliments me. I will keep quiet or snap if its too rude.
It looks like your sister is used to being bossy and you are used to being quiet. Don't show you are hurt by her words. Just say "You are so childish" and enjoy her reaction

 

Dear shawrup,
I understand your pain. My situation is worse than yours. I too have a sister who is very much older than me. We are own siblings, but still she hates me and when we were young she used to beat me like a mad dog!! My mom always supported her and dad was always busy in his own work and never cared for the family much except giving money to run the house!! He didn't care for my mom also and for us also. I wonder why he got married and spolied everyone's lives if he cannot love his own family. I sometimes used to feel am i adopted because of some pressure.huh. Life was really hell in my mother's house till my sister got married. She was very dominating and did everything in the house of her like and never even cared for my likes and dislikes. If at all my mom supported me for anything (may be 1 out of 1000 fights she would have supported me!!) , then my sis used to act like a mad dog and break things and show her anger by starving. Because of the bad environment at home, i was an introvert even i school and when i was in PU (turning point in the academics) i couldn't concentrate on studies also. She was very happy when i was feeling low or sad or didn't perform well. She got married now, an even after marriage she has the same attitude. She might have changed 1% after her child's birth but still she fights with me, but doesn't beat!!!! She's jealous even now coz mine was a love marriage and me and my hubby are like friends, everybody says we are an awesome pair and she cant tolerate it. Her's was an arranged one after seeing many guys and she is not having a loving relation with her husband and his family. I think no sibling on earth is as jealous as her and as cruel hearted as her. Its my fate she's my sibling. I even hate to talk about her as she ruined my childhood, my studies and my relation with my mom. Even my mom dances to her tunes and she has never understood me and my ambitions and feelings. Luckily i got a lovely friend, my DH(touchwood). Only after marriage i am having a good night's sleep (at home because of my parents fight, and sibling rivalry daily i used to sleep hiding my face in the bedsheet!!) Sorry to say such a long story. I think even if i write 3 pages about her i cannot explain you how bad she was with me.
Sometimes i feel so sad in life thinking of past things. Now she's also far and i hardly speak. That gives me some relief. Just ignore such people or have a formal talk. They are always jealous and have no true love. Younger siblings always expect love and care from older siblings. And what happens at your young age (the bad feelings caused by siblings) will never go out of your mind however far, older we are. I wish how good my life would have been if i never had a sis (devil) like her in my life. Not all are so lucky to have a good sibling and family

 

I am crying as I was reading this thread ..... I am an older sister .. and my younger sister has almost broken relationship with us citing my and my husband's attitude issues ..

both of us love her a lot and my husband also treats her like his younger sis.

whenever she will have any problem , we will give suggestion even if she has not asked for the same...being elders and being there ..we will tell her this is what you should do and all types of things and in all kind of suggestions..we will not enforce as we know other person will do whatever if feels like .. we never never made fun of her ..just small light jokes of everyday life ..and never tried to show she earns less or she is anyway smaller than us ...only just we thouht she is our family and we need to suggest her and guide her ...and take care of her ..

we were not knowing things were being perceived in a totally different way at her end .. and our love was killing her day by day ..

I do not know what and when things went wrong from our side ..to my surprise she blasted one day on my husband .....after then I invited her to my place when my husband was out of town for discussing the issues she had ....and OMG ...i could not even imagine what all was going on in her head ...and that was the end of loving relationship ... now only formal relationship exist .. I still love her ..even more ..cause I know how painful life she is living thinking about so many small things in life not abt her and mine relationship ...she thinks at the small level for all of her relationships ..

and I have 'dont care' type of attitude towards life ..I dont hang on to trival issues of life ..I live life very lightly and try to be smiling at every moment ...this is what my fault is in her eyes.

my message to all you young sisters out there ....just dont start making any wrong perceptions abt your sis ..she loves you like your mother .. childhood fights are long forgotten ...it is just ..she is older and you are younger, so in your relationship just behave like that and dont try to impose your thoughts to her ..she has her own style of living...sense of talking , behaving ..

She is the one with whom you can speak without thinking and she can also do the same with you .. just take things lightly .. I KNOW WHAT I HAVE LOST ....i dont think we would be able to come to the normal terms that we had before fight ..and this definetly has hur our parents as well

i love you my little sis .....