Hi Ladies, I just wanted to start this topic of oldage home VS staying with children in old age. In India today, the most common issue is caring for old age people.. be it parents or inlaws, especially if they are widowed. I strongly feel that when one becomes old, one has to be very independent unless seriously ill, to keep people around peaceful and happy. In my life, my mom has been independent (she is 70) being a retired teacher, lives on her pension in her own apartment in Chennai. Helathwise, she takes very good care of herself with regular walking , a very disciplined diet, lots of temple visits and chanting slokas along with watching every tv serial.. and keeping herself very peaceful, happy and worryfree. I am considered one of the luckiest among my friends. Now, the issue is with my father in law whose wife died 10 years ago. FIL has always been a difficult person to live with even for my MIL, bcos of his rigid traditional practices and food habits and lots of other expectations. After my MIL's death, he has visited us in the US 5 times (every year for 6 months) and the remaining time, he manages to live with his 2 married daughters. Now, his daughters are not fond of caring for him mainly bcos of his food habits and few other issues, and we have cared as much as we could during his US stay, and my husband strongly advised him to live independently in our flat in Chennai where nobody lives currently. It is a beautiful flat in the heart of the city and accessible to everywhere to all facilities, we have even arranged a cook to prepare food for him and arranged all the faclities for his peaceful living..but he refused to be on his own. He doesn't want to go to an old age home as well. He has been staying with his daughters long enough which made the son in laws feel indifferent towards him so many times, but he just doesn't care about his self respect..irrespective of the soninlaw's repeated insults. My FIL is 83 years old, very hale and healthy looks like he is only 65 or so. He just doesn't seems to understand how difficult life is for our generation and with all my hectic schedule at work and travel for various projects, he still expects fresh food .. the same rice, sambar, rasam, vegetable curry etc., 3 times as he has a very good appetite. I am glad he is healthy but he doesn't even use his hands to prepare coffee for himself....So with this attitude, he can rule me as I am his daughter in law, but the daughters made it very clear that their husbands are not thrilled to host him anymore.. As this issue is going on for the last 10 years, life is so restless for everybody around my FIL. But he is always a happy, healthy man with good food, excellent sleep and a happy life. In India, I just don't understand why older people are so sentimental about going to an old age home and live peacefully with timely food, good age group friends, and a better social life..then being insulted by family. Is self respect not more important than staying with children especially knowing his stay would make them very unhappy, as he never talks, helps or even cares for anybody around but himself. He was a retired central govt employee(railway) and so he never knew about life in a corporate environment. With ordinary middle class background, we all have to work to earn our living and secure our future too which he fails to understand. Here are the PROs of oldage home : 1. Self respect will be in tact. 2. Timely food, proper care if medical attention is required, peaceful living. 3. Same age group friends to share your ideas and can even go to temples and such pilgrimage. 4. Emotially, staying here is better than insulted by the family or troubling the family for his selfish interest. There are few CONs too but in my opinion, Pros outweigh Cons when it comes to leading a peaceful, independent happy life in old age. Ladies, shed your thoughts on this issue.. not just for me but generally the issue of caring old people in the family is making our lives very difficult with no proper cooperation and love from them. They just fail to understand that times have changed and they have to change with times. Hoping to hear and learn from your suggestions, Geeth Priya.