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Old MIL and a young DIL relation... Are we somewhere forgetting humanity

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by ardhra, Aug 18, 2014.

  1. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    It is applicable here because the thread is specifically about mil and dil.If the op had written about how the son didn't care for his mother...no one would be writing about the dil.
     
  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    A wife is a husband's responsibility and not his mothers. If someone ill-treat a wife, then it needs to be corrected by the husband immediately, no matter who is the perpetrator. Same applies to the mother.
    A mother is her children's responsibility at her older age. Not the spouses of her children.
    If she is ill-treated by anyone, her children should come immediately to protect their older mother.

    In this sad story, it is 100% fault of the son, who is hiding from his responsibility. If there is any other children (male or female) in the scene, it is equally their faults as well.

    It would have been great if the DIL was good enough with her MIL. But it is not an excuse for the children of that poor mother to let their mom suffer both physically and emotionally only because the DIL wasn't good enough.

    Either her other children could have taken the responsibility of the mother or the son in this case confront with his wife to ensure his own mom is not ill-treated.

    DILs and MILs are fighting only because of selfish men (they play the roles of husband and son)
     
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  3. LotusAura

    LotusAura Gold IL'ite

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    The general probability of how daughters treat their mothers and sons-in-law would treat their wife's mothers if a case arose, cannot be the basis of how every particular individual case of abusive/callous son & DIL is viewed & justified. I don't think it's applicable in this case to draw parallels as OP has not mentioned how this DIL & Son treat the DIL's mother. Just what I feel.

    Like I mentioned in my previous post, it is primarily & principally the son's responsibility & wrongdoing, no questions there. But I don't think the DIL could be simply absolved of any wrongdoing & mistreatment of her 85 year old MIL who lives with them, just because her husband does it too. A cold & callous son is no leeway for excusing an equally callous DIL's mistreatment. And in this case based on the original post, they BOTH are callous toward this old lady.
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2014
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  4. LotusAura

    LotusAura Gold IL'ite

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    I'm a woman & a DIL too. There's nothing wrong in exerting one's right where it's due and expressing one's opinions. All women (and men) are free to do so. And everyone's opinions may not match with each other. But I agree, every case should not be turned into a generic slugfest.
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2014
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  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Only the children have duties towards their parents, and not their spouses. It would be great if their spouses were reasonable enough to corporate or extend their supports to their in laws. It will depend on their personalities and the past experiences. But nothing can be an excuse for a son/DD to leave their parent at this state.
     
  6. RADIODOC679

    RADIODOC679 Gold IL'ite

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    me too-my father's mom,his sisters illtreated my Mom so much till today-and they are living,flourishing,becoming richer &richer-They also illtreated their mother in her last days-left her alone & went off to light lamp in Durga temple-Which durga will accept this?Eating chocolates when their mother was breathing last in ICU-My dad who was there was runnuing around like a dog-and here they were hogging tablerones,kitkats etc..Why alwyas blame sons& DILS -why not the daughters-I am also at the receiving end-being the only daughter i only have to rush home whatever happens in my parents side-& my Dh being the eldest son also in his side-
    Saying so i dont shirk responsibilities if needed for my MIL-But that's it,no mommying around her.
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2014
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  7. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Exactly my thoughts. the max the lady would eat would be a a fistful of rice. being so emotionally dragged to think on those lines is so heart wrenching for me.

    Forget the onus of responsiblity, reading it and just trying to visualise the plight of that old soul puts so much of emotional churning in me, what would it cost them to be just human. get somebody to take care of her, if you are not in the state of taking care.

    Has relationships come to the stand point of i decide what you deserve?? rather than doing out of love. where has humanity gone. on one hand we hear of people going out of their way to help people in distress, help the needy, while we also hear of people who don't look after their elders or their own.

    Even two not so close, hostel roommates would worry if one of them is sick and ask if they need something.

    where has empathy and concern gone. i shudder to think of the way the thought process of people is evolving.

    Being human is the need of the hour than anything else.
     
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  8. Angellic

    Angellic IL Hall of Fame

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    It is absolutely inhumane to leave an (ill) elderly person like this.

    This is totally merciless act of DIL to treat her MIL like this.

    I think, it’s the duty of the son and responsibility of the DIL to take a very good care of the mother atleast at this point of time when she needs their utmost care and attention.

    Son too much worried about his hard-earned money getting wasted or lootofied by the doc for his mother’s treatment and dil running away from the responsibility…

    Whose fault? whom to be blamed?? Well, I will keep the gender bias aside and focus on the act of kindness. Here kindness is lacking from both DS and DIL & that’s the sole reason for this elderly person’s pity state…

    PS: Lesson learnt from this post: Cruel son and dIL do exist, not only in soap operas and movies but also in reality.
     
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  9. LotusAura

    LotusAura Gold IL'ite

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    You echo my thoughts Shanvy! I shudder when I think of women who could treat a family member like that, mother or mother-in-law it doesn't really matter. I just can't fathom this line of thought and actions. If a DIL is capable of unleashing such mental and physical anguish on another family member (an 85 yr old MIL in this case), then such a DIL is not a good human being basically. She lacks basic compassion and conscience. And I don't think such a DIL could treat even her own mother any better if the time came. Bad human beings are just that, bad human beings. And same holds true for the son; he seems even worse than his wife in this case by playing along with his wife.

    And in terms of defining MIL-DIL relationship, it is really sad to see what the world has come to.
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2014
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  10. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    What does that mean?I didn't get it.nowhere in that letter op has written husband has been pampering dil's parents.In fact he UA neglecting his own mother forget someone else parents.
     

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