Old Age Home? Have a heart!

Cheeniya · Jun 12, 2007

Dear Chitra
Go ahead and defend them. I'll get worried only if you offend them!
Sri

Cheeniya · Jun 12, 2007

Dear Kamla
I do realise that there can be compelling reasons for sending people to old age homes. I have seen a few cases where the old people have brought it up on themselves.
My heart feels heavy when I hear of such cases
Sri

Kamla · Jun 12, 2007

Dear Cheeniya,

My deep respect to you for treating your in-laws with the same affection as your own mother.

In my reply, you said: "My thread essentially is meant for people who continue to cling on to certain basic values." Elsewhere you appreciated another IL'ite for understanding the 'spirit of your thread'.

Believe you me, I do feel the same way as you do. But unlike you, I am a part of the changing scenario, willingly or unwillingly.

So, is it not my duty to my loved ones to change with the changing times and make it pleasant? After all, life is but once. In wanting to conform to a certain belief and principle, one cannot make all concerned miserable. A smile is invaluable when it comes from heart. And to see one's parents with such a smile till death us do part, is all important.

Take it from me, life is not simple for some.

Anyways, I have decided to live with a smile and impart the same all around me. Hence, I shall not take any more space up in this valuable thread

L, Kamla

Cheeniya · Jun 12, 2007

Dear Manju
Having said all that I wanted to on this subject, I should mention this too. It is for the old people who enjoy the comfort of living with their children to train themselves to be a bit more detached, not insist on living on their own terms and develop really endearing qualities. If they accomplish this, they will never be a burden to anyone.
I speak from the experience of having witnessed such a phenomenon in my own home. My mum is more adorable at 95 than she ever was!
Sri

Cheeniya · Jun 12, 2007

Dear Shreyasri
As Manju points out, the dynamics of modern life has made all this very complicated for us. But it is good that there is a great deal of awareness among the younger generation of the need to be independent and letteing their children be independent too.
Music and such creative hobbies can go a long way towards practising detachment.
Sri

Cheeniya · Jun 13, 2007

Dear Lavanya
I totally agree with you that there can be no hard and fast rule on this issue. Each case is unique and the solution ,therefore, has to be tailor made. It is far easier for the generation that is only in their middle age and they have enough time to prepare themselves for the post retirement scenario. The question is therefore only about the present senior citizens. I am aware that some of them are very rigid and would like to live the rest of their lives only on their terms.
It is extremely difficult to find a solution in such cases. The only thing that we can endeavour to do is to use our heart more than our heads in dealing with these people.
Sri

Cheeniya · Jun 13, 2007

Dear Sudha
Nothing can be more fulfilling than living in great amity with our folks under one roof but it is becoming more and more of a dream. I wonder if the kind of joint family system that our grand parents had would ever come back! I do know that this system is still in vogue in many packets of North India.
In South, we are not even able to tackle sibling rivalry these days!
That Amitab film was over emoted, I think. Living away from our children is not such an unbearable curse!
Sri

Lavanya · Jun 13, 2007

My mom had the wonderful experience of taking care of her mother until the very last breath literally. My dad stood by her side & supported my mom & granmom. To him his mil was more than his mom. We loved her dearly & she'll always be a part of our lives & memories. We weren't the perfect family but we still tried to get our priorities in the right order however difficult the times were. I hope I will have the same wonderful presence of mind as my folks for whom my respect is just immeasurable.

Tamildownunder · Jun 13, 2007

Dear Cheeniya,

It is a very sensitive and burning issue that you have raised. Definitely, children have a duty to look after their elderly parents. It is pathetic to see especially elderly women languishing in old age homes . You are doing a great service visiting them and comforting. In my opinion, the breaking up of joint family system is the root cause for the situation today. My mother is 83 years old and her movements are highly restricted due to arthrities. She is staying with my elder brother. As a son I feel guilty not being in a position to look after her since I am abroad doing my profession. Under these circumstances, I can only give money support in looking after her. But, with the vast developments in communication technology, I am talking to her quite often which I feel the best I can do under the circumstances.

Regards,

TDU

Cheeniya · Jun 14, 2007

Dear Lavanya
The incidents that you recall fill you with so much joy. This is precisely what I was trying to convey. That joyful feeling will never be there if you dont create a feeling of being wanted and being loved in your elders.
We may not expect it from our children as we have already trained ourselves to be on our own but what about those few very old people who dont understand anything else but our presence near them?
Sri