1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Obsessive - manipulative MIL wants to see baby on skype everyday

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Shivaa, Oct 1, 2014.

  1. Shivaa

    Shivaa New IL'ite

    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi ladies,

    i am mother of a 9 month old baby. We live in UK and I get to manage household chores like making breakfast, lunch, dinner. I also developed Rheumatoid arthritis post delivery, although it's not too bad now, I am not yet back in normal health. Now I have an extremely manipulative MIL , it seems a fortune teller had predicted that she'd die suddenly of a heart attack and that her time is nearing. She keeps repeating this story to DH and I see him get really depressed and later striving to fulfill all her wishes. Due to this, my marital life has never been peaceful. At the moment, she wants me getting on skype everyday to see the baby. Once she gets on skype I have be online and show her the baby for minimum one hour . In addition to howling some nursery rhymes and singing some songs to the baby.. (it's more like howling than singing ) she keeps checking what I made for breakfast , if it's something traditional then she approves else if it's just a sandwich there's strong disapproval. Then she asks what I fed the baby, again if it's something non- traditional like mashed potatoes and pepper she tells me in a dominant tone to add salt.. She wants to be on skype everyday so that the baby doesn't forget her and she wants to ensure that the baby grows up as per wishes .. Now it seems like she is the mom and I'm keeping the baby on rent with me for sometime.. She also has been trying to get me to stop breastfeeding the baby ever since the child was just a month old.. I hate her interference and I also hate her to the core for other things that she has done in the past. I would like it best to maintain my distance . But now hubby is asking me to talk to my parents every alternate day and talk to his parents every other day !! Inspite of me explaining it to him ! I never wanna get into an argument with mil coz she has no limits or boundaries and is cheap. Her son is not aware of her true colors. When on skype I just try to remain quiet to keep the peace. Because it would look terrible if I were to say something to her and she would blow it out of proportion and convey that to her son and badmouth me to all their relatives. She can bring out tears to her advantage and fil is like a hand-in-glove with mil.. No support from him too.. What do you think is it still right to keep avoiding her calls when I'm so uncomfortable ?? What's your opinion ??
     
    Loading...

  2. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    665
    Likes Received:
    795
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    My MIL does this to my co-sis...she wants them to come on skpe as soon as they get up...and keeps on asking...if the baby had food..if yes, what food..why not this food..If they say that baby didn't have food, she continuously says that may be the baby is hungry..just to show off that she is super concerned..Even if the baby is feeling sleepy..she tells them to make her sleep, but will not stop skype session...how in the world can they make her sleep is she is continuously talking..

    I get to see the other side of MIL at this time...and its very entertaining to me..:)

    OP..you can't help it...you need to do tit-for-tat..
    keep asking her what she ate ..if she says oily food or sweets...bingo!!!!...you can taunt that it is not good for health..etc..if she went for walking...etc..etc..
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    1,655
    Likes Received:
    2,111
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    You keep the baby in one room, and leave Skype meeting on, but u don't stay in the focus of camera, just say I am busy and do some browsing etc in other laptop or tablet, or read a book, by keeping an eye on your baby. You do this 2 or 3 times in one meeting. Just come and go to the focus of camera.

    and also no need to answer her every question, just say I will take care of the baby, don't worry.
    As lot of ladies suggest in the forum, give vague answers, you can try and see, it should be like u answered her, but there should be no answer to her questions.

    i feel sorry for your RA condition, be in touch with doctors, take care.
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2014
    2 people like this.
  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,628
    Likes Received:
    22,975
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Ask her point blank why she wants you to stop breastfeeding when all doctors and even tradition says one should breast feed.Does this skyping happen when Dh is around?If so...hand him over the baby and say you are going to make stuff for baby.Let your husband suffer his mother.If it happens when dh is absent...then make some excuse and tell her you will skype later when Dh returns so that she can talk to him too.When that happen...hand over child to husband and move way to make tea/coffee for him.
     
    3 people like this.
  5. DKI

    DKI Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    812
    Likes Received:
    1,296
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Where the food is concerned, if she does not ask to see the dishes themselves, start telling her you made some indian breakfast or the other, and tell her what she would want you to say. You know what irks them, and as long as this is not happening in real life, and only on skype...fake it.
     
    2 people like this.
  6. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    681
    Likes Received:
    1,914
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Can skype stop working miraculously intermittently? Can it get "disconnected" after 10 minutes? :)
     
    5 people like this.
  7. Alildream

    Alildream Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    183
    Likes Received:
    274
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Here are my suggestions:
    1. When she asks about food habits or makes any condescending remarks, start cooing to your baby and start baby talk...don't answer and change the topic immediately
    2. Tell her baby is cranky and overstimulated...can't talk now. Maybe you can send her baby video. If you don't want to, tell her you were busy or there was some problem when u tried uploading that video.
    3. When she asks you what you cook for breakfast and you made sandwiches, tell her you made masala dosa. Will she come and check? Keep dh in same page...if he knows his mom well, he will probably say the coconut chutney was amazing!
    4. Here is a dirty trick. If u press the space bar when on Skype, you can mute the person talking. Get your kid to do that or do it yourself. Then say you can't hear your mil, some problem with Skype so....goodbye! How will she know what happened?

    all this said and done, try to get your mil see your kid at least once a week...she is grandma after all...try to be nice in that one conversation. This way your dh is happy and your has grandparents love. Remember kids can sense tension between people, so for his/her sake you need to bury the hatchet with your pil! Hope this helps...
     
    3 people like this.
  8. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    482
    Likes Received:
    767
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    Why can't your DH be on Skype call instead of you, after all it is his parents. You can stay for first little bit and then disappear. I don't understand why you don't Skype when he is there? Tell her point blank Mummy ji what do you gain asking all these questions, focus on your grandchild. Or better yet, ask her what she made and pick it apart, ask what her daughter made, ask her so many questions she does not get to breathe and I bet she will stop sky ping.
     
    3 people like this.
  9. LuvLadoo35

    LuvLadoo35 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    576
    Likes Received:
    445
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Female
    I would say assign this skype task to your husband . Once he has to sit in front of the PC for an hour everyday and provide all the details he will know the pain and then maybe he can explain mother-in-law .I still believe that skyping once or twice a week should be tolerable .
     
    2 people like this.
  10. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,783
    Likes Received:
    4,768
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    The local Chinese restaurants have samples of dishes in the showcase, made of very realistic plastic.
    A few replicas of idli, masala dosa, vada, pongal etc should do the trick ;-)!
     
    4 people like this.

Share This Page