Observing the 3 days

flawlessin · Jul 17, 2013

Ladies,

I have a situation here and any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

I got married to a Brahmin(iyengar) 3 months back and am in the US now.
After marriage, 2 months i was with my in laws in India. I am from a different caste and this is a love marriage. I am from Singapore. I do not know anything about their rituals or practices. My MIL taught me most of them and I'm following it religiously in the US. I have changed my food habits too as i was a non-veg.

Now the real issue is, i have no problems in following all the practices that my MIL says except for observing that three days. Ok back in singapore, when i had my periods, i do not go to the temple or do any poojas, but daily activities like cooking, washing clothes and all other normal stuffs did carry on. But now, its different, i am not allowed to touch my husband or go near him, not allowed to touch any clothes, not allowed to cook, the best part is I'm not allowed to even sit on the couch because its made of fabric.

I dont understand this, no offense to ladies who practices this, but this is a killer. It bring my life to a standstill for that three days.

So my husband goes to work in the morning and comes back in the evening. He cooks lunch in hurry for me to eat and leaves to work. what if i get hungry after that? i'll starve till he comes back? He had gone to work late many times because he needs to cook lunch and prepare breakfast for me. We had gotten into arguments early in the morning because he is too cranky as he needs to do everything by himself. He had gotten hurt too once while rushing to cook.

When i was in india for the 2 months, i was isolated in a room, food will be served, didn't come out, slept alone. ate alone. It was traumatizing. I thought it would be over once we come to the US, but my MIL made a strong point that if i touch my husband or performed any of these restricted activities, his life gets shortened and bad things will befall our family.

We both get time for ourselves only in the weekends because he is off to work for 5 days and comes back very late. I got my periods this month on the weekend and we spent that two awesome days at home doing nothing, just sitting at a distance and seeing one another.

I am confused! :spin

Can anyone here share ur experience if u do face similar problem. That might help me. I m in no favor to this practice and i want to know if anything i do can get my MIL to understand the problem that i am going through.

Thanks for taking time to read this.

Chitravivek · Jul 17, 2013

Ur DH is ok with following this? i am tam bhram iyer, ihv never followed this

Chitravivek · Jul 17, 2013

One more thing: In the acient days they did follow this system just to give some space and relaxation to women and not because it will reduce the life of DH or anybody. I am suprised your DH being educated fell to these things.. You should have a talk with your DH and sort this out if it is that annoying

luckysangeetha · Jul 17, 2013

Talking to your hubby is the best solution. Looks idiotic.

NirmalaGoofy · Jul 22, 2013

In olden days these customs were made to give the woman some rest. You can talk with your husband about this and find a solution . I am sure you can take care of the daily work without touching him

bhuvnidhi · Jul 22, 2013

How did your hubby fall for all this?Talk to him and explain him that education is suppose to refine a person and develop his thought process.These days we do not stain any fabric and no need to worry about sitting here and there.Ask him "why" for whatever he does and ask him to provide a convincing answer so that you can follow those.I am sure the answer will be mostly unconvincing.Nail him there.

rkgurbani · Jul 22, 2013

Speak to your DH. Times have changed now and specially living in the US, it is not possible to follow al these customs. We are living in a much more practical era. It is very odd that your DH is okay with this.

vidu24 · Jul 22, 2013

I am not following this in US. In India its easy to follow because someone in house will take care of cooking washing etc. But here we have to do everything. During those 3 days i wont go to puja room or wash clothes. On the 4th day i wash everything in the house. I only cook all the time no matter 3 days. In US its not possible to follow unless ur husband helps you with it. So dont worry discuss with ur husband. All the best.

flawlessin · Jul 27, 2013

Thanks a lot everyone. I will try talking to my H when he is a good mood. Hopefully, he understands.

misspink14 · Jul 27, 2013

Here is the thing, you are here and she is there. You gotta do what you gotta do. But if your husband wants you to observe this for the 3 days then it is on him.