NRI's parents expectations OR just my parents expectation

pinktulip2k · Oct 31, 2015

Dear all,

I come from a middle class family background. I am well educated. I now live abroad for the past 5+ years, happily married for the past 3 years and have a lovely child. All these 5+ years I have been working and financially supporting my parents since my dad is retired. I have a younger brother who is struggling to come up in his career. Everything seems fine from outside but on the inside I notice weird things.

I sense that my parents have a never ending list of expectations these last 2-3 years. They compare me and my husband financially with other family members who are also NRI. Especially because they bought a house in India, plots in India.

Am I missing something here? Is it something particular to my parents? I really wonder how to handle them?

Me and my husband, we don't show off in India when we go for vacations. We haven't bought any property in India, never gifted expensive things to my parents or brother. We are happy together, and it seems like that is not enough for them!?!

GPriya · Oct 31, 2015

Hi,

Buying a property in India is no doubt has good appreciation as long as your parents are ready to take care. Now, your parents out of good intention would have suggested or expected you to invest in real estates in India. Most of the NRI kids including me, bought an apartment (as an investment) and let the parents either to live in them or take care of them. I guess other NRI parents would have discussed about this and hence your parents expect that from you. No harm done anyway. Its your money and you have a right to choose the best way to invest.

Akanksha1982 · Oct 31, 2015

I wouldn't advice to buy property in India for investment for two reasons, the rupee may depreciate and second it is difficult to repatriate money back to US. We bought one 5 years back. The exchange rate was 37-40 per dollar then. Today, the property is double in value but the exchange rate is 66 per dollar. If we sell today, we have to pay half of the profit as taxes and then with the unfavorable exchange rate, we wouldn't get even what we invested. So for investment property, buy it in the place near you. you can manage it and don't have to worry about exchange rates.

If you are buying for your parents to live, then it is a different story.

If you feel like helping your parents or brother, then help without any expectations. Don't go out of your way to help out. Assume that the money is gone for ever. Focus on saving money for your child's education and your retirement.

On the other side, for parents in India, they may have society pressure and hence the expectations. If so, understand their feelings and help them cope with it.

pinktulip2k · Oct 31, 2015

Thanks for your responses! I understand my parents telling to buy property in India under social pressure. But at times it sounds like they are greedy. Especially my brother keeps asking for iPhone or iPad from my parents indirectly and then my mom asks me. To cover all this up my parents keep praising him as if he is very matured bla bla bla. All I see is he has no responsibility in getting his education complete and sharing the financial responsibilities with me.

guesshoo · Oct 31, 2015

You are happy. Touch wood. I suppose your parents are feeling ambitious for you. When they talk about other people say good for them and leave it at that. Refuse to get drawn into a competition. If they say you ought to be buying stuff in India, just say, you have other plans and change the topic. Just refuse to engage as far as this topic goes. If it annoys you, cut the call as soon as the grilling and comparison starts.

If they ask you for stuff which you ca2nt afford, simply state, we can't afford that and change the topic. If you can indulge them by getting an expensive gift once in a while, do so - not to shut them up but only when you wish to pamper them.

As far as you brother goes, give him time to grow up. Until then any demands and sweetly say, it's expensive; we'll see.

pinktulip2k · Oct 31, 2015

They think that I make too much money Actually my dad has not much savings and no pension. Still is a spendthrift. I have been saving enough to support them financially but that doesn't strike their mind at all. If I end up spending as per their wish, how on earth would I support them when am out of job? If I say any of these things to them, they start emotional drama of how long will they be alive. It's just CRAZY!

Ragini25 · Oct 31, 2015

Buy couple of nice gifts for them (ones which they ask for) - if affordable. Its ok to give them some happiness, one day they will cease to live on earth, so if affordable do it.

pinktulip2k · Oct 31, 2015

Thanks Ragini! I guess I need to keep my ego aside and spend some additional money on them to keep them satisfied I feel it is fair to spend for my parents but fulfilling my brother's wishes such as iPhone is too much. I would not do that.

Iamagoodgirl · Nov 1, 2015

If they do not have pension better by policy or make fd on their name.Make something concrete and lasting.

pinktulip2k · Nov 7, 2015

Tomorrow my mom is going back. We bought her a lot of things to take back for my brother, dad and some relatives. She was here with us for 1 month and all I understood about her is that she is a very materialistic person. She values expensive things, money and show off more than love and affection. What is surprising is that both my parents way of showing love is through money and things. They say "oh I bought this thing, that thing just for u" and they expect me to say "I love the things u give me". While most things are what I don't need at all. They just push it on me.