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NRI's are they money makers?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by 123NICE, Apr 23, 2010.

  1. 123NICE

    123NICE Junior IL'ite

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    In India, everyone thinks that "Money is growing in the tree in abroad Or May be they can think, we are planting money in our backyard. So they are strictly expecting, Whoever in Overseas has to give money

    Even, they will call us only for money. If we are hospitalized or if we have any serious problem they will not care. They need our money only. If we keep on sending big gifts, then also they cannot satisfied. For example. One month if we sent 50000 Rs, They can not satisfied, Then next month, they are expecting 1 lakh Rs gift .

    I just want to check with you all how do you guys feel about this in your life.
    Is anybody facing this issue? Is there any solution?
    How can we make them understand our stiuation?.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 17, 2010
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  2. OOPALL

    OOPALL Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Money Makers

    Hi NIce....
    Yes very tru indeed. The more you send the less it is for them. It is difficult to survive here let alone support people abroad. (unless ofcos you are an attorney or a doc).
    I guess relatives abroad think we don't have bills or expenses here. Life is a LOT different here then at home.
    Small gestures are not aprreciated.

    Thanks,
    OOPALL!
     
  3. Gooseberry

    Gooseberry Senior IL'ite

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    Re: Money Makers

    I am sorry but I have to differ here.
    I think that NRIs have set that standard in the minds of people back home.
    Ofcourse, there are exceptions but what I am saying is most general one.

    What happens if you don't take gifts spending huge amount, way over your budget, just to please people back home?
    Actually, I have seen nothing happens. Some of them may make sure you get to hear it either directly or through someone else that you made them unhappy by not bringing expensive gifts for them but after sometime everything and everybody gets used to you and your way of doing things.

    In most cases (my friends circle) I have seen that people going from US take expensive gifts first time they go to visit, mostly popular brands and so naturally next time they go people expect same kind of stuff....right? So, why blame them?
    We NRIs are only setting that standard for ourselves. We do not buy branded watches,perfumes for ourselves here but take only branded ones for relatives.....why?
    May be some want to show off!!

    Anyway, you can take expensive gifts, or send lot of money if you have so much but if you cannot then you should be able to say NO! and naturally no one will be happy to hear a NO if they are those greedy kinds.
    But, we need to ignore such remarks because we know the reality and how important paying our bills, and saving for the future is...isn't it?

    As for not caring if we are hospitalized, YES, I agree...No one cares for anyone anymore and especially if you live abroad, people back home only expect things from you and don't expect you to have any expectations from them.....:frown:

    Branded jeans, DVDs, Iphones, Ipods, Ipads....whatever, whatever, they need it all if you are coming from US....:bonk

    But we need to draw a line and set limits to their expectations.......:biggrin2:

    PS:BTW, I guess, we get just about everything in India these days and people are going and buying left and right, much more than us (me, dh). I feel I am a pauper compared to my cousins, friends back there seeing their wardrobes, their gadgets etc etc.....:)
     
  4. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: Money Makers

    I agree with this. I think giving money or restricting, buying costly gifts or restricting depends on the mentality of the person. People will keep asking NRI or Non-NRI, its upto the person to stand up and say NO to unreasonable demands.
     
  5. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Money Makers

    Nice

    I had this question, why do you have to send such huge amounts as gifts to satisfy someone?? doesnt matter who it is?? but isnt it like human wants are unlimited and we cant satisfy anything and evverything?? so why put up with that hard task of wanting to satisfy someone?? why cant we buckle up and say this is too much or just keep quiet and let the other party figure out that their demand was way too much out of line to be satisfied.

    Remember one thing here, dont take it as a personal insult or dont feel inferior, if you cant /dont want to satisfy someones demand. Also you have to tell this to your husband. Because as you said its hardearned money and you cant just hand itover to someone just like that and that too higher amounts like this. If you are not able to say NO and if you treat saying NO as an insult to your own self, everyone around you would know how to utilize your insecurity/incapability to their best. The moment a parent emotionally blackmails a kid the kid tends to satisfy the highest demand of the parent as quickly as possible hoping money would satisfy them . NO. Money can never fix things that are lying underneath. So no point in slogging yourself to satisfy someone.

    Moreover as you already had experienced, do you think people who care for money and all about money would evver bother if you guys are in trouble??? NO they would just see whether they got tehir money on time or not... and the moment you keep satisfying their need, everytime they would put forward a higher target to be satisfied.

    So save yourself from the trouble and take a step back to please people just with money.
    Start saying NO or give reason that you guys are tight with money and will figure out how to send money (white lies)
    The moment you give reasons or say lies once in a while, the other party shoudl get the point that you guys are taking a step back in sending money.
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2010
  6. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Money Makers

    Hi... though I'm NOT living abroad I tend to differ here...
    My Brother lives in the UK and let me tell you it never matters to us whether he gets us this / that or the other... they shower my son with gifts because they want to and I also send whatever I can for my nephew... what they give my mom is no concern of mine... My Bhabhi is a very loving person and loves to shower gifts onto people but my brother is not like that....but whether they get / send gifts etc or not mom and I & lot of my relatives will always send gifts for them whenever we know there is somebody going to London especially if a Birthday or Anniversary coming soon
    Incase any one of them falls ill because of the distance we can't go but mom and I will enquire almost 10 times a day to check and see if all is ok and that includes almost all my aunts / cousins.... We are very much concerned for them and twice when my Bhabhi had fallen ill with low BP (since my mom doesn't want to travel becoz of her ill health) she has come down to India for treatment and rest to my mom's house and returned only after getting completely well...and this inspite of her mom & brother living in UK!!!!
    So please don't feel negatively about your families here in India I'm sure they love you just the same....
    K
     
  7. 123NICE

    123NICE Junior IL'ite

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    Re: Money Makers

    Thanks everyone for the reply. Kelly, I am jealous about your bhabhi since i don't have SIL like you. Let me explained our situations.

    My MIL has 3 sons and 3 daughters. My FIL passed away when My DH was @high school. Then he is the one supporting his family. No help from other relatives. My DH spends 100% money to 3 sisters marriage and other formalities, 2 brother's studies and their marriage also. We are fine to give support for his own brothers and sisters and their kids. But, what happening is my MIL forced us to help her sister's two daughters and 2 sons and their kids also. If we say NO, immediately she is emotional blackmailing us, you can't imagine, they are giving missed call morethan 15 times per day (Day and night) till they get money.

    If we called her, Immediately saying, I am living only for you, but you are treating as begger, if your father is alive, i will not aks you anything etc.,
    you are the one in abroad. if you cannot, i will go for maid job and help her. 1st BIL earns Rs50000 per month, 2nd BIL earns RS35000 per month. But she feels They are poor. They are not sending even pocket money to her. We are the one supporting her and our SILS.

    Nobody will give gift to us even for my kids also. They said, they can give gift when we visit to India, But they are sending the list of items to buy and send it to them if they know anyone their friends/parents is coming from US.

    Why I am raising this issue for now is, It happened on last christmas ,My younger one (10 months) was in ICU for 4 days. We called righttime 911, otherwise we cannot imagine... We cannot forget that moment in our life. I was in hospital only. My husband was in home and hospital since i have elder one. He called my MIL , cried and explained the situation. My son had side effect for next one month. we went to hospital back and forth. In between My MIL called and asked money for her daughters's house warming function. My husband told her, Can you get money from BIL , I will send it later since we are going to hospital. Immediately she saying, He will be alright, it looks like just general checkup, so send money first then go to hospital.
    we are totally shocked,My husband just hanged up the phone and sent money next day. Afterthat he is not calling her himself. If they give missed call then only he is talking, she is again emotionally blackmailing him since he is not calling her himself.

    My husband is telling "I can ignore everyone except my mom". Lasttime, we went to India on 2000 only. we don't want to go India because of over expectation only. Even we cannot afford it.

    I never expect anthing from them. I never said anything if he is sending money/ expensive gifts to his family or his mother's sister's family. I am also working, So we are running our family with my salary, he is supporting his family with his salary.

    I understood, we are giving more space that's the reason, they are taking more advantage. We want change this situation after my MIL last conversation about my son.

    Sorry for the long reply. That's the reason, I need your advise how to handle it.

    Thanks Everone.






     
  8. 123NICE

    123NICE Junior IL'ite

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    Re: Money Makers

    Well said Srividhya and Goose Berry. I understand your point. I will try to follow up.

    Can you Imagine, If you get missed call day and night continously, we are losing our proper sleep and cannot concentrate work , our kids and etc. Everytime, we are saying NO, they are keep on calling and blackmailing and we end up with sending money.

    OOPALL, your point is valid. for example if ,we earns $1000 and expense is $1000 also, They are saying, you are earning 50000 Rs but your expense is Rs1000. (When we do expense, at that time $ = Rs )so your saving is 49000Rs .

    Rosegirl, GOOSeberry, We will not set up our standard. Lasttime, when we went to India on 2000, we bought thinks in the range of $100 for our own brothers and sisters, $20 to $30 for our other relatives (They gave very big list, we could not afford that, we ignored it). Nobody satisfied . They are saying, we are buying sari for 2000Rs but you are from US, This is nothing. They told in front of us.
     
  9. Gooseberry

    Gooseberry Senior IL'ite

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    Re: Money Makers

    123nice....I understand your situation. Money is very important in life and gives a sense of security. We feel let down and depressed when we see that very hard earned money going down the drain.
    Useless things that please others but only get us deeper and deeper in debt.

    I want to ask you...what do your dh's brothers do? I mean are they earning too?
    Why can't they take up some share supporting the family like mom's expenses, mom's house bills etc?

    Also, 123...please develop a thick skin towards any remarks when you do not take stuff for relatives and DO NOT take every time you go. Why should you? You yourselves are struggling hard and why should some one expect from you? Don't give them a chance to judge you guys. Just don't take for them...PERIOD!!
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2010
  10. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Money Makers

    Nice you guys made a mistake when you shared your house hold expenses details with your inlaws. That was way too out of line and it has been used by your inlaws all thsi while.

    Yes they would give blank calls, missed calls, black mailing, trying to push, boss around, blame game, accusations, shoutings, fightings, yellings, angry , upset....but bottom line YOU are not going to fall for it. Yes would you give candy to a kid who is already over weight?? NO. because it would do more harm to the kid than actually making the kid happy. So ignore, put the cell phones in silent mode, tell your husband to tell the inlaws that if they keep calling like this for no reason, one day when its very urgent/necessary you guys wont pick the call and it would be a disaster so tell them to stop calling you as its disturbing you guys.

    Its going to be tough initially. But after couple of months they sure would realise that you guys might be having some tight situations about money etc..etc..again dont feel insulted, if someone thinks that way..let them think what they want to..this is the firststep.Once they feel that way, the next level can be about explaining. However explaining would do no good in the initial stages as they would throw as many tantrums as they can so that you/your husband get scared and to save your face you would send money...Which shouldnt happen. BE Strong. Be Bold. You can do it. Just have patience .

    Sweetheart, after marriage, your husband should take care of his family, its his responsibility agreed but throwing tantrums to send more money/more gifts is ridiculous and it should be cut down at this level before you guys are broke or have no savings. Moreover after all the bitter experiences you had with them, you have to declare saying this year its a no gifts year. WE are not buying any gifts or giving any gifts. YES. tell them and ignore their tantrums. Above all most important, dont feel insulted. Dont feel shameful. Its your money and you have right to make decision on whether you want to spend or not spend , send or not send.
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2010
    sindmani likes this.

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