I apologise in advance for the long post. Its been a while since I posted here. Thats since my personal life was going through some turmoil....it still is. Here's a round up: If you have read my previous posts, I married a man who lived in a joint family. Ours was a love marriage and I made many changes to myself to be a part of hs life. His family is very orthodox and huge (15 people live in the house together) The problems started from day 1 and unfortunately my husband turned out to be an MCP in that house. He was careless with my feelings and didn't seem to heed to any of my requests...things were so bad that he started becoming verbally abusive and when i threatened to walk out he told his father who came to me and yelled horiible. Tremendous problems with in-laws and husband led me to walk out of their house. I had to leave my job a long time ago because of family requirements and my husband's work. When I walked out I lived with my family and tried to get back on track in terms of my career...I started preparing for a life again. After a few months of this, my husband came back and made huge promises to me saying that he would move out and that he would change to be a better person and that he would no longer involve his family in our life. I didn't believe him but everyone close to me were of the belief that i should give the marriage one more try. So this time I took in writing from him that he would stick to his word. He asked me for a month's time and begged me to come back to his house and promised that after diwali, we would move out...but when I went back he was back to his old ways. When I confronted him, things turned ugly and he asked me to leave. I prepared to and then he cam with his whole family to my room and they tried to lock me up! His father hurled the worst abuses at me and my soon to be ex-husband was adding fuel to fire...I fought my way out of that room and made a run to the airport. I am now at my parents' place and it was aweful what happened. My mind knows that it is now over but I have some issues to sort: 1) How to move on from here? I cannot forget the scene where my husband who made sweet promises to love and care joined his father in abusing me...My logical side tells me he is not worth more thought but the anguish i feel inside is very painful...One side of me does not want to see him again and another side is bleeding for the man I loved so deeply that I want to run back even though he abused me..I cannot understand it. 2) My mother feels that since I have been independent and opinionated, I am not being a "good wife"...she blames me for my situation. I do not know how to make her undertsand anything since I myself am still trying to deal with my situation. My gut tells me that I should not look back and it is never ever ok to do what they did....but the crazy part in me makes me want to run back to him. Kindly advise as to what i should do from here..