Now, how long do I go on like this ??

Reading through the posts, I get a doubt if he was so disinterested in marrying her then why did he marry her? Actually even in arranged marriages, parents feelings are also taken into consideration but ultimately the deciding factors are the bride and groom only. Especially in OP's DH case when he does not seem to listen to anybody much. Unless he liked something in her, he would not have married her. And when he married, it is his basic responsibility to take care of her and their kid.

So in my opinion when he married her(nobody forced him), what he is doing now amounts to abuse only. May its time Saileela that you stand up for some of your rights. After all , there is a limit for everything. When your son grows up and sees his father bullying mother like this, what will he learn? Think about your son also.

 

Are you having issues getting employed because of the H1 issue and economy? Happens to all of us. IT WILL GET BETTER.

Saileela, I do fee bad about the incompatibility aspect however I also feel that he is also having some issues that cause him to lash out insensitively . Since you find him verbally abusive tell him that. Ask him why he reacts like that, what is the big deal if small tasks are not done his way? That you find his way of communicating abusive. Good intentions communicated badly can hurt.

The fact that your hubby is not letting you guys go back shows that he wants you around. Probably he is unable to handle the stress and lashing out on you. Both of you need to figure out a better way to communicate. My vote is that you hang on till you get your GC and try getting a job.

 

Saileela, I think that is the best course of action you can take, given the circumstances
I did not want to suggest or insinuate to that since its a major life decision only you can make for yourself. I am glad to hear you came to that finally.

You deserve to be happy just like everyone else. And yes, your life will change for the better and it does for everyone.

If you do get out of this marriage, I'd personally suggest you take some time for yourself and have a cooling off period before you jump into another marriage. Make sure the mistakes of the last one does not repeat in the next one and be an active part of who you are choosing to live with this time around. Take as long as you need before you decide who you want to be with this time around. Don't jump into anything in a hurry and I think this time, you need to be involved in the decision making process along with your dad, even if you decide to go for an arranged marriage. My best wishes to you.

 

I have a question to the OP here -

You say your husband never wanted a child. He din't care for the child during the child's illness.

But he threatens you to leave you alone and holding the child back with him. What does that mean ? I understand this a kind of blackmail...he knows your attachement towards the child and you can't live without the child and is using your emotions...

but the question is why all this ? when he is really not interested in you or the child.

What is it that he wants from you?

 

saileela,

Why did you let things go so much out of hand? When you first started noticing that your husband was being insensitive, why didn't you fight hard till he changes. Making you husband realize of his insensitivity in the early years of marriage is much easier when compared to later.

Talk to him and find out, even if it leads to a fight. If you shy away from a confrontation to avoid a fight, things will only bundle up and multiply.

Every person is different. Compatibility b/w two persons does not mean they have same taste or same way of thinking. Compatibility (in my view) means two people who are different getting along well, accentuating each others strengths and strengthening each others weaknesses.

Giving up and negative thinking only increase the problem. Be positive. Look at the problem as where-there-is-a-will-there-is-a-way.

 

WE ALL think so too !

How about starting a seperate thread in General Discussions to have the one-one conversation that has been happening in the almost entire of 5th page..

As much as I agree, that each one are putting their thoughts as and when it comes, let us bear it in mind that the OP - NEEDS HELP AND NOT STASTICS OR STUDIES..

I know each of you have loads of help to offer to any OP here, so let us concentrate on just the issues.
Let us not draw " any studies / stastics/ research related to INDIAN / AMERICAN OR EUROPEAN MARRIAGES with personal LOLs into any thread which has no relevance ' .. Please.

No person who comes here with sorrow need those. Let us be the wiser souls that we are and help the OP with her " actual problems ! "


Digression of a thread, simply makes the OP feel that people are having their own school of thoughts about Relationship , Marriage etc and her
" problem " is lost between them. So, please all of you.. let me remind, we have a General Discussion Forum to ' generally discuss ' anthything.

Thanks..

P.S - Please remember that any post after mine which talks about different school of thought / stastics etc about any country etc. will be removed. The OP neednt spend her time searching for actuall helpful responses amidst all the headache she already has !

 

Dear saileela,

You need to make a list - Pros and cons in staying with this marriage.

You are a bright young woman.You don't need anyone to tell you what you need to do.You already know the answer.

I know how hard it is to make decisions that are difficult.We want everyone to support and like our decisions. Remember there is no cookie cutter solution...so think deep and I know you will come to the right decision.

We are all here to support you but the decision has to be yours.

Good Luck..FL.