Now, how long do I go on like this ??

Just saw your edit after I posted my reply.

YES, YES, I think so too....
We need separate thread for this....what say?.....

 

Sailele,

I think part of your issue will be resolved if keep your mind preoccupied in something positive, pursue a goal. Get out of the house more. Try volunteering, you will get to meet new and interesting people. Try and create some time for yourself outside of your household duties. Your life is not just about your husband or your kid or how clean your carpets are.

For all that we know your husband could be having some issues that he is unable to communicate and is causing him to behave like this.

 

You cannot know how compatible a person is unless you live with them under the same roof before marriage. Unless arranged marriages can incorporate this into whatever new model they are coming up with, it is not going to help much. Living in the same quarters before marriage is the litmus test to see how compatible you both are. It brings to light most of the pros and cons in you and it also helps you do conflict resolution because when you both share the same living space, there is no escaping away from conflicts or nowhere else to run (well you can storm off at the instant but eventually you have to come back LOL) and you have to face your differences head on and resolve it. Think of it as a trial run before marriage and see how it will work before taking the big step.
I realize this would be a giant leap for Indian arranged marriages but I do not see any other way to ensure compatibility or make sure your relationship is worth taking to the next level i.e Marriage.

 

Discovery Health :: Top 10 Marriage Myths

Marriage Myth 5: Couples who live together before marriage, and are thus able to test how well suited they are for each other, have more satisfying and longer-lasting marriages than couples who do not.
Fact: Many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have less satisfying marriages and a considerably higher chance of eventually breaking up. One reason is that people who cohabit may be more skittish of commitment and more likely to call it quits when problems arise. But in addition, the very act of living together may lead to attitudes that make happy marriages more difficult. The findings of one recent study, for example, suggest "there may be less motivation for cohabiting partners to develop their conflict resolution and support skills." (One important exception: Cohabiting couples who are already planning to marry each other in the near future have just as good a chance at staying together as couples who don't live together before marriage).


Marriage Myth 9: Cohabitation is just like marriage, but without "the piece of paper."
Fact: Cohabitation typically does not bring the benefits — in physical health, wealth and emotional wellbeing — that marriage does. In terms of these benefits, cohabitants in the United States more closely resemble singles than married couples. This is due, in part, to the fact that cohabitants tend not to be as committed as married couples, and they are more oriented toward their own personal autonomy and less to the well-being of their partner.

 

Ahhh, the Yanks have got it all sussed out when it comes to marriages and relationships with their relationship tips and surveys in Vogue and Glamour magazine LOL

Oh, and I almost missed crediting the American goddess of relationships, Carrie Bradshaw. The success of marriages is directly proportional to the number of pairs of Blahniks and Louboutin shoes you own :rotfl

 

Author credentials of previously posted link/article

David Popenoe, the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, New Brunswick, N.J.

David Popenoe is professor of sociology at Rutgers University, where he is also co-director of the National Marriage Project and former social and behavioral sciences dean. He specializes in the study of family and community life in modern societies and is the author or editor of nine books. His most recent books are Life Without Father: Compelling New Evidence That Fatherhood and Marriage Are Indispensable for the Good of Children and Society and Promises to Keep: Decline and Renewal of Marriage in America.

 

LOL another interesting american study that contradicts the previous study.

And I am not sure which of these studies is telling the truth.

The prevalent belief, based on older studies, was that couples who cohabited before marriage were significantly more likely to split up than those who didn't. But a new report from the National Center for Health Statistics, based on the National Survey of Family Growth conducted in 2002, says differently.

The study, which surveyed 13,000 men and women between the ages of 15 to 44, reports that 71% of men who were engaged when they moved in with their future first wife made it to their 10th anniversary. For men who didn't cohabit before getting married, the success rate dropped slightly to 69%.

 

This is a careful selection of couples who not only ended up marrying but were ENGAGED prior to cohab. i.e., this is cream of the co-habiting crop. One would expect that this data would be similar to the at large married population, which it is (71% to 69%).

Unfortunately, most people don't cohabit merely between engagement and marriage. This larger (cohabiting prior to engagement) population's success in follow-up marriages, I suspect might not be that strong statistically.

OP- apologies for the diversion.

 

Unfortunately, being engaged while in cohabitation does not mean a whole lot as opposed to just cohabiting without being engaged, in western societies so I'd be wary of the cream of the crop qualifier. Engagements can be just as easily broken as cohabitation arrangements and engagements do not guarantee marriages. In my specific case, we cohabited first and discussed the marriage possibility and engagement was just a ceremonial step. In lot of cases in the west, the women will pressure the man to get engaged just to give an added sense of security without realizing engagements do not guarantee marriages. And lot of people these days do not even opt to marry or get engaged and just happy in cohabitation and I have to admit, I would have been just as happy in cohabitation only vs getting married. Being married somehow does not make me feel any special as much as finding someone I love and want to live with, with or without being married.

Anyways I think I should cease this debate for now in this thread as this is not the appropriate thread to debate this and nor does it do justice to the OP to take this thread completely offtopic from its original intended purpose. This topic should be debated in another appropriate venue or some dedicated thread devoted to this topic. My apologies to the OP for the diversion.