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Not Such A Good Idea To Confide In Friends!

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Needtobestrong, Sep 6, 2019.

  1. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    @Needtobestrong, you did your bit to help her. Who knows what she is undergoing? How do you know she is talking to the others? Maybe she is just maintaining a facade? Do not overthink into this. Humans are complex. I learnt a couple of things - most of us(including me) want to just pour out, we are not really interested in what others' suffering is, even those who listen really don't get the pain or don't understand what is really bothering the other person. The good thing about those who listen is that they at least listen giving the other person a chance to vent. The rest of the populace does not have even that much compassion. Maybe this friend just is not comfortable anymore or they have realized that venting is not that good a habit. Still sometimes, when things look like they are out of hand the person vents without thinking of consequences. It is okay that you were there in times of need, it's fine, don't regret having let this person talk. Don't fret and worry about it.
     
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  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    It is always good to share our issues with others, specially with friends.
    But what is more important is to understand and distinguish between friends and acquaintance.

    Who are your friends?
    Not everyone that crosses our paths are friends. Not everyone who share a phase of their lives with us are friends.
    Friends are someone who share same wavelength and have a good chemistry with us. Its not easy, and not everyone is blessed to have a true friend in real life.

    Having said that, sharing your inner turmoils with everyone that comes with a friendly camouflage will only backfire later in life. Better you be careful.
    Treat acquaintance as one, and don't expect them to share a piece of their heart with you all the time. Its impossible.

    But you can't hold on the things that bothers you always. It can affect your heart and brain later on.
    Better vent out, vent anonymously in forums like IL.

    Venting helps, and what's the big deal if a bunch of some on-line strangers criticize you for being so raw in your thought process!
    Use your anonymous ID for better
     
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  3. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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  4. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Not just easier; but, also more useful.

    For instance, you put out an "emotional crisis" post on an anonymous forum to see what kinds of responses you'd likely get from people with various world views..... related to such things as you had divulged. People would pile in and offer their 2 paisa worth of comments/opinions/suggestions/remedies/and so on.

    From that spectrum of various comments, you can try to figure out which one would your real (is Animus the opposite of Anonymous ?) friend might offer, and then decide whether or not you must load that real friend's mind with your crisis for that particular problem, considering how she might use that information in the future, or how that information might modify her estimate of you as an emotionally well-adjusted contact/acquaintance/friend/confidante.

    When real life is so rife with complexities, it is best to run a focus group test.... in an anonymous forum, even using a fictional crisis, if you must.
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2019
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  5. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    The entire IL could be an experimental playground for Nonya, which is why some of her replies (or pattern of replies) is a bit cryptic to you :)
     
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  6. bmaquarius

    bmaquarius Gold IL'ite

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    So true..but, we can't really control what's spoken by people around us friends, siblings, cousins children or parents..so building relationships on our terms aren't really possible..times friends could be a really sympathetic listener, but, essentially it doesn't mean anything more than someone who lends their ear. It's okay to have an occasional rave or rant without bothering about reactions..venting emotions are better than privacy issues. We need to talk more than we do out of fear of being judged or criticized by friends, family and societies around. Fear or conforming to social expectations of appearing correct or proper often inhibits our expression of our true feelings or emotions.
     
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  7. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I think everyone should find a friends network to vent and share troubles. But once one’s troubles have lessened, I think it is only appropriate to provide that service to someone else, this person or someone else...so that they feel supported during their troubled times. Troubles shared is the same as troubles divided. Helping each other carry each other’s burden is what humans should strive to do.

    I also believe that friends can only do so much. They can listen to you, knock some sense, give you perspective, hold your hand, etc, but in the end, it is you who is responsible for yourself and actions. It’s your responsibility to get your life in order, and it’s you who walks the steps and lays the price. Some friends can come like angels suddenly appearing to help, and disappearing just as quickly. To expect continued support is crazy, but to use that support to find the means to support oneself is priceless.
     
  8. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Exactly....

    You are not the real you when you are at the verge of an emotional crisis. The mental balance that you project in public will be lost when certain issues pops up in your life.
    But you will become to normalcy in no time. Just that you need some places to vent and share your emotions to be back to normal self.
    If you share your emotions with real life people, with the information that caused you all the troubles etc.. chances are very high that these real life people can judge you. Judge you forever based on your words and action at the time of crisis.
    It can redefine their perception about you, and that can be communicated with others as well.
    It hurts, and it is something unchangeable for life.

    Why spoil your image, when you are sure who you are. Even Mother Theresa would have acted weirdly at the lowest point of her life, gotten angry and what not. She was a human after all. But that's not her real self. She would have come back to self, and be normal on 90% of her times, but those 10% of bad examples shouldn't define her overall character, right?

    But in on-line forums, people judge you. Define your character based on what you write and what not. But who cares?
    After all, they are strangers to you. If it bothers, start a new ID and project yourself as if you are an angel. The same group will celebrate you.
     
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