Not Getting along with inlaws, am i being to harsh?

So are people in the west OK if their son and future dil tells them not to attend their wedding?

 

@ Parvathi - yes, if they have a proper explanation. I dont know if you meant to be sarcastic or not, am taking you up on face value. Normally both sides are considered equal and if the bride/groom feels strongly about this and they want to have a proper wedding they let it go. Ofcourse, like all parents they would like to attend the wedding, but they would understand its about the bride and the groom and atleast wont be super rude to the bride.

 

I think it is the mistake of OP and DH combined.

1. DH should have explained about his family to OP. I mean, every family is different, and when we see that our spouse's thinking is different from what we grew up with, we should make that explanation to the spouse as well as parents. Otherwise situations like this crop up, where each dont understand the other.

2. OP is wrong too. I think be it India or any other country, parents are always excited about a child being married. Come on, its their own child and not some relative's! Agreed that it was not going to be a lavish affair and was being done only due to some specific reasons, but then if you see that your in laws are so excited to visit, you should have shown respect. They were not going to ruin it for you. And foreign born or Indian born, we do know how parents want to bless their child on marriage. You could have respectfully denied the park wedding if it was so necessary to have a courtroom marriage, but denying them strictly to come is going too far.

I say this, because, now that you are married, you are related to not just your DH but his parents (your in laws) too. They too are family. You should consider their wishes too. They just wanted to visit, you didn't have to go out of your way to accomodate them.

I think you denying them was unfair, you thinking that "it is unfair that DH has his family and you cant have yours" is REALLY UNFAIR. His family is your family now. Stop thinking of them as outside your family. That would hurt them more.

 

Not Getting along with inlaws, am i being to harsh?.......Yes you are....!

I am quiet surprised ....how can someone not invite parents for a wedding.....your husband is their son first......imagine your DIL doing the same thing with you.

God Forbid understand...all they wanted was to attend your marriage and bless you both.....they did not say to your marraige.....if you wanted your marraige to be a silent affair....it cud have been but atleast parents invited.....emotions and feelings.....none at all....!

Husband's parents.....aren't your parents in law......think from their perspective......they missed their son's wedding....so self centered ......be human talk to them.....apologize for whatever has happened.....and try to mend the situation....afterall they deserve this.....!

Regards,

Smartgirl

 

next time your PIL taunt you about the wedding. Tell them they can take part in the real wedding. Court house was so boring and a formality. Don't cry over trivial issues please. Have a better realtion with your husband. he seems like a nice guy to agree to what you said. Parents always forgive kids mistakes.

 

You look like you turned into a bridezilla

 

just ask urself if reverse be the situation , where ur parents are in town and his aint, then wud u or wudnt u invite them? and wud it be justified if he felt bad abt ur parents being able to make it while his cant.

 

I was thinking the same,

 

Hmm...reading all the above posts I think everyone has a point and different perspectives. I sort of agree with Mommybird, that we need to take in consideration that culture and socialization does make a lot of difference and maybe "marriage" "wedding" means different to different people. What I like about the OP here is that she is very open about her feelings, her wants and needs and her fiance/ husband understands it. If both of them have come to an understanding that the courthouse wedding is only a formality for visa purposes then I guess his family should not have a problem with that. I am sure that his parents would want to come, however, it is up to his fiance to decide if this is a make or break situation. Citing from my own example, I am Catholic and my husband is Hindu. We got married in India, both by Catholic and Hindu traditions. Since I was a little girl I had always wanted to wear a wedding gown and get married, but I did not want my husband's family to feel out of place at our church wedding - I decided to wear a sari instead of a gown and did a lot of other things to make them feel comfortable. I did it despite my husband telling me that he would make his family understand, I need not make a sacrifice with my dreams. However, I did it because I did not want to start my married life with drama or hurt feelings. Unfortunately, it helped nobody because my MIL was still not happy and though my husband and me have been married for 5 years, she brings up a lot of things that "went wrong" in our wedding and marriage. I regret now, that to please her I sacrificed my dreams. My wedding revolved around my MIL and her needs - and not about me or my husband. I tell myself, as it is she does not like you and still finds fault, I might as well have done things my way.
The point I want to make is - listen to your heart. If your fiance and you have arrived at an arrangement about your wedding and your big day then you should do just that.

 

"Currently having a hard time with jobs and money now in Canada"

Wonder if you got married to him because you wanted someone from the U.S? Anyway,your parents are happy because they anyway cant make it to the courthouse wedding and so the best they could do is congratulate you. Had the situation been reversed...I dont think your parents would be kind on your husband either.
The wedding is about you...but try to think of his parents too. You could have the courthouse wedding but did you atleast try and reason out if just his immediate family would be ok to be there? (instead of cousins etc)

You cant have your cake and eat it too. Learn to make adjustments!