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Not Calling Mom Anymore

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by anivijay, Jun 30, 2020.

  1. anivijay

    anivijay Silver IL'ite

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    Just a vent again...

    Few of you, knew me already. Now , this is the issue.

    I completed my studies and left my home in 2002. From 2002, to until few months back, I called my mom everyday. It doesn't matter whether I am working, staying at home, have young kids, living abroad. nothing matters. I call her. She used to say, its like I am coming and sitting in the house and talk to them. sometimes she said, she never missed me. I am visiting her everyday.

    After she retired, I talked to her atleast 1 hour so that she wont feel lonely. I shared all my problems, listen to her, gossips about relatives.

    Then I noticed, she used to cut my call, if she gets another call. I used to say, why can't you call them after I finish.. or if its important, they'll call you back. she never minded, even if its a marketing call, she'll cut my call.

    Later after sister's son born, calls becomes shorter. she would say, he is sleeping or he is crying..

    3months before, my uncle visited my mother and after he left, I asked her , what did he say. She replied, he said good bye. Didn't I know that he would have said bye while leaving. Later she told, sister's son was disturbing her. so she said that. But she could have said, I don't have time. I'll talk to you later. Anyhow, I got hurted.

    I understood, she is busy with her daughter, grand son and son in law. she doesn't have time. Anyhow, now its WhatsApp call. She can call me anytime she wants. Because, when I call her, I don't know what she is doing. So, I stopped calling her.

    Now, she is calling me once in a week. for 5 mins. asking me how are you, what kids are doing. I reply back and ask same questions. That's it. If I ask what else, she would reply nothing .

    When I go to my in-law's house, they will talk about weather, water problem and they will talk about family issues to my husband after I leave. Now , my mom is doing the same. she is not sharing any family issues or anything about relatives. instead she is asking me about this Royal family.. where is Harry / how is prince Charles and Kameela/ is Meghan pregnant.. don't know whether to cry or laugh..

    My mother is one who connects me with extended family. now I feel isolated. I heard, she scolded younger sister to share some stuff with me saying family matters should stay inside our family.

    I wonder, she could survive without talking to me for 7 days.. my heart is aching..

    All these years, I thought that by talking to her, I am giving her emotional support and reducing her loneliness. But now I realise, I actually disturbed her all these years. I took all her time.

    I was never a priority to her. Before marriage, I was staying in working women hostel. It was pre-mobile time and there was a landline in hostel. I never got a single call from her even though they had a free landline at home.

    ok, let it be..

    I hope I don't do any mistake here. I am always a phone call away. I am not ignoring her or not talking to her.If I am at meeting, I call her immediately once I finish. It is she who doesnot require me anymore.

    Thanks for reading.
     
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  2. salad

    salad Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    @anivijay have been there don that. But realised that is not the way to go.

    It's okay to take a break. It's normal.

    You invested a lot emotionally to your mother. But you must have spread to few people. Then when one get busy there are other people to count on.

    When i realised i am being emotionally dependent on just one soul exact same thought came. Won't call anymore. But it was not that easy. It hurt. Try calling your extended family yourself. In this era you have all kind of source. You may find friend over there.

    Create a routine for yourself set priorities for yourself.

    Invest that time meaningfully. Make some new friends. Keep a time for your mother. Sunday evening or friday evening ( if she calls or not call. You call her for 5 minutes. Keep it short) don't start venting or share any of your details. If she want hi-bye keep it hi-bye. May be you both needed a break from each other.

     
  3. anivijay

    anivijay Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks Salad for the reply.

    I understand.

    After lockdown, I am calling my aunts once a month. I have few friends with whom I can share anything.

    But not talking to my mom, its painful. Hours of talking, talking openly what's in my mind everything became a distant dream.

    I'll try to follow your advice.

    Thanks
     

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