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Not Another Kissing Snippet!!!!!

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Balajee, Dec 6, 2014.

  1. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    I could have called this blog Kiss Kiss Kill Kill II after a piece I wrote about two weeks ago . But then I hate sequels. I never watch movies whose titles have suffixes like II, III or IV. I really admire the patience of viewers who watched movies like Friday the 13[SUP]th[/SUP] Umpteenth. I think that series should have a happy ending with some tired viewers hacking the producer and director in the style of the films’ ogre Jason.

    Yes despite my best efforts to avoid repetition of subject this is another kissing blog. What can I do with kisses causing so much of trouble they are fun. But this time it is not the trouble that could be caused through bacteria because of kissing but brother-in-law trouble.

    An incident reported in today’s Times of India proved the point of our respected moral policemen who frown upon such sinfull acts. It broke the myth that kissing is a form of bonding and proved that kissing could be a powerful bond breaker.

    It happened at a marriage in Aligarh . The groom’s elder brother’s wife got so excited by the joyful event that she went and smooched her BIL and dragged him forcibly to the dance floor. The paper didn’t say whether it was just an innocent brotherly peck or a full smooch on the lips . But the kiss certainly packed a punch as it was followed by punches.

    The bride’s family just didn’t frown at the incident. They did more than that. They started a battle royale with the groom’s side that wasn’t restricted to verbal duels but went on to wrestling and boxing matches.. The bride’s party ran amok and locked up the groom and bashed up his side.

    I fully understand the bashing up of the groom’s family but why lock him up when you no longer wanted him.? If you wanted him on the other hand, why lock him up? After all if the marriage took place he would be under your daughter’s lock and key , a life imprisonment unless death or divorce does them part.?

    And despite the unruly behaviour I must salute the bride’s side. Normally, it is the bride’s party that is the underdog. But these guys decided that they were the bosses. Will someone give them a bravery award please!!!!! The only other wedding where I have seen such a bravery was at a relative’s marriage in which I was on the groom’s side. No I was not bashed up but the bride’s dad made the groom’s papa frequently pop in tranquilizers. The boy and girl are happily married but the two families strangely don’t talk to each other.

    And I must tell the Aligarh groom and his family that they got away lucky. The trend nowadays during the wedding procession is for someone to fire in the air with a gun. In Delhi there have been incidents when the gunmen were such lousy shots that the bullets hit the groom who had to be carried to the wedding venue on a bier. You will admit that in such a condition it was impossible to take even a single step around the fire let alone the traditional seven.

    The groom in this case should consider hiself fortunate that the bride’s party were gentle non-violent types who preferred to punch the noses and box the ears of his people instead of pulling the trigger.

    I make it a point not to attend these western Uttar Pradesh weddings. I have had two bad experiences with them. In the first, I was in the bride’s party and the wedding card wrongly mentioned the wedding venue as the place where the groom’s party was staying.l landed up there to see tables stacked with all sort of appetizing goodies but didn’t find a single familiar face.

    I was ravenously hungry but was in a Hamletian state of mind (To tuck in or not to tuck in that’s the question) I was ravenously hungry. You see I am programmed to feel hunger whenever I see a table stacked with all sort of chaat – paani puris, tikkis and what not. But just when I was about to approach the table, the bride’s brother rushed in and came straight for me. He hoped that I hadn’t touched the items meant exclusively for the groom’s side. If they catch someone from the bride’s side touching it, we could bid goodbye to the wedding, he said. I assured him that I didn’t pollute with my profane touch the sacred goodies meant for the groom’s gluttons. He heaved a sigh of relief and took me to his home where the wedding was to be finalized.. Evem there I starved and was given only liquids (sadly non-alcoholic) and was informed that solids (read dinner) would be served only after the groom’s procession arrived. I was almost fainting with hunger. So I left my wife there and took a cab to have a massive meal at home. Later the wife told me that the groom’s party arrived around midnight and I was lucky to escape a starvation death.

    In the second case also I was on the underdog’s (that’s the bride’s) side. A cousin of a friend of mine was getting married and I didn’t know her and couldn’t tell her from eve. But this friend dragged me to the wedding hoping to show a good crowd.(At that time I was so hugely fat that I looked like a one man crowd).. Even there the dinner was delayed until the groom arrived on horse back dead drunk. I feel that downing one or two pegs before marriage is fine because tying the knot is a tremendous act of will but going to extremes in this respect was a bit too much… I didn’t know how the groom managed the mandatory walk around the fire with the bride. It must have been a Himalayan achievement for him in that state.. I feel that wedding venues in Delhi and surrounding areas should carry a statutory warning that tying the knot could be injurious to health.


    As for the Aligarh groom’s sister in law I think she did a service to her husband’s brother. The family got punched only once because the marriage broke. Had the wedding gone on the poor groom could have become a lifelong punching bag of his wife and her family. He should thank his bhabhi, stop worrying and be happy.

    That’s all for now folks. If you got deceived by the title and expected more smooches I am sorry. You see I keep them to the minimum. I am on the moral police’s side.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2014
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  2. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Balajee,

    When I read this snippet, I was not sure how to respond. So let me start with this - thank God for your sense of humor, the phrases like "one man crowd" and "Hamletian state of mind" brought a smile! Then, when you say you hate sequels, all I could think of was the sequels I have enjoyed - not that I look forward to them but the dhoom series was surprise to me, perhaps it is because I started with dhoom 3, got curious and went backwards and my vote stays with dhoom 3 much to the annoyance of most people who feel it was a bakwaas movie. Oh well there is some joy in not following the crowd :)

    No, no my intention was not to get to the subject of your actual thread, just that I got sidetracked and when I hear the stories from you or kamalji, I often end up wondering where we are headed and it depresses me. Now you see why that thanks to God was offered first knowing well you couldn't care less about the subject. Your experiences indeed are crazy. I was part of only one friends' wedding that close and thankfully I was at such an impressionable age that seeing the smile and joy on my friend's face, I just put aside everything I thought was ridiculous. I am glad though for my friend is happily married for ages now and he is a super good guy! But the weddings do take an interesting color what with so many people involved. I just wish the concerned elders would pause and be only concerned to watch the joy in the bride and grooms face and bless them!

    I don't have to say I enjoyed the snippet do I? The flow was real good and it made an interesting read for me!
     
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  3. GoogleGlass

    GoogleGlass IL Hall of Fame

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    a humorous one B' as usual :):):)

    the kissing episode and the fight after could make great ad material for a tooth paste.

    show the kiss, the fight and say the fight was due to un-brushed or not brushed and because of the bad smell and then say use this paste and avoid bad smell and fights :)
     
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  4. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Sabitha I think Dhoom 3 is a ridiculous movie. I don't know what made an intelligent thinking actor like Aamir Khan associate himself with this franchise.To be fair Aamir is the saving grace of an otherwise totally silly film. But the pint is as an Aamir fan, I feel uncomfortable to watch him being part of such movies that insult the viewer's intelligence.. .you shouldn't give a serious thought to my and Kamalji's threads. We look at the absurdity of the world and highlight it.
     
  5. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    GG great Idea. A slight alteration. First they kiss and then fight because of bad breath and later when they brush the teeth attracted by the lovely frabngrabt breath courtesy the toothpaste there is an all round kissing spree.
     
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  6. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Balaji, Great snippet. Loved reading it. Looks like the bacteria in the brides mouth were attracted to the bacteria of the BIL's mouth!!!

    Anyway, the whole snippet reminded me of the Chinese saying, "May you live in interesting times".

    For NRIs, all this is really difficult to believe, we have our vision and fond memories of India, of the time we left so all such news is a culture shock for us.
     
  7. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Akansha such things have been happening in the hinterlands of India for years and years and only now with the spreading of media network even to the hinterlands, they are coming to light. I aabout m sure such things must have been hapening even when you were in India. Itis not the bride getting kissed by BIL but the groom getting kissed by his brother's wife.
     
  8. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Loved the way you have presented an otherwise mundane bit of news Balajee. You and Kamalji sure do have the knack of picking up the choicest bits and lacing them with your trademark humour! :-D
     
  9. madhuprabha

    madhuprabha Gold IL'ite

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    Hello Balajee sir,
    I totally agree with Sachidananda sir' s FB.
    U and Kamal Sir have a witty side and present even d mundane news in a humours way. Though i read TOI,i seemed to have missed this news. But i am glad i did becoz i loved u have written it.
     
  10. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Satchi thanks but I don't think bride's party bashing up groom's is a mundane bit of news. It is normally the other way, that is groom's side pounding the bride's to a pulp. This is the classic man bites dog story.
     
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