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Not Able To Let Go.

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by paru123, Jan 16, 2021.

  1. paru123

    paru123 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    This post is about a lady in our society, who I feel was being mean to me. She did not invite me for her brother's wedding which happened in November.. She invited her two best friends from the society and her dad invited few more people for the wedding. But they conveniently excluded me. After the wedding, the ones who attended started giving me looks as to why I was not invited. Thats because , all know that I was more known or friendly to them, her especially , than few of the other people who attended. I was very much disturbed by this. But 2 days later she called me to tell sorry that they actually forgot to invite me. I cannot believe that they forgot. Now yesterday, she had a function in her brother's house. She invited most of the ladies for it. She went to few of their houses personally for inviting but in my case she came to my adjacent flat, but did not knock on my door. If she wished she could have. I was again hurt and i told her i cannot come for the function. She asked for reason on WhatsApp, n I gave a vague one. Again all are looking at me as I am the bad one. In our society all are well connected through gossips about each other. I try to justify her many times in my mind that she must have really forgotten me, but not able to let go the fact that they ignored me. Today happened to see her dad outside and he immediately turned his face away from me. If there was a bit genuinity in them he could have smiled..Now it looks like that me not attending their function is a bigger mistake. Can they not see it as a tit for tat response and behave normal like before. Not inviting is ok for them but not attending the function after invitation is a bigger mistake. I seriously dont want to have any interactions with them hereafter but my kid and her kid are friends.
    Cant take it off my mind as here all are seeing me as the villain. Even my family members say that I should have had the bigger heart to attend her function. But my ego is a bit satisfied as I did not attend her function. Is it not right to take such a small revenge.
     
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  2. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    I don’t understand one thing...when they didn’t bother inviting you, why are you being criticized for not attending?in a public gathering maybe you can say “ it would have been nice if you’d called me, I too would have enjoyed the festivities...”
    I think such things should be clarified then and there...when anyone asked you could have told them plainly that you could not attend the wedding because invite was not sent to you...why did you cover up for her...
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  3. paru123

    paru123 Silver IL'ite

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    They did not invite me for the wedding, but she did invite me for the function at home on phone. My kid told me that aunty was standing outside my neighbor's flat. She invited them personally. So i felt she could have come to my flat as well for inviting. As such ,we have not had seen each other's face after the wedding.
    The guys in the society cannot ask me why i did not attend her function. First of all its corona time and secondly its a ladies program so they cannot just ask. My family members also say that I should have gone for the function to keep the relation. But I didnt want to go as they didnt invite me for the wedding deliberately and then they made it up by telling sorry, forgot. I didnt find any sincerity in their approach.
     
  4. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Can understand why you felt hurt and why you didn’t attend...you did what you think is right, leave it at that and don’t analyse what others think..anyways not safe to attend gatherings during this pandemic.
     
  5. Preet82

    Preet82 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Paru123,
    Why don't you confront this lady directly and sort it out. Otherwise this question of why you were not invited will always be bothering you.
     
  6. Novalis

    Novalis Gold IL'ite

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    Too much self-importance is presumed about our attention in other's lives. That stare, that turn off, that sensation of being observed! The predominant regret as we age is the realization that none speculated and bothered as much as our imagination conferred them. They (the skew-eyed and straight-eyed spectators) probably are worried to the teeth about their own attention and bugbears of their doubted wrong doers.

    That's a telepathic, yet, hostile interpretation! The other possibility being those others were just amused by some wardrobe malfunction unknown to you deliberating whether to tell you - hey your skirt -- hence the stare. In the long run, it is better to nurture charitable inferences from broad possibilities.

    Don't let your mind race away in extreme imaginings merely based on sensory inferences.

    You might gut feel it with infallible might and insistence, THEY DID LOOK AT ME THAT WAY WITH THAT INTENT, but as you age, you will learn to identify confirmation bias playing up in our minds suspecting sticky intent even in the most dissociated interactivity.

    Hmm! I am afraid you might feel different about such theorizing years later.

    If you can, while you are still young, preempt from such advanced interpretations and chuckle away at that 'seeing' as being a struggle of their reciprocal kind (they are lost themselves and seeing at you that way imagining if you are thinking about them as villain in a mutual misbelief).
     
  7. paru123

    paru123 Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for the detailed reply. I was very much disturbed during those days, but now I feel silly about it.
    They actually wanted a help from me for their wedding and with this intent or foresight they were giving me unnecessary attention for the past 2 years, but due to corona situation everything changed unplanned and I could not be of any use.
    Why invite when you are of no use to us was the logic applied by them, especially when u have to restrict the invitees.

    Now whenever I see them we both behave like usual, but with her dad its not the same like before.
     

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