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Not Able To Handle Things

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Saina999, Oct 13, 2021.

  1. Saina999

    Saina999 New IL'ite

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    I can go on my own but the thing is this relationship will end.Im not sure how he is going to take if i ask him to take treatment.
     
  2. peet1983

    peet1983 Silver IL'ite

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    I'm wondering after everything us happened in front your parents, how they can send you with him. How they can sleep peacefully while their daughter and grand son stays with a person who behaves weird.
     
  3. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    Why is he doing all this, I have not read any of your previous posts. What is it that is bothering him. Why is he angry.
     
  4. Saina999

    Saina999 New IL'ite

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    He is not able to self realize about him.not able to accept his mistakes.
     
  5. Saina999

    Saina999 New IL'ite

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    Forget about sleeping they are not even eating properly they are also worried but they too want him to realize the facts happening.
     
  6. Mistt

    Mistt IL Hall of Fame

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    You are forgetting that your parents aren't happy seeing your struggles and unhappy married life. Just allow me to ask one question. Is that so called society helping you in this plight? Please stop worrying about what others talk on behind you or how the society treat your son. Your son has been watching and suffering along with you. It affects on his mental health. Please look for a job and if possible take your husband to counseling. Get courage to do some changes which are going to give happiness in your life.
     
  7. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    "My kid is asking him to take to grandparents house"
    "He is a narcissist having all those symptoms"
    "No one is important to you other than this family"
    "If he sees me calling and telling abt him he will definitely behave weird again"

    OP,
    See this pattern. He is trying to control and isolate you. Its an abusive behavior.
    Your kid sense it. He is right. Poor kid.
    Moving away from him wont give you divorce, so your legal relationship wont end. You can consult an attorney for more info.

    If he is a narcistic person, he will never realise his mistake. He will never change. If he pretends to have any change, its temporary. Some miracle should happen, otherwise.

    Also, going to counselling wont work. You may go alone to heal yourself. He will manipulate the situation including counsellor (other wise the counselor should be an expert in that area). So you will face all the blame.

    So be practical. If you want you can continue but your life will be a hell. These kind of treatment not going to stop.

    If he abuse you physically, never stay with him. Your kid needs you.
    Where is his family, friends, relatives and society now? No one is there to help. Only you suffer.Good that your parents realised the issue, so ask them what to do.

    If you want to live with him, first die inside and be numb. Your can coexist but you will die slowly inside. Be like a rock with no feelings. Dont talk about his mistakes, praise him, ignore his verbal abuse, talk about neutral topics like weather only. Dont give any personal details to him. Dont complain. Suffer in silence. Watch your tone. Isolate yourself and live in fear. Dont expect any empathy. Can you do that? A normal human being cant.

    So take control of your life, as a last attempt tell him you cant live with him like this, if he want you in his life, he should stop interefering in your life and respect your boundary. If he abuse you this way, you will walk away. You need everyone including your friends and family. You cant cut them off. If he wants he can cut his family off. Will he do it? Never. Be firm and strong. If he abuse you, get out of the house and go to a safe place like your parents home. Also, demand that he should come to counselling or you go alone. Talk in a neutral, calm tone.

    Counselling won't work well because he feel exposed. Its like getting a narcistic wound. It can elevate the issue. So read articles, on narcistic relationship to empower you. YouTube channels like Dr Ramani's can give some idea.

    Whatever it is, it is time to take bold steps and define boundary. Only you can help you.
    Your husband can't/ wont understand your agony, its his personality disorder. You are wasting time, if you try to change him. If you stay, it will be a never ending battle.

    Sorry for your situation. Hugs to you.
    Your kid and you should be your priority now. As you are going through lot of stress makes sure that you are eating neutrient rich food. If not, it can affect your health. If you have a job, keep your money in your own account. Be safe.

    If you cant protect your kid and give him a secure, peaceful and happy life, whats the point of having a relationship with an abuser.

    Example of videos on this topic below. Also watch videos on impact of abuse( narcistic ) on kids if you are not aware of it.
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2021
    Rihana and peet1983 like this.
  8. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Put your child and his safety above everything else at this point. Do not stay with an unstable person - you cannot fix a narcissist if that’s his underlying issue. They get worse with age. There is no fixing things or working with him because he doesn’t seem to realize he has a problem. You put yourself and your son first. He needs a sane parent right now. If your husband cannot accept his issues, there is no helping him. Get out while you are still able to.
     
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  9. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    Your parents are dying inside as you receive the blow and you are repeating the cycle by allowing your son to take the blow while you die inside...

    This cycle needs to stop. Its insane.
     
    Mistt and Rihana like this.
  10. Saina999

    Saina999 New IL'ite

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