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"no One Should Change After Marriage" Guy.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sneha1985, Nov 17, 2020.

  1. chanchitra

    chanchitra Silver IL'ite

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    How is his social life. Does he have Friends
     
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  2. sneha1985

    sneha1985 Gold IL'ite

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    Not many. He came to US for work and hence couldn't make many friends. He said he also does not like to hang out with Indians, but wants Indian wife and keeps comparing Indian and American culture sometimes. He has one American friend in another state who he hangs out with sometimes, one Indian female friend in the same city who he said is his undergrad friend. And mentions about 2 other Indian female friends sometimes, but am not sure if they are really his friends or someone he met via shaadi.com. He only talks about one meeting of theirs.
     
  3. chanchitra

    chanchitra Silver IL'ite

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    Most indian guys come to USA for work.
    Usually bachelor's have lots of friends, play sports. He maybe a introvert.
    HE does not like change.
    This is just my thought. He could have Aspergers.
     
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  4. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Silver IL'ite

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    Cheapskate !! A dual-income couple in IT work is a mutual unemployment insurance scheme. Undependable insurers are not good.

    You are lucky that you are not too far gone into this relationship. Reading "He clearly told me the way he is living is less complicated" should make you wonder, and imagine who he'd blame when asked to change nappies for his child. Even as you know, and accept that many arranged marriages may end up in long married lives with contentious sharing of lodgings, chores, expenses and scant mutual affection, explicit warnings about such things is a good thing that was not available to those who got hitched prior to IT & communications technology.
    Yes, you are lucky.
     
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  5. sneha1985

    sneha1985 Gold IL'ite

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    Possibly.. am not denying that he could be introvert. I came to US for studies and hence I have few more friends than him. But in this age it's difficult to make more friends and yes it's more difficult when you come here just for work. Even I hate the change. However my main concern would be his attitude. We had many things in common, but if for one or two things our minds/thoughts doesn't match then that doesn't mean I am immature and he can disappear saying he would call next day when I asked to talk for 5 more mins. Atleast could have sent a message saying he doesn't want to take it further.
     
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  6. sneha1985

    sneha1985 Gold IL'ite

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    There seriously seems to be something with him or his family that he is hiding for sure. Yes too what all "no change after marriage" applies is my main concern for him... but his thoughts of not talking too much with family and some other things that he has said or he doesn't open up much is my another concern.

    I had met a guy in past whom I was almost about to get married. We had said yes and parents were left to decide the dates and he started putting restrictions on me as to how much can I share/talk to my parents and our common family friends. He then added how much time can I work, where can I go to work and things that we had discussed about kids and life after marriage everything changed and I had to call it off. In his case, he had a past and 2 families had got into conflicts and hence this time around he wanted a girl who is not much connected to her family. I used to talk once a week with my parents, so he went ahead with me, but later he started realizing I am much close to my parents and then he started having problems. He then got married to a woman outside of his whole criteria, only because she doesn't have parents.

    In that case as well I had made up my mind to not share anything with parents post marriage except only incase of anything extreme happens then I will. That's what I said to this guy too that I will only share in case of extremes and he disappeared. And yes, there are other red flags too which I was thinking would be manageable.
     
  7. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    What's with the red and blue fonts? We come here to escape elections results : )

    LOL. : ) If you are left to loiter in the greeting cards aisle in mid-Feb, one can imagine you tapping shoppers gently on the shoulder telling them to desist from buying cards .. whispering warnings even as they open the cards and peruse the hackneyed lines inside. : )
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    If he disappears for good without even a message, that is not nice but it is good riddance. OTOH, if he remains in touch and his style of operation is to avoid discussion each time there is disagreement, and postpone it with no fixed timeframe to revisit the topic, that does not bode well.
     
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  9. sneha1985

    sneha1985 Gold IL'ite

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    He usually calls in evening and hasn't called today as well. So I guess he disappeared and will not come back. Even if he comes back, when I re-think of all he has asked or told me, there seems to be many red flags for me. Seems like of a controlling nature to me and the way he behaved now kind of also shows how he handles disagreements.
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2020 at 9:39 AM
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  10. netflx

    netflx Silver IL'ite

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    Whoa! Whaat, wait! This is the problem of these online relationship help, a few lines and anecdotes, and people are diagnosing "potential" psychological conditions! This is not right. Aspergers is something that only a qualified doctor or professional can diagnose after a lot of observation and interactions, and we can't just throw the word around lightly. But then again this is the caveat OP needs to be careful when posting so many random interaction snippets on a forum
     
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