No Excuses Please

No Excuses Please


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Yesterday was Teachers day, 5[SUP]th[/SUP] Sept. Do u know what is today, 6[SUP]th[/SUP] Sept? No ? Well yesterday I was a student, and today I turn a teacher, I will tell u what day it is today.


6[SUP]th[/SUP] of September has been coined as “ NO EXCUSE DAY”. Today one has to promise not to make any excuse, not to the boss, nor to the wife, no excuse in short !!!


Well one more day added to the Card Manufacturers, they will mint money. People love making excuses. In jaipur the common excuse is, I got stuck at the Fatak, meaning the railway gates, which are still around at some places. Actually the guy left home late.



There is this old story about a school kid, who used to make many stories about his coming late to school.One day the teacher told him, u better tell me an original excuse now, u have exhausted the grandfather ill, dog serious etc. With a calm face the boy says” Teacher, as I was brushing, I accidentally pressed the toothpaste hard, and a lot of it came out. Dad came, and told me , if u don’t put it back in the tube, I will trash u. So teacher , it took me a long long time to do so.” The teacher fainted.


I have many excuses myself, and I cannot afford this luxury of even one day of not making any excuse. See a lot of friends come asking for loans. So I have to make excuses to not give them the loans. One favorite one of mine is this . When I come to know that a friend whose daughter is getting married, may ask for a loan, this is what I do. Before he gives me the card, I go myself into the lion’s den, with a box of sweets, worth say 500/- and congratulate him for his daughters forthcoming marriage, and then tell him casually that I have bought a great piece of property in Sangli or Sholapur( aplace he wont ever visit) for say 50 lakhs , at a steal, and I have broken my Fixed deposits, taken loans against my house also, and now infact looking to borrow money from, some friends.So for 500 bucks I removed one borrower from my list.



Now this friend will drop all ideas of borrowing from me, thinking I am broke, ad will run away further , that maybe kamal may ask me a loan instead. To others, I make the excuse, why did u not call me last week, I had 5 lakhs spare, but brother asked, for 2 lakhs loan, but I gave him 5 , he will return next year.



Then big people also make excuses. Indrani Mukherjee said she had heard that for every 1000 men there are only 800 women, hence she married 3 times, some say 5 times. She was helping the men u see.



Laloo Prasad Yadav has a dozen kids, and when asked why, gave the excuse, that the government slogan those days was, Hum Do humare Do, but since he was in the opposition, he had to do the opposite.


Another guy, thin as a stick, too had a dozen kids in Jaipur. When I asked him, his excuse was, that his wife used to sleep on the cot, and the air around him was so fertile, that as he entered the room, by Wi fi, his wife used to get pregnant !!!



These are what I call brilliant excuses.

I receive many wedding cards, but attend a few, where it is very essential. Best excuse for not attending, I had loose motions.No one can cross verify. I mean u cannot carry a lota to the wedding, can u ? So envelope saved, and the trouble. Another one is, my daughters inlaws, who stay abroad, came suddenly to town, no one can dispute that. Third one is, I was in Mumbai for my medical check up.



So excuses are good for me at least, saves me a lot of loans, and marriage envelopes. And then I sit back, with a lemon juice in hand( how the mighty fall, previously there used to be a whiskey glass in hand), and watch the indrani saga unfold on the idiot box.



So life is full of excuses. But don’t give me excuse of forgetting to write a comment on my blog. I will take revenge, and send Peter and Indrani Mukherjee to yr houses, then don’t blame me for what will happen.They have a habit of stealing spouses, if u know what I mean !!! What say !!!


HAHA


KAMAL MAHTANI

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Happy Teacher's Day in advance to all the wives...

.who tirelessly teach & lecture their husband.....



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Swamiji, I doubt my husband has been cheating on me.... I have doubt on one woman.... what to do?
.
.
.
.
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Take your husband to that woman's doorstep...and see if his wi-fi connects automatically. .
Can't beat this one , all you guys beware.
Technology can be dangerous



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By the end of the interrogation of Sheena murder case,

Indrani will convince Police Commissioner to become her next husband



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Radhe maa aur lndrani ka aaj ka joint statement –

"Why should boys have all the fun."




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Teacher:- who is your 'role model'?

Girl: Ma'am, Indrani Mukharjee!

Teacher: (Shocked) Why?

Girl:- See Ma'am, Abdul Kalam passed away - no debate. Sania won Wimbledon - 10 minutes coverage. 4/5 toppers in IAS are women - do we even know?

Indian women hockey team got entry in Olympics after 20 years - have we ever heard? Have we ever seen any interview from Indra Nooyi ...ChandaKochchar...?? Madam Bhattacharya of SBI or Nishi Vasudeva of HPCL...


Look at Indrani Mukharjee, inch by inch they are covering, how much struggle she had , how ambitious she is, how beautiful she looks....

how many husbands she had... what companies she had... I am inspired by what I see in TV... Ma'am I want to become full cover story like Indrani Mukharjee ..!

How shameful our media is...

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..
Tips for wives who cook!!
.
1) .....While seasoning, if you put few drops of whisky, the oil doesn't burn

2) .....While kneading dough, put a few drops of beer and the chapatis will be golden brown

3 .....If you add a few drops of vodka in paneer, it will not spoil in summer time

4) .....Putting red wine in dal will enhance the taste
.
If you can't manage the above,

.
5) .....Pour 4 pegs in your husband's mouth,

then it doesn't matter how your food tastes!!

 

Dear Coolpie, Yes media goes overboard, like in the lalit modi case, then sushma swaraj, vasundra raje, and then all disappear totally, making u wonder what happened. Now indrani has disappeared from the newspapers. Excuses are there for everyone. Did u read, that the dead body of Sheena Bora was discovered very close to the former farmhouse of Ranjeet the villian.Seems in 92 or so, 6 dead bodies were recovered from his farmhouse, and no case was made. Strange eh !

 

Dear Vani, Thank u for the kind words.

 

Dear Surekhap,

Make sure the person knows that 6th sept is no excuse day, otherwise he wil have a few excuses ready.HAHA

Well wives are great teachers, but then so are men, who nag the same thing over and over again.
So scores even.Joke aya tha, maine daal diya.

Well indrani , poor thing she must never have worn a chunni or duppatta over her face ever, now she is covered all the time. Feel sorry for her, from where to where she has gone eh ! She is not allowed home food also, for there is fear that it may come poisoned.Wow !

Well since u have been kind to post a lvoely comment, so i am cancelleing their tickets to yr home town.HAHAHAHAHAHA