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No Connection

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Penelope, Oct 10, 2018.

  1. Penelope

    Penelope Bronze IL'ite

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    After 3 years of marriage
    I feel like we are roommates.
    He pays the bills and gives affection when he feels like it and expects that I should have no complaints... even if he is having a bad attitude he says he was joking I shouldn't be so negative by saying I don't like it.

    I am tired of crying and complaining.
    Up until about 2 weeks ago I adored him and wanted to be close to him whenever possible even when he had upset me.

    But after so many times he blew me off, ignored me, disrespected me, rejected me...in conversations, in my actions, in bed...

    I felt something shift. I don't feel warmth anymore when I look toward him... I feel repulsed. I don't want to sit beside him, I don't want to snuggle up to him at bed time, I don't even feel like hugging him (I don't refuse to If he initiates, but this is strange for me bc I love to hug) I try to avoid him when we are both at home. Used to be I couldn't stay mad at him but this time it's like my feelings for him just turned off.

    I don't know what to do. He is starting to notice and saying things like come closer, why are you so far away, hey let's not fight anymore I will listen more and help you more.

    But when he speaks these things I hear it, but I feel nothing. I tell myself to try to be positive that he is trying and he is helping a tiny bit more and showing a tiny bit more interest in me.

    ... But it's almost to little to late and I don't want him to tell me he will try harder, I don't want him to hug and kiss me more. I just want him to be as nice to me as I am to him.

    I just feel that I want to be away from him... I don't want divorce so I just am looking outside of marriage for friendship and positivity because this lack of connection is making me feel quite lonely and isolated.

    When I am at work I am happy, when I am with family I am happy, when I am alone I am happy, when I am with husband I am not happy.

    I don't know what to do.
     
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  2. sreemanavaneeth

    sreemanavaneeth Gold IL'ite

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    Keep your mind calm for sometime. Donot show your feelings. Do your regular work. Your answer should be
    precise like yes or no. Start Meditating. Surely this will help you and will change your spouse also.
    Jai sairam
     
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  3. sonal1611

    sonal1611 Gold IL'ite

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    yes.. Even I will suggest the same..

    Since u r working .. Have ur own set of frnds.. Go for outing .. Enjoy..

    Join some Classes.. Have some hobbies..

    Dont think too much..

    Explore new places..

    Explore New Horizons !!!
     
  4. sonal1611

    sonal1611 Gold IL'ite

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    yes.. Even I will suggest the same..

    Since u r working .. Have ur own set of frnds.. Go for outing .. Enjoy..

    Join some Classes.. Have some hobbies..

    Dont think too much..

    Explore new places..

    Explore New Horizons !!!
     
  5. peet1983

    peet1983 Silver IL'ite

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    Why cant you people go for a trip. Trips are like reinstalling the os on computer.. you will become like new and refresh as before. And in trips, good thing is that, you may not have any options to do or think other than just you two people. Its make so much difference in the relationship. Something which they forgot, or failed to notice will come up again and rejoin the bonds..
    All the best
     
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  6. Penelope

    Penelope Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you ladies for you kind suggestions. I think I will try to stay calm, meditate, try to get together with friends. It's easy to feel a bit of panic that things are not going well and feel on a downward spiral. I don't know how I would feel If things continued to get worse. You all helped me to think of it with hope of a passing phase or a point to grow from.
    Therapy may also be nessesary for us.. We were trying to have a baby, but now I think we should wait, he will be confused by this. No matter what I say he thinks our relationship is fine the way it is.. He says he is happy, but how can he be happy when I am not. I think he is just lying thinking it will make me feel better.
     
  7. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    I think he is not lying he might be saying the truth, from his point of view everything is fine, you have to make a list of things that is bothering you and have a serious discussion with your H, don’t bring up small issues discuss about things that you can not compromise, until you do this the situation is not going to change.
     
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  8. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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  9. lavani

    lavani Finest Post Winner

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    yes , i agree with her. give specifics. this looks like invasion of privacy, but trust me dear. most of the times battle is in the mind. and negative thinking ( i am not saying you are negative ) makes people act negative and then when the response for that action is bad, we just focus on the response rather than the process .

    i also believe, h and w should have common hobbies, it cannot be emotional talk or romance all the time, it becomes very boring. hobbies like anything gardening, yoga ( though it is not hobby ) .
     
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  10. Penelope

    Penelope Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you ladies...

    There are some deeper issues here that I prefer not to get into, but it helps to think about it from a few different angles and try to let go of some of the smaller complaints and try to work on big things first.
     

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