Newly Married - Questions about Intimacy!

Re: First night. HELP!

try xylocaine 2% gel locally, its easily available over the counter

 

Hello everyone,

I have a complex issue in my married life which I could not share with anyone. I hope this is the right forum to seek guidance. We are married for 3 months and recently moved to USA. My DH is very caring and understanding and ours is an arranged marriage. We have started noticing problems in intimacy. We had IC in our first night itself and I felt it was painful. But then in the next five days we had IC almost daily and I started enjoying it. He always involves in minimal foreplay but IC was satisfying me.

During our first night, I found he was fully erect and hard. We did for about one hour and I was also satisfied. But after two months, I see he is not getting properly erected even after undressing me fully. He s half erected and when he puts in, he manages three or four strokes and it becomes smaller and comes out. He tries few times and its not working. This is happening for the past three weeks but this has not happened during the first two months. I am confused that how come this erection factor changed with in a month. Because of this problem, he also feels low and started avoiding IC. I feel guilty because it makes me feel that he is bored of my internal beauty and thats why he is not getting instantaneous erection.I have always had this fantasy of doing oral on my hubby but I am very shy to initiate it. Whenever I try to reach out to his part when I am in mood,he tries to avoid it and he too is not keen to play with mine.

Please help me to overcome this problem.

 

I think after the initial excietment has worn off a bit, now you would need to rekindle the spark. Now is the time both of you need to be patient and rediscover each other, find out what pleases whom and how to excite each other. Please do not be shy and also be vocal about what pleases you. Encourage your DH and although it may take some time, you will soon be out of this phase and in a new and more enjoyable phase. It may also be possible that your DH is facing some issues at work or pressures of marriage responsibilities etc, talk them out. Dont create any pressures. If possible take some break and start again. This is the start of an incredible journey where you should not haste but savour every moment.

 

Thanks Akansha. I will try. Are there any techniques to stimulate erection? This is embarassing for both of us.

 

Hi, this forum is really useful. Thanks for all the ladies who provide great guidance with utmost maturity and knowledge. I am newly married and moved to US. Ours is a love marriage. My husband keeps asking for 69 position right from our first night but I am in denial. I feel its dirty. Is it really healthy to do it? Is it acceptable in our culture that too women doing it on men?

 

If your husband will not try a condom or you are uncomfortable with a condom, you could consider trying a type of spermicide....

 

My aunt gave me that book! It's helped a lot!

 

At this young age, erection problems almost seem to be mostly the result of things in the mind. I don't think it has anything to do with your beauty or attractiveness per se.

Is your husband stressed out about anything in his life - a tough work situation, investment/financial worries, relationship worries etc? The reason I ask is because my husband had the exact same problem. He enters me, he is going back and forth and slowly he goes soft. Couple of times this happened. So, one time, I stopped IC, I told him that night we should just let it go. We were just lying in bed next to each other and I started talking about this.

I found out that he is having a very intractable co-worker at work and hence his mind wanders off to think about that situation during sex. That is what has been making him go soft. Maybe something is bothering him mentally?

Another possible reason is if he is masturbating too frequently that he hasn't built up enough sexual energy to get hard and remain hard within a short span. But at young age, I have heard that men need very little recuperation period to get hard again. So, not sure how applicable this is to your situation, but thought I would mention.

If neither is the situation, then the only solution I have is to get back to basics. What are you doing to stimulate erection. How are you stroking him to hardness? One thing that helped my DH was when I make a circle using my index finger and thumb and very loosely stroke him (as opposed to really gripping him). That is the one that drives him the most hard. Try that and see if that is any help.

Hope I have been helpful. All the best!

Vani

 

Hi Akshayau, I agree with Vani that it is more of a mental game. I suggest you increase foreplay and you experiment till you discover what works and what does not. Every person is different and one needs to work together to achieve true togetherness. Have patience and soon you will get over this tough phase.

 

akshayau, there are many things through which your hubby can be more wild with you. Ask him what he wants and do it the same way then see the changes in his eyes.