Newly Married - Questions about Intimacy!

Re: Pls.help - Very confused about some personal intimacy question

Hi Kavitha,

Your predicament is understandable. Women , do not masturbate , uniformly. With men, there is a saying, "99 % of men masturbate and 1 % lie" . Men, irrespective of whether they are married or not, do masturbate.

But, women , it is different. Most women do not enjoy the process of handling their own sex organs with their own hands . This is the reason, why most women (like you) would have never masturbated even once in their life time. It is not an evidence of any abnormality.

One study says, around 30 % of women, have masturbated at least few times in their lives. That too, these 30 % do not uniformly and frequently masturbate , as men do. Your hubby might not know this information. Hence, he assumes erroneously that like men, women also masturbate uniformly.

That is how women's sexuality is designed by Nature. It is not your fault.

You are absolutely a normal , healthy woman. Don't worry.

 

Re: Pls.help - Very confused about some personal intimacy question

It’s the peak of sexual pleasure for a female. If you want a full definition of this then try searching it in ‘Wikipedia’.

Yes but not all the time when I make love with my husband.

It is true that most females can't get an orgasm with just penetration. Oral is one of way of achieving it but it is not the only way. For most of us, it all boils down to 'Clitoris'. You need this stimulated when making love to get full satisfaction. I don't think the forum rules would allow me to go in detail here so I'll leave you to do more internet research about it if you want.

Even though it is not always possible for a man to bring us to orgasm (even if he does all the right things), I think it is nice if he tries once in a while. I would advice you for the sake of a good marriage not to expect him to satisfy you every time you make love. It can take longer and he might try to avoid the next time when he feels like making love. Try to find a balance that works for both of you.

Yes we do need pleasure but most of us don’t know how to go about it. For most men their sexual knowledge would be from either their friends or watching/reading ****. These sources are not always accurate. Even we females fall prey to lot of misconceptions about sex because of books. I don't know about you but I've read some romance novels (like Mills & Boon) that give us inaccurate information about sex. Like the virgin heroine getting an orgasm during her first intercourse. I think this is a universal problem not just for us Indians. We don't openly discuss sex..I wouldn't be comfortable taking about these exact things I have written here to anyone other than my husband face to face.

Since IG has given you a reply for your 4th question, I've not tried to attempt to answer that. I hope I have been of some help to you.

Regards,
S R

 

Re: Pls.help - Very confused about some personal intimacy question

The above is a perfect understanding, Sally. I appreciate you for it. May other women also try understand the same. Demanding orgasm for a female , from a man, by penetrative sex alone will put enormous performance pressure / performance anxiety on him. He, may try to avoid love making altogether, out of his performance anxiety.

You have rightly said. Even if a man does all the right things, sometimes / often, women do not get orgasm, by vaginal sex alone..........no fault of women......and no fault of men too. You perfectly understood the physiology of one of the most intricate areas of human sexuality, Sally.

Good...!!

 

Re: Pls.help - Very confused about some personal intimacy question

Dear kavitha
Please find the answer given by Dr.Senthil kumar who is a expert sex educator and Post marital counsellor, who is visiting weekly once in Velachery, Chennai

1. What is female orgasm?
Its a unexplainable peek pleasure feels by women while having sex with her partner,

2. Have you experienced this? I'm not even sure why I dont even know much about this. Somehow I was confused only men have orgasm. And frankly, even my husband does not know too much abt this :

not all womens, actually it may vary women to women, but important mater is " male need to take the women to reach orgasm," the man who is lack of knowledge about female orgasm and suffering with ED & PE is very difficult to take his partner to reach orgasm

3. I did some research and I learned that some women cannot experience orgasm via penetration, and only other means (maybe oral etc). But my hubby dismissed that as nonsense, and said what I'm reading is rubbish, and I should stop reading things like this. My hubby is against oral sex on women (he does like it if I do somethings for HIM, but he will not reciprocate and refuses to try those stupid things as per him). If I stop it on him, he is ok, but he'd rather not try anything for me. He is conservative in this though he is foreign educated and quite broad in many other things.

You are absolutely rite, most of the men's r selfish in this mater, especially Indian males who like receive but dont like act,
first try to find your arousal parts and g spot, then ask your partner to stimulate and takes time for fore play on specific parts

So, I'm thoroughly confused abt why he wont help me try for the orgasm???
may be ED & PE is the reason, Please consult a sex educator to get rid of this problem, dont get shy to consult a sex educator, this is very common problem for almost all male n female


4. Question on masturbation - my husband says most women get orgasm only by masturbation.
this is wrong, but true also, even a good stimulation helps to reach orgasm, Penetration gives much pleasure and helps to reach orgasm also

I told him I have never masturbated my entire life, and he says - "You are lying". I am upset by this.
Dont worry " he may think about his ejaculation is like orgasm- means while masturbation male is ejaculating semen, so he may thought the ejaculation is the orgasm, this is not true for female

He says "All people (men and women) have masturbated to orgasm at least few times in life", and he says either I am not normal or I am lying. Is he right?
Absolutely wrong

I dont feel like I wanted to masturbate even as single or married. Are most people (men and women) have done masturbation? Is that the way for women orgasm.
almost all male doing masturbation before and even after marriage, but number of female only aware of masturbation,
No masturbation is not only the way to reach orgasm


this


Sorry if my questions are stupid. I am absolutely confused :
No your questions r not stupid, this indicates lack of awarness in sex and knowledge


And one final question
5. Given I talked to a couple of my close girl friends, and they also were confused - is it that Indian women (and men) dont have much clue about female orgasm or they think it is not needed. Why do women not need pleasure too?
again PE & ED, lack of sexual knowledge for male is the main reason for your final question


Thanks to Dr..Senthil Kumar who is a consulting Homeopath & Psychologist and Certified sex educator, who visits Velachery , Chennai on sundays,

Thank you very much Dr.Senthil kumar to kindly answer this question

Swarna Preeti

 

Newly married and concerns about intimacy

hi all,
I have been very new to this form.I need help from u regarding sex.It has been 10 months since my marriage.During foreplay my husband taps me at the vagina with his fingers and i used to get the orgasm.After getting the orgasm we go for intercourse.I am not at all feeling happy with intercourse.I agree intercouse for my husbands hapiness.I and my husband are not enjoying sex at thae same time.(one after the other).I consulted gynocologist and told her the same.I asked her when to stop the forelay and go for intercourse.She said INTERCOURSE SHOULD BE DONE BEFORE THE CLIMAX.I asked her what is climax.She told meI before i get the white discharge.I can sense the white discharge after it comes.How could we feel before it comes.
My problem may sounds weird but i am not knowing whom to ask.please help me.I am enjoying foreplay not intercourse.

 

Re: problem in making sex

There are no set answers to your questions my friend.
Its just about how each one of us learn it over a period of time and learn to make it better for ourselves and our partner.

You could probably spend less time on foreplay and start early.
Don't have the same notions every time, may be it happened once or thrice, get over with it and start fresh, may be you'll enjoy this time.

Now i would suggest you discuss your concern honestly with your DH, there is no harm and am sure he can help make it better for you. Though seen, read, heard -the act in practicality takes time to be mastered. Its ure gets better with time, so have patience.

Relax and try to enjoy, it'll sure get better.
Good Luck!

 

newly married life

hi friends , i need favour from u people bcoz i m newly married girl . my problem is during intercourse its painful me alot so that moment i will tell my husband plz stop it . next time he will try do i will avoid not to come near with me its painful . wat i have do . any sugggestion without pain or any tips . my husbands very good he understand me alot , but never satisfied him during intercourse . i m fear during intercourse bcoz painful to me . plz help me friends .....

 

hi ranchu , thanks alot dear . helped me alot for tips.............. can we friends . you first person message me back . i will never forget u bye

 

Re: too personal pls help

i think u got all the advices u want
good luck....