Newly Married - Questions about Intimacy!

Gauri03 · Apr 27, 2010

Re: private life problem

I don't know how explicit we are allowed to be on such topics but moderators please edit if required.

Mona111,

Vaginal intercourse is not the only way a woman can climax. In fact, it is rather difficult for a woman to climax by intercourse alone. Female genitalia often need to be stimulated by external means. Unlike men who can get off with little effort, women need the complete package. They need to feel loved, they need to trust their partner, love or at least like him and be comfortable with the act. You need to talk to your husband about this issue.

Don't send him to the doctor unless he has fertility issues. His size is determined by genetics and there is nothing a doctor can do about it. In fact please don't mention size to him ever! That is one thing that can totally destroy a man's ego. You said he asks you after the act how it was for you. That is a good sign. He cares about how you felt. A lot of men just roll over and go to sleep. At least your hubby is not in that category. On a good day ask him how he feels when he climaxes and tell him how you would like to feel that too. Don't blame him for your dissatisfaction. Be gentle but explicit. Tell him what you want and then ask him if he would be willing to try external stimulation.

You can find a lot of information online which I am not sure I can share here. Here is a link that might help you. Once you have talked with your husband, show him that link. Wikipedia also has some informative articles on this subject.

There is learning curve to sexual gratification and it is most enjoyable when a couple learns together. This is one case where 'practice makes perfect' is absolutely true!

Vidya21 · Apr 27, 2010

Re: private life problem

An alternative is to "help" yourself out first, it will help you know your body better and know how it responds to different stimuli. Once you know what gets you "there", you could lead your DH to those same moves. Be assertive about your needs, there is nothing wrong with that.

Although these issues could be tough to talk about to your spouse, if he is sensitive to your needs (it seems like he is because he asks you how it was for you) he will be more than happy to really know what makes you tick. You know best how to put it across to him, but don't cheat yourself and your spouse out of some wonderful times together by not saying anything or just passively accepting it as is.

Getting yourself to climax is as much your "responsibility" as his. :thumbsup

cutekid · Apr 27, 2010

Re: private life problem

I have read that 70% of women get orgasm only on clitoral stimulation.You can ask him to try that.

Malavika81 · Apr 27, 2010

Re: private life problem

Oh ok. This is where it finally ended up. I saw this thread a few days ago while I was logging out and thought I'd respond later and before I know it had vanished. Now I know where it went. I thought it got deleted.

And mstrue, Mona did post this in relationship forums in 'Me & My spouse' secton but I am guessing the moderating despots of that world probably went 'Oh Lord, I don't want this here' and arbitrarily moved it here. I am still trying to understand the rationale behind this thread in 'Fertility & Trying to Conceive' as the OP neither cited fertility problems nor is trying to conceive a baby.

Mona, coming to your issue from what I can surmise with the very little detail you have provided so far, you are not getting enough clitoral stimulation which is why you are unable to orgasm. If you provide some details of your foreplay routine, I can tell better where your problem lies.

A woman cannot get an orgasm from vaginal stimulation in most cases (about 80%) and very few % of women can actually get an orgasm purely from vaginal stimulation during sex. So the problem mostly does not lie with your husband's endowment (or lack thereof) but with your foreplay routine and clitoral stimulation. We unlike men, need a lot of work to attain an orgasm and everything centres around how much clitoral stimulation you are getting in most cases. Even if you are able to attain vaginal orgasms (which I put less chances based on the odds), they are not as intense as clitoral orgasms.

Here is what I suggest you do. Talk to your husband about your foreplay routine and make him do enough work so you are stimulated enough and then let him go about his business. Make him pleasure you orally to the point you are excited enough to have an orgasm and then let him penetrate you. You can also try buying toys(vibrators) which can greatly enhance your experience and get clitoral stimulation and help you attain an orgasm better. And as for positions, the best known ones where you can still stimulate yourself while being penetrated are a)you on top facing backwards(basically you ride him from top facing away from him) OR b)the rear entry (aka doggy style) plus those two are best known positions for stimulating your G spot.

Going to a doctor or a psychologist is not going to help your husband's size go bigger and besides, size matters only to a minor extent. What he does to stimulate your clitoris orally or otherwise and your foreplay techniques matter a LOT in you attaining an orgasm. And like someone mentioned, do not bring up his size as that is a complete no no and men have 99.9% of their ego riding there LOL Just like a woman does not want to be told about her weight, bringing up male size can spell disaster. Do not even try bringing that up or hinting that. Doctors cannot enhance the size and in your case, the problem mostly does not lie with the equipment but rather the methodology.

There are tonnes of material on sex and women orgasms in form of books and web material and you can google for them and find out what is it that is missing from your sex routine and how you can make it better. You've given very little information on the sex and foreplay routine so I tried my best to guess where your problems potentially might lie and gave my suggestions.

P.S: This does need to move back to Relationship section and maybe that section needs a new sub section called 'Sexual intimacy and related issues'. This issue has no relevance to Fertility or Trying to conceive.

Mona111 · Apr 28, 2010

Re: private life problem

Gauri, Vidhya and Malavika: Thank you very much for the new ideas and support. I do now have more idea as I read the link from Gauri which was very informative, even if it was for men. Malavika, you are so knowledgeable about how woman's body works - wow. I will try things you all have suggested but it will take some time. I want to share what happened with you all but am too shy. Also, what I was hoping also from this forum was to discuss it with someone like myself who went through similar experience and how they overcame it (you all seems to be lucky in that department)

cutekid · Apr 28, 2010

Re: private life problem

Mona,
Dont you know that you cannot furnish your personal details in public forum.Why are you inviting trouble?Do you want everyone to send email to you and talk to you about your private life in email?

cutekid · Apr 28, 2010

Re: private life problem

Also if by chance you are trying to fool us by taking a female name & want to have chat about such topic in private,please do not think the ladies here are fools.

Malavika81 · Apr 28, 2010

Re: private life problem

Hmm...you got me all wondering now, cutekid. I wonder why she'd post her contact info when it is against the rules to do so.

Mona, whatever you want to discuss can be posted here. We are adults here and there is no reason to be shy as none of us can see you or know who you are. Anonymity is your best ally.

ruchi2000khare · Apr 28, 2010

Re: private life problem

hi,
its nothing shamed of some girls do have small breast.so what.but still if you are not staisfied then try other positions.search on google & surely it will will help you.there are more then 50 ways try something new.may it help you.

GiJoe · Apr 28, 2010

Re: private life problem

He has a problem with basics so start with a book Sex Bible, get it and read it together you can get most of the basics then you can work on the advanced stuff later.