Newly Married - Questions about Intimacy!

Re: Starting Trouble

hi poornima,
how long has it been for ur marraige??? actually dont hv this fear that u will be turned down. its a mutual relation right. its a bonding. its shud come within. actually y shud only men shower their love on us by taking 1st initiatives y cant v do that. theres no such thing such SHYNESS between husband and wife. if we feel tht they shud love us, hug us, pamper us dont u think they must be feeling the same. love doesnt exsist in two different forms within a man and woman....its only love. the feelings are same both ways. havent u heard ACTION SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. it does make a difference in a relationship when wifes also take some initiatives when wifes show their love thru physical activities. not necessary it shud be intercourse. it cud be some foreplay. some romantic talks. may just listening to soft romantic music while just keeping ur head on his shoulders. see sometimes doing only this will make him more happy, being loved by the person u love is the best feeling for any human being.

 

Re: Starting Trouble

@asuitablegirl

yeah you put it rite "Good Girl"....like i sometimes think if we initiate the men mite think as to be cheap....something like that.....

@zeenat

we have been married for 5 years....i always kinda of pamper him,tease him,play with him,do all non sense things but somehow when it comes to bed part iam very skeptical......

 

Re: Starting Trouble

Poornima,
At the beginning I was sooo shy! I didn't know what to do and how to do... But my husband made me understand that there is nothing wrong with it... Your husband, as per your words, also encourages you to do so, so don't feel like you will be cheap as you start first... he's not "men" he's your husband, and as Zeenat said: it's a bonding.
Can I suggest? I started to do so at the beginning... just before sleep, when lights are off, just give him a small hug and put your head in his shoulder.. try to talk about something special for you both... with the lights off it's easier to start...

Areena

 

Re: Starting Trouble

poornima,
between husband and wife where does the word "cheap" come. do u feel "cheap" when he initiates. no na. then. if u feel ur DH might feel like that then its either u dont know him well or u r not confident abt urself that ur actions will not make him feel that. men always want a equaly compatable wife. if they r passionate, they want their wife also to be. they will never tell this out. coz they love u. u have to find out urself. u know sometimes husband may also get a wrong message that may be he is not much appealing to his wife and thats y its only when he initiates there a response otherwise there is no response. he might also get those unwanted fears that what if i dont initiate, she will never come to me, she will never ask herself. dont let thses thoughts flow in ur hubby's mind. just try once making urself some attempt, see the diiference in him. he will suddenly be on top of the world. you will become his love GODESS. believe me it does make a difference he will get more self confidence in himself. and seeing him u will also get a postive achivement feeling.

 

Re: Starting Trouble

hi poornima
i can totally identify with your problem and i also agree with what others have to say.:iagree
i have been married since the past 6 yrs and it is now that i have started initiating ,since he has stopped initiating.Witsend
i also never used to intiate fearing he might reject me or he might think that i am cheap.bcoz of this we used to go without intimacy for as long as 2 months and so.
:ideaso i decided that i have to do something or else my sex life goes for a toss. so i spoke in length about this to my husband and he said that he would be more than happy if i initiated sometimes and now the situation is such that ,i only initiate nowadays.Big Laugh
so the bottom line is between a husband and wife there should be no competition regarding this.give yourself a chance and just see the difference.yes:

 

Re: Starting Trouble

Poornima,

Important thing to remember is, this "cheap" worry is all in our head! Our husbands are not thinking we are cheap. It's sort of like when we try on an outfit and we think we look fat, but our hubby's are like "that looks great!" What we perceive may not always be the reality!

Zeenat has said something very true. If you need help coming up with ideas for "passion", ask your dh what he likes during intercourse. I know this might be a very hard thing for you to ask (it was for me too), but once you find out, you can start making intimacy more passionate. Believe me, you will be surprised! I thought during intimacy both partners just say sweet things and wife goes along with whatever. Imagine my shock when dh asked me to say "XYt%34#nf " type talk. At first I had no clue what to say, but eventually I realized, STOP THINKING SO HARD and just speak what comes to mind. Poornima, nobody is asking you to be anything but yourself, just a differnet aspect of yourself. Each of us can step out of our comfort zone, and it doesn't change who we are as a person. Just because I say XYZ in bed doesn't make me cheap!

There is this saying in a popular rap song, "men want a lady on the street and a freak in the bed." Ok, we might not be able to reach "freak" status but at least we can try to be little different than we are day to day, right? :thumbsup

 

hi ladies,
I also had the same problems when I was newly married. Actually we are not given any kind of education on sex. Dont have fear that you will not be able to satisfy your husband. This will not allow you to enjoy the act. Once you relax you will be able to satisfy him more.
It is also essential that you either browse authentic material or get a counselling from a doc regd this.
Some links for your ref:
Female Reproductive System

sexual intercourse -- Britannica Online Encyclopedia

Why Is Sexual Intercourse Painful? Pain and Discomfort During Sex

These are just for your ref... If you feel pain even after a month or so better consult a doc. all the best.
Take care and enjoy married life.

 

Re: Trying to conceive

Hi Sivagami,

It is quite natural to feel pain initially... You can apply lubricants to reduce pain. Having sex frequently will also help.

Lubricants can harm sperm, so I wouldn't advice using it during your fertile period (the few days leading up to ovulation and a day or two after that). I have read about a product called PreSeed which is a sperm friendly lubricant. You can try that during your fertile period. Several women claim to have got pregnant using PreSeed.

Congrats on the marriage and all the best for the baby!

Cheers,
Gayathri.

 

Hi All,

I would suggest "The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love is a self help book written by Tim and Beverly LaHaye." (more details reg the book can be found The Act of Marriage - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) as a guide for the newly weds. May be we should gift it as a wedding gift to our friends.

Its a good book by two christian (husband and wife and I guess they are doctors) authors from the basics to the all questions we might have. I think you can get it all the over the world. A must read for married couples or about to be married I would say.

Answer to all the questions in this thread can be found there.

Regards,
Ajitha

 

hai friends
i am trying to conceive for past 2 and half years i have pcos i also started my treatment for that from this month i just have few doubts
After our Intercourse i can see the semen outside my vaginal area always i have a doubt whether the semen is getting in to my tube or not ,do i have to clean or wash after that or leave it.
do i have to keep any pillow to make the semen to get in or is it ok if i lay down flat
pls help me