Newly married and very confused.pls help

godwithme · Apr 19, 2013

Hello everyone...I got married couple months back. It's an arranged marriage. The guys family approached us and they all liked our family and engagement happened. I did talk to the guy for a week before saying okay. We talked over phone. He seemed to be very much interested in me and said that's his family will be his first priority after marriage and appeared to be a very good guy. Problem started when after engagement he said that his family was trying to get him married to his cousin and since that gal was in love with somebody marriage got stopped before a month. I first felt bad and then started accepting thinking that this is normal these days. After that he said he used to talk to her daily and chat with her via webcam etc. he also said he wanted to be very open an that's why he told me tht. He is otherwise nice to me. He always talk to me takes care of me very much and will be doing whatever I ask for . He often tells me I am his first priority . When I was checking his laptop before engagement I saw a chat history with his friends wife and asked him what that is . That gal calls him as anna. He showed me the messages and it was like h r u Anna anni is beautiful something like that. But there seems to be additional chat before this and that is not viewable in fb. I doubt of he has deleted that and am not sure. Marriage happened with his confusion. Whenever I open this matter he promises saying nothing is there he cries he tells me I am his only priority and he liked me so
Much and that why married me . But I have this doubt often . He even asked his friend casually and asked him to send the chat from her systems and it did not have anything. But this is in top of my mind for long time and am not able to live happily. He is otherwise very good . We both r working he helps me with cooking washing. He prepares juice for me daily pack my lunch will give me pleasant surprise ... Will touch my forehead to make me sleep and does everything beyond my expectation... But this chat thing is in the top of mind and I keep on questioning him an he explains me saying that there is nothing. He tries o best to prove tht there is nothing wrong. Pls help me . Am I over confused. We fight almost everyday on this ..I expect him to be angry. But he won't talk anything and still cook food for me and takes care o me. Am confused. Pls let me know if this confusion is unnecessary

Visasri · Apr 19, 2013

Why do you want to spoil your happy married life because of this? Does he even chat with her now? if no, then it must have been friendship. Sometimes, me need emotional support of a woman, a friend, sister, mom or wife. He would have even got suggestions from her to stop thinking about the cousin marriage etc. So, do not worry. Here many of us long to get the attention of DH and you are blessed. As your user ID says god is with you, as he had given you such a husband, Now enjoy the newly wedded life

JeyaEdison · Apr 19, 2013

Sometimes mind works overtime. Take it easy, forget about it. Since he does a lot of nice things for you, trust him this time. Maybe its just your mind. For now ignore the chat, and enjoy this newly wed blissful life. You'll have plenty of time to fight about later on, just enjoy the time with him, with a clean heart, without any doubts.

FB meassages, we do delete few of them right, not to hide anything, just to clean our inbox.
She calls him anna, thats proof enough I guess. Start clean, from this moment, otherwise, this might lead to some unwanted misery.

Decentguy · Apr 19, 2013

OP

I think you are thinking too much. What has happened, just leave it and move on. Why are you spoiling your present and future by thinking about the past.?

In the worst case scenario - say he had affair or whatever or he lied. Does that matter now? Hasn't he put that in his past? If he is still in touch or if there is anything "more than friends" then I would be worried, but if not then I would move on....

beingloved · Apr 19, 2013

Hey..

Why are you hellbent on spoiling your otherwise perfect married life??? As per the post, your doubts are utterly baseless.

Its just a fb chat.. forget about it. If you want to have a good married life, start trusting your partner first..!!

mimi77 · Apr 19, 2013

Yes you are overconfused unnecessarily.......You are married to him now and should love him more instead of being suspicious for no reason.........You are checking his FB account........If he can give you his password this itself proves that he is innocent.........And Im pretty sure he has no interest in this lady he is chatting with....He loves you and that is why he does his work, like packing up ur lunch etc selflessly........He is definitely a good human being.....Dont spoil ur marriage.........People who are suspected by their spouse live a very miserable life.......It is wrong to suspect ur spouse without any concrete reason.........Be happy

EatPrayLove · Apr 19, 2013

Girl, Wake up!! your confusion is baseless... You have such a dear husband who does everything for you in spite of you picking pointless fights with him! Trust and respect is important for any relationship and this marriage of yours isn't going to last very long if you continue to fight with him like this.. there seem to be nothing else that points to your confusion.. you have even read the conversation his friend sent you (IMO, you must never have asked her for a copy, just think of what she could be thinking about your relationship! you have given away the trust (or mistrust rather) you have in your husband to a third person, and that's a No-NO).. I don't know what else you need for you to believe him..

Life is short and newly married honeymoon period is precious.. You are spoiling it for yourself and making life hell for your husband as well..

Like I said, WAKE UP!!!

Endlesshope · Apr 20, 2013

The chat says "Anna" and not "sweetie pie "/"darling" so what exactly is your worry . :bonk

Nessie · Apr 20, 2013

Don't spoil your life by doubting him over things that happened in the past. If you continue suspecting one day he might think, anyway she doesn't believe me then why not do what she thinks I am doing.

HasiniS · Apr 20, 2013

"Pls let me know if this confusion is unnecessary"

Do you have any doubt if this confusion is unnecessary ???
I just wish your husband has lil more patience until you realize what you have been doing to your otherwise happy married life !!