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Newly married....6 months back...needs some advise...Thanks

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Nami2010, Mar 10, 2010.

  1. goodfreind

    goodfreind Senior IL'ite

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    I agree with aditiyas

    I think you should read Quran and that makes your MIls happy
    Any anyway your kids should be in muslim only
     
  2. Nami2010

    Nami2010 New IL'ite

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    Can you please tell me what made you come to this conclusion?? I am open to hear anything.





    Also please tell me the reason for this, if you may.
     
  3. Nithya001

    Nithya001 Bronze IL'ite

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    And, why do you think her kids will grow up making fun of their mother's religion?
    How the kids should be raised is up to the parents, a never ending trouble begins once IL's start interfering in how the babies should be raised.

    Nami, take it easy, your husband sounds a reasonable person. Unless he is fanatically religious, I don't think you will have trouble in your married life due to religion.
    Just remember, never say anything negative about your hubby's religion to him or anyone. Respect his way of life and you will get the same. And yes teach your kids to have respect for all religion. Good luck.
     
  4. Nami2010

    Nami2010 New IL'ite

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    Nithya, he is not fanatically religious. Neither am I.
    We both have an understanding that we will have 2 kids and naming them from each religion. We talked over this even before marriage.
     
  5. goodfreind

    goodfreind Senior IL'ite

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    You have snwer for you. So if one kid is one relegion name he should know about his religion for his future unless he marry like you guys

    And if you does give imporatnce reading quran /some activities your MIl will like you

    Just some ideas which help you and family make happy
     
  6. Nami2010

    Nami2010 New IL'ite

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    Goodfriend, I don't get you. Please explain.
    I mean even I don't know all about Hinduism neither he know about Islam all.
    So, we will tell kids what we know. We both are not too much into religion.
    He hardly ever goes to mosque here. I go to temple only on Diwali to see the lighting mainly and play firecrackers. And he accompanies me to the temple.
    Please explain your concern here. I am hearing you.
     
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2010
  7. goodfreind

    goodfreind Senior IL'ite

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    Nami,

    I think you have read my freind story at beginning.HE has 2 baby girl both are in muslim names still her mam never go to mosque/practice in muslim

    But for their kids, future study /marraige if one is in muslim he should know about muslim culture .not needed right now.. but bright future he may need if you looking aliance from muslim right?

    If he/she is not love marrige like you, if child is mulsim . and looking girl from muslim they may expect some bacis in muslmims right.

    And all old Mils expect their surrounding give good respect.
    So if you need your MIls support/together am trying to learn something
    If you needed only

    Or else just kids grow as it is and can look at the stage they comes

    if you find some online chat forum let m eknow where give ans right away

    Am just giving based on what seen 4 to 5 familie slike this
    Let me know any doubt
     
  8. cutesmile09

    cutesmile09 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Nami,

    Mine is a love marriage arranged by both of our parents,we both come from different backgrounds(interms of traditions&language) though from same caste&religion,there is lot of cultural difference between me&DH,in 5yrs of our total courtship we never faced any problems till today(touchwood ) but yes: i will adjust alot when it comes to my inlaws&their extended family,so pls be prepared for that...Have Patience dear..everything will be fine..
     
  9. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi nami
    I would like to suggest one thing, please plan to settle down in US till you and your dh retire and kids grow up and get married. Religion, customs, rituals play a huge part in Indian households, here in US, its an option thats all.

    Dont worry everything will be fine. Reading quran or gita, naming kids and raising them in islam etc only really applies when u are in India. here u dont have to show community certificate or religion anywhere. Just name ur kids neutrally and raise them neutrally. I personally think god is a supreme power and we just have to believe in that power so that our life has an anchor. I am a hindu but i dont even light a lamp or go to temple. I celebrate all festivals with potlucks and thats all.
     
  10. 12adityas

    12adityas Bronze IL'ite

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    I dont agree with Goodfriend's advice. Don't do 'religious' things just because they please your MIL. Do you want to retain your self-identity as a hindu in the future or are you ok with losing it & accepting Islam? If you are ok with converting to Islam, then take goodfriend's advice, otherwise discard it. Just clarifying since she/he wrote that he agrees with me.

    -Now I don't want to light a fire between your husband and you, but since you asked, I am writing this follow up. Three things made me come to this conclusion -

    1. His parents are Othrodox. The reason they dont like you is because their son married a kafir, i.e. an infidel (i.e. non-muslim). They hate the fact that their grandchildren might grow up in un-islamic ways!

    2. Men change over the course of their life, just as women do. However, in a typical marriage, men become more opinionated and decided over time and women become more easy-going and accepting of husband's ideas over time. I was the easy going liberal, sort of 'rang de basanti' type in my early & mid-twenties, but since the past few years I've grown to be a practicing hindu. Due to the way their religion is perceived today, Islamic men have a constant call-to-arms in todays world, whether they are in US, or in London or in India. It is only a matter of time before he picks up an interest in Islam, begins to practice it & demands you to convert to his religion. By that time, like the love-lorn Kajol of Indian cinema, you would be so deep into your relationship with him, that you would yield to his demands without any resistance.

    3. Your in-laws dont like you, and you have the desire to be liked by them. So tomorrow they would want you to take up Islam, and you will oblige to fulfill your marital desires.

    Koran & Hadiths explain that it is the solemn duty of a believer to either convert a non-believer or Kill them. Koran also demands subservience from women. If you dont know these, tomorrow when you convert over to his religion, he can pretty easily strip your freedom and make you do as he pleases in the name of his religion. Obviously, it is to his benefit if you don't read Koran now.
     

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