New Year Resolutions, Talks, Trees And Runs!

As I sit at the table for dinner around Christmas time with some colleagues and respective spouses, I strive hard to be heard. I fail again and again and decide to give up on adding anything to the ongoing conversation. I know I am screaming, at least I feel that way in my head but apparently I am not! Talking of screaming, after our first snow I take my dog for a walk. As I get closer home I see my neighbor's daughter walk down the road with her pup. I now know that my pup will go crazy and will want to dash. So I feel I should warn the kid and ask her to wait for me to get into my garage. I scream out "K, wait!" What happens instead of stopping, the girl dashes in further with a wave and a happy stride. By now, I have realized that she has not heard me - talk about shouting! So I pull my dog up on to my grass and wait for them to pass and then the unbelievable happens! Yes, my pup a 70 pounder decides to drag me down the hill with him to say hello to his friend and I land on my behind stopping only once I reach the road. Both my pup and I are shaken. I told you that what I think of screaming/shouting seems to be barely audible to others. Going back to the dinner I was at, I turn to my colleague and say "J, I think I should get into your drama class so that I can learn to scream". He motions me to get up and go with him. Once we are a little away from the table, he gives me a tight hug and whispers, "You don't need my drama class. Don't ever change. When you speak, you make such an impact that it is not even funny! Let them all vie with one another for attention". Needless to say I was all teary eyed and with relief. Thinking about J, the fall though was quite bad did bring a smile on my face and now I have a strategy. I have learnt to walk my pup in the opposite direction of my potential fall. I can now do that with a smile as well!

Holiday times are always fun. I do start mine with resolutions. Like every year my resolution this year is not to pay fines to the library. Yes you heard me right, I did say "like every year". I have not been successful so far. I am tired of the excuses I make for myself - Oh I am just giving to the library, it is okay. Oh the library is so out of my way, it is okay if I return tomorrow not realizing that tomorrow might be 10 days and 5$ later! But I have learnt my lesson. I have realized that if I keep a small balance of fine on my account (about 20 cents), I seem not to accumulate more fines. Don't know what happens, I end up renewing or returning on time. If you are wondering, I am doing okay so far. Wait! We are only looking at the past couple of weeks. We have 50 more weeks to go. I bet ya, I will be back next year moaning about my fines. Don't hesitate to remind me of my strategy and ask if it didn't work! Talking of resolutions, a friend of mine has made a resolution that she will not buy a single piece of jewelry of clothing this year and if she does, she will make it a point to donate two from her wardrobe! Another friend wants to vegetarian this year while still another wants getting stricter with her kids. It is a relief to know that everyone is working on something!

A friend of mine had given me a pretty tea box for the New years with a "I would rather have this tea with you, than bake cookies alone for you. So call me when you want to spend time with me". I take her words literally and as we sit sipping our tea, with New year's resolutions behind us, the talk automatically turns to life, purpose of it and how she is not achieving her goals, etc. My eyes grow only wider. I for one have always felt what's wrong in just being. Recently I had an aunt advise me that I should learn to be like a tree, to dig deep, spread my roots and stay firm. The best advice I have ever received I must say. While I listen to my friend, I am reminded of this tree. I look at my friend and say "You know, why can't you be like a tree. Firmly rooted yet reaching out to the heavens, offering the world the shade, the fruit, the flower, the home for birds while changing with seasons and be just content in all your glory!" Perhaps this is the reason, I also like Vrikshasana, perhaps this the reason I felt such warmth under a tree I walked past just this morning. You know me, trees talk to me! Perhaps that is why my aunts advise seems so good to me. But my friend looks at me as if I am cuckoo and I am reminded of another quote related to trees "If you don't like where you are, move. You are not a tree". I don't tell her this. My intention is to help her and not make her feel more agitated. Perhaps it is not the right time for her, yet! It does take all kinds to make up this world right and all of us at some level are only seeking happiness.

But I cannot take my friend and thoughts about her out of my mind. As I begin my first long run in a long long time, I think of running far only to get back to where I started. No wonder I run with no goal, absolutely! Anyways, I am only glad I told her no matter where you go, eventually you have to turn inwards trying not to elaborate seeing the puzzled look on her face. Remembering that she spoke of God, asking Him to show her way, I begin humming my favorite song (ironically the song from the movie Sirivenneala when translated describing Shiva says "He is the first beggar, what can I ask him" - aadi bikshuvu vaadinedi koredi; boodidicchedi vaadinedi adigedi) in my head and this time I know for a fact I am doing the singing in my head for my kids have assured me enough number of times that it is a no no, a definite no no for me to open my mouth to sing. Perhaps talking has become that too. I talk in my head assuming that the whole world can hear me. When I sing in my head, there is that smile which tells the world that there is something nice going on. But then, there are those falls that remind me that when I talk I better do it loud and not in my head!

 

Thank you ladies @Rihana and @jskls for your responses.