Hi OP, I think our ideas of “adjusting, tolerant” are relative. I am 48 years old myself and wear tshirt and shorts at home so not sure what is there to be all upset about. And if someone is coming for a vacation and god forbid sleeps till 10-11 am what is the big deal? Jet lag can play havoc and again this is their vacation- let them be. It will make them feel more at home if one does not sweat all this small stuff. If someone is not picking up theirs plates just mention it to them once that “hey, can everyone put their plates in the sink? It will be easier and faster for the cleanup”. Now if they still don’t do it then yeah I would talk to my son and tell him he needs to step up and move the dishes. About the woman who prepares lunch boxes for her son and DIL and dinner for when they come in the night, is she doing it of her own free will and does she like doing it or does she resent it? If she doesn’t like doing it then she should ask her son to get a maid. But honestly if she is a housewife and all her kids are grown up and she’s only around my age then she would want something to occupy herself with. Preparing dinner for 4 people should not take more than 1-2 hrs. Unless she has a health issue. Or if she is overwhelmed with all the work she can ask her husband for help? Where is the FIL in all this? If the kids are working and coming back late at night then don’t expect them to pitch in to cook dinner every night. And no it’s not about treating the house like a hotel - it’s about work life being what it is in India. People come back late because of long commute and barely have time to rest. It might be better if the MIL and FIL focused on having a good family dinner when son and DIL get home with good conversation and finding out how everyone’s day went. That would end everyone day on a good note and make it more of a happy home. Most important is how is the interaction between everyone. If it is loving and respectful then that’s all that matters, doesn’t it.