1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

New drama of MIL saying things to parents fir not calling SIL's ILs!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by silvertulip, Aug 8, 2012.

  1. silvertulip

    silvertulip Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,124
    Likes Received:
    2,031
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear ladies,

    My nagging MIL created a new scene today! I think she has gone crazy as she is always uttering nonsense every time. 2 days back she was nagging me with things like u take leave when ur parents come (they came 1-2 times a year and that also decided in advance and just for 2-3 days), when u have to go to ur relatives place (I go once in 2-3 months to my relatives in the city), but for going with me(MIL) u never have leaves. (she is always there and I have to go with her every weekend somewhere or other or be with her 24*7 then why I should take leaves for every now and then visit to ILs extended family - I took off when needed and told by my ILs otherwise)

    Today she created a scene for the reason that my parents didn't call my SIL's family (my BIL or his father) asking abt SIL's MIL as she was ill and hospitalized. She was admitted in hospital last month and she is recovering now. That time SIL's ILs were busy with hospital and relatives around and later they went out of station after she was discharged. My parents used to ask abt her (SIL's MIL) from me, my DH or my MIL. My FIL came over one weekend, met them and went off. MIL shouted on him for not calling to SIL's ILs (FIL was busy with work so didn't call).

    Today when I was back from office she started like "did ur parents asked X abt his mom?" I said "they didn't get a chance as X was before busy and then not here." I mentioned tht MIL had asked me to make my dad talk to my BIL's dad when I meet him but it didn't happen as I couldn't meet him. Then she was like ur SIL was here, they could have spoken to her, u should have done that. If you marry ur daughter it doesn't mean u forget everything after that. It doesn't mean that you come when you feel like when u r free (my parents are working so they came over weekend 2 months back taking leave as they didn't see me for past 6 months and MIL was not around when they came) and when some urgent situation is there then they dont come, just bcoz u stay far is no excuse. I felt angry but didn't reply, just ignored.

    Later I asked her when should I make my BIL talk to my parents. She replied why talk now, his mom is fine now. What's the point of calling now by ur parents. See it, u never take responsibility! Again I ignored her nonsense words.

    I was in the kitchen that time when she delivered this lecture of responsibility of girl's parents. I was chopping tomatoes and MIL was frying onion on gas stove. I finished chopping the tomatoes and when to washroom to freshen up as I was back from work and went to kitchen straight. She was talking on phone and she had not told me that she had kept burner on high flame, so onion turned black. I was still changing in washroom and she started shouting outside that why didn't I tell her that I was going to change and why I didn't see the flame. I said I didn't know u had put it on high flame as u didn't tell me and u were seeing it so I came to change. She was like still u should have told me that u r going to take time in washroom If i say something to u, u think so much, u take tension and don't see anything else, u r always lost in ur own thoughts (I felt like saying I just want to ignore the nonsense u talk so I don't listen).

    I kept quiet and ignored her talk by rubbing face wash in my hand.This made her frustrated and she started, what u think u r, u think as if ur some IAS office, if u become one day, how will u behave! You show so much attitude and pride for what, you are nothing! Your parents got such a good guy and family that's why you don't value it. If you had to find one then u would have realized it! (ours is a love marriage)

    She further went on my interaction with my parents and DH saying I must be complaining to them, I make calls to my parents when I am all alone (she talks to my mom most of the times when I call my mom, so complete nonsense), I fight with my DH, say things abt MIL to him, create conflicts by uttering nonsense to my DH (which she does) and that I have made his life hell as he is always tired and stressed (when she does the crap talk) and that I talk in bad way with my DH as she has seen how casually I used to talk to him b4 marriage (again nonsense as I know how I talk to my DH whether before marriage or now) and other nonsense like I am not afraid if u say this to ur parents and all. You must be talking nonsense to them abt me and they will think bad abt me but I am not afraid as what I say is right but u never learn, never accept us and is just concerned abt you own family! (coz I talk to my parents twice a day). All this while I kept cleaning the house so she felt very frustrated as I wanted her to get the idea that I wont stand b4 her and listen to her cheap ideas and thoughts!

    My MIL has ideas that there should be a way to talk to my SIL's ILs (they think they are smartest ppl and have tons of attitude and my MIL herself doesn't prefer to talk much but talks coz of my SIL). My parents are pretty simple and they don't know all that show off and suger-coating in talks which my MIL does with her DD's ILs. And I hardly met my BIL and his dad that time and occasion was not appropriate that I could have made my parents talk to them (they haven't met after my marriage and never spoke otherwise on phone also and the way my MIL gives instructions and guidelines to us for talking to my SIL's ILs, my parents feel uncomfy talking to my BIL (and why should they call him when my BIL never made any call to them asking for their well being?). My SIL and BIL never initiated a call with my parents when my mom had a fracture or asked abt her.

    Just bcoz my parents couldn't call my SIL's ILs to ask abt her MIL's well being due to circumstances, my MIL created this drama when my DH was not around and said so much crap. I am so bugged with her right now, I don't know how to talk to my DH coz I wanna tell him that one more word of nonsense from my MIL will force me tell her to stay in her limits!! :rant:rant

    What should I do? I am feeling I am being too patient with my MIL and I am reaching my saturation point! :bonk
     
    Loading...

  2. poojachinoy

    poojachinoy Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    431
    Likes Received:
    717
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    first Chillout!

    i guess its high time you need to do something about this.. though you handled it pretty good,as your DH was not around...so if you would have back answered her or anything then she would have created a big fuss with all the rona dhona and emotional blackmail which would have led you to say her sorry for her actually being at fault and loss of your self respect...so great handling :thumbsup

    BUT,now when husband comes back calmly narrate everything and ask him what he can do about it...if he is willing to sort things out then well and good....if not,then no probs,from next time just let him know that you will be standing up for yourself and please do that..becaus this is not just passive aggression but outright abuse/harassment your MIL is doing...

    next time if husband is not willing to tame her,then in a calm, polite yet firm way put your thoghts across...and yes have a stern face and let your point come across to her..after this you will see she will never dare to meddle in your issues without thinking twice...

    about your parents not giving a call...thats all BS...its not your parents responsibility or buisness to cater to SIL's needs...just calm down now and pat yourself on the back that you did a good job of handling her minus husbands prescence...

    BUT,now its time to have a good long discussion with husband and time to stand up for yourself..
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. beanstalk

    beanstalk Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    566
    Likes Received:
    879
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    WTF???? How do your parents get pulled into all this mess.
    You parents married you into this relationship. They are expected to maintain or at-least try to to keep good relations with you and your in-laws. How and where are they obliged to keep relations with your in-laws' in-laws. Such poor thinking. You on the other hand should be the one maintaining relationship with your Sil's in-laws since now you are essentially part of your husband's family and she is like your sister in that family.

    You need to start answering smartly about these mini-taunts that you hear 24/7. Give back to her in a nice way. You already did for burning onions. She needs to understand that you are in noway bound to hear her nonsense.

    This happened in my family where somebody from my in-laws expected my parents to call on occasion to them. I was terribly upset. Why are there these ridiculous expectations from my parents. Its my duty to call(even if it exists) and noway my parents. You know what, these expectations would only come from me and my parents because they would try to appease them and not my Co-Sis who is a different nationality and they know it would never happen. Also my BIL and Co-sis never entertain these stupid requests. On that occasion, I was very upset and cried as well. Then I went to my husband and very sternly told him about the stupid expectations and that they will not be met. My in-laws who brought it up, I was very rude(no straight answers and obvious hint that I am upset at what they said) replying to them and they got a hint. My Grand-Mil who has been commenting about this to everybody, I did not call her since then. I also told my mom what was said and that there is no need to call them. She still called them to appease them saying she is old and its okay if it makes her happy. I have decided next time over I would not even tell my mom about these stupid call issues.

    BTW, I consider my in-laws at fault here. If others make stupid demands from my family, they should curb it at their level, then trying to be nice and get it to me. Otherwise, I will curb those demands when they get to me and it would obviously spoil our relationship.
     
    2 people like this.
  4. arch1209

    arch1209 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,942
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Silver Tulip

    I have said this before but listening about your Mil makes me mad:rant. It seems to me that all day long she just sits and thinks about different things that she can find fault with.

    I want to applaud you for dealing with so much patience with this highly annoying person. I really wish that you could tape this and make your husband hear how badly your Mil treats you. But I have a feeling that she is deliberately trying to push your buttons. It seems to me like nothing you do is going to be good enough for her, she just needs some or the other reason to find fault.
    As angry as you get, well you deserve to, I think you have to deal with the situation tactfully. Like Pooja Chinoy said talk to your husband about it and ask him if he can suggest some tips to deal with his mom peacefully. If he says ignore, then tell him that you have been doing that but its not working. Either he talk to her or you will have to start talking for yourself, because this is taking a toll on your mental and physical health. :rant
     
    3 people like this.
  5. pman16

    pman16 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,130
    Likes Received:
    1,578
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    Oh....too much confusion of relationships.Your MIL is always finding for a chance to pick on you. Just chill. Good luck.
     
  6. snm1984

    snm1984 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    397
    Likes Received:
    1,015
    Trophy Points:
    248
    Gender:
    Female
    If your uncle/aunt or any of your close relatives fall sick,will your mil call and ask how they are doing.No its not her responsibility to call.Same goes for your parents.Don't encourage that habit.Your mil does not deserve the respect and patience you give to her.Don't depend on your hubby,in fact tell inform him to stay out of all these fights between you and mil.Ignoring strategy doesn't work so start being assertive.When you say no to her,she should get that you won't budge and are not going to take her commands.Tell her this,you don't owe her anything because you married your hubby.Your hubby fell in love with you because of your looks, personality and character.If she has problems with that she should discuss with her dear son.And in future your parents can't waste their precious time and energy talking with mil's relatives because they are busy people,they don't sit idle all day like your mil.Make her silent.You give respect and take respect.
     
    2 people like this.
  7. silvertulip

    silvertulip Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,124
    Likes Received:
    2,031
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    One of my aunt and uncle live in the same city and they have done some for the family formalities (like 1st time festivals after marriage on my parents behalf when my parents were unable to come and MIL had also told them as to not to bother about coming for such formalities as she wants to show off that she is against dowry and all). I am close to my uncle and aunt and visit them once in 2-3 months but my MIL doesn't like it as she feels I am being burden on my uncle and aunt! (Before marriage I used to be at their place when I used to be in the town for some work, but now I hardly visit them and my aunt misses those times as I am close to her.)
    Last month my uncle's bro expired (who lived separately) and when my DH got to know this, he informed my MIL (I was not thinking of telling her as my uncle asked my parents for not coming as uncle's brother's family finished all the rituals in 3 days and went off to US). My MIL when got to know this she was like why don't you tell such things and she made my FIL call my uncle.

    Ystrday her idea was when she called my uncle for his brother's death, why can't my parents call my SIL's ILs for asking abt the MIL's well being. I wanted to ask her that she does things for the reason that other person should do the same? My uncle and aunt and and my parents asked abt SIL's MIL from me my DH and my MIL. Isn't that enough? Shall I tell my DH that my MIL is creating unnecessary fuss for a petty issue as she has to pick on me?
     
  8. MaritalBliss

    MaritalBliss Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,087
    Likes Received:
    1,323
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes talk to your hubby about this. Do not bottle up your feelings and stress yourself. By doing so, your resentment for mil and dh will grow. After confiding in DH, do not expect him to do anything. He just needs to know what's going on. Next time record the outbursts.
     
    1 person likes this.
  9. smritisinha

    smritisinha Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,435
    Likes Received:
    4,555
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    You know whenever I read your posts, I am so reminded of my own MIL.. Things happening with you are exactly (and I really mean exactly to the point of being a replica) same which happen with me at the same or around the same time. I am so flabbergasted. I really am. I read your last post, and my mouth was agape for a few seconds. I read this, and now I think, it is high time I told you!

    Just in the morning I was reminded by my MIL how cool and calm and composed my DH used to be. But now he's changed. He's already having a stressful job which takes a toll on him. And when he comes back you tell him mom is upset which I never am which makes him upset. You will make us go mad someday. He never talks to me now. He doesnt smile from heart now. You have done this this this this this and that that that that that. bla bla bla bla bla... She just goes on and on and on and on like a parrot ranting on and on without any purpose or meaning.. I am just so fed up just like you are...

    I dont have any solution at all dear... But we definitely are in the same boat (exactly the same).

    Oh my God... M really surprised (shocked would be a better word) at this co-incidence...

    Hugs to you!
     
    1 person likes this.
  10. ChristianKing

    ChristianKing Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    14
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Male
    I have to learn so many things here..like SIL BIL MIL KIL IL and X ..

    Would anyone mind to teach me some English..?
     
    1 person likes this.

Share This Page