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Never stunt them with your over powering attitude

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by sunkan, Apr 8, 2008.

  1. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    Over powering attitude:
    We come across sometime in our life how over powering are our parents, they love to select our friends, our clothes, our study, our partners, our life in general, it makes one feel that we are the weeds to the big plant that they are and they know how to prune us whenever and wherever needed.

    Sometime this overpowering of a personality, lead us to find the children taking to so many bad habits, making the parent wonder where did I go wrong in bringing them up?
    It is tough for the child to even pin point it not to mention the repercussions involved in such a situation where the child is more aware that though all done in good intention
    It is too interfering in his mental growth and he remains the same for many years sometimes even an aged father.

    I know everything that is good for my kids could land the child taking up a subject that is not dear to him; he may make a bad doctor, may be an artiste at heart but because of his father he had to take up engineering or health line and so on, which has a big pay packet as far as the parents are concerned, I still remember my friend usha had a husband who had a penchant urge to play tabla in some musical shows, but due to his commitment as an engineer and an image where he cannot be seen on the stage, she used to call me please do come home and sing for him he wants to play tabla.

    Sometime this comes from the spouse he or she love to see their partners in particular color or shades of dress, may be the cars also are selected by them, the room, home anything from garden to a portrait or painting to be chosen, has to be done by the man who is never there at home, but the woman has to live with it.

    Even a particular color of silk sari is not liked and may be given away as gift when the wife is not around. I had been to a friend’s place where the entire house has been maintained by the man who is a marine engineer and half his life on the sea and the lady has to live by his design, so much that she cannot replace another picture in the room in his absence. His lily ponds are a beauty along with his aquarium but my friend is just maintaining it out of duty but not involved.

    Even some ads are shown about this, when a man gets to jump into the river only when his children are married and he is alone with his wife, this is just brutal to the child within. In trying to mould a personality we need to give extra space for the child to grow and then if we can go around it and help in pruning a little here and there could help him to decide about these factors. Even for a simple selecting of dresses I used to send my children on their own, many a time the choice would be bad for me but they like it so much I never had the heart to contradict, but yes grooming is a tough thing where children are concerned but let us not over power their binge to enjoy their youth just because we lost ours with our parents we should not repeat the story here.

    So the next time when you go along please do consider and leave him to make his decision
    From food habits to clothing to studies and especially spouse with whom he has to live with so never push your point here…sunkan
     
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  2. babyraji

    babyraji Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Sunkan Mam
    nice write up.even though v might just read it with alight mind ,bascically this is one very imp n a must guideline for every relation nomatter parents ,sibblings ,spouse or children.after my marriage theonly one advise which my mother gave me was to allow his own space to hubby n dont ever overshadow him with ur brains.today with one daughter i try to follow the same rule as i dont want any hinderance in growth.everybody will hav to b allowed to their own choices n only when it is toooomuch u can give some suggestions.
    i remember the days when my parents allowed me to take law leaving behind a free medicalseat n today iam happy tht iam very much successful.
    ur write up made me remember all early days .
    raji
     
  3. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sunkan
    Nice write up......
    So true we should always allow our kids to do they own decisions only then will they realise what is good or bad, which is important and which is not in life. We should be only beside them in whatever decisions they make and see to it they are on the right path. When they take their own decisions, it is sure they will work on it more harder..........
     
  4. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    thanku babyraji,
    it happens all over but to get a parent and husband to go by you is tough these days, i am happy for the rewind button of your mind..sunkan
     
  5. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    yes aruna,
    we are like the banyan trees and nothing grows beneath it says a friend of mine for this articles so we never allow anything to grow when we over shadow them in anything and we are always looking to them for furthering our life..happy u liked the article..sunkan
     
  6. KamlaMali

    KamlaMali New IL'ite

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    Dear Sunkan,

    What a wonderful piece of writing, I fully agree with you, as I am also a mother of two kids.............Kamla
     
  7. Vandhana

    Vandhana Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Sundari,

    A wonderful write up. I do strive to not over power my kids.... But some times it becomes difficult!! I guess we need a right balance of giving independence and to some extent overpower them!!
    Keep blogging.
     
  8. Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Sundari an awesome well written blog.. and timely one too.. I practice this everyday but sometimes I can get carried away too.. thats where my better half steps in to balance things out..I face this problem more with hair cuts than anything.. kid likes to grow hair long and unruly..so i argue about it.. so very well written.. do keep more coming:)
     
  9. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    dear vandhana,
    all my wedding saris were selected by someone i dont even know and it arrived a few days ahead with my blouses all stitched along so had to wear them, as my father felt the choice of color of his friend was in good selection,

    but when sathya got married i fought with my biological father that nothing doing she will select what she has to wear not someone else so we went shopping and she picked up all her fav colors..for that an episode took place which is too long i will write about as a blog..sunkan
     
  10. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    dear AC,
    nadu wittu nadu ponalum nammur pazhakkam poguma.

    pl let them live like when in rome be like the romans, only then they will blend with all.

    my aunt had a tough time with her kids who would not listen to anything of hers, and she had a below the knee level of thick plated hair which both sons would want that she cut off to shoulder length or she should not come to pick them up at school and no saree or salwar only jeans and tops, to which she agreed,

    but no cutting hair as that is what brought chithi and chithappa together...so it stayed so it happens we have to move along with them as they are among those people whom we have put them to be with, and we are at home and can make our own environment but not them..sunkan
     

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