Shanthi, I am in total agreement with you about how it can go awry. What I do is not appreciate directly with stars or sheets, but just tell my husband about how helpful K was that day when we share about how are days were. "R, when I had to cook and leave K for 30 min, he helped me by putting away his books." When overdone, I have a feeling this too would go awry. K could start thinking it is his responsibility to help me keep the house straight, not just his things. To me modelling has been the safest way, but it takes a lot of time. Vahee, I know you're setting a very good example for N, but I think the changes will come over time. When DH gets me my morning coffee:hide:, I make it a point to say thank you and he to say welcome. We've been doing since K was 6 months, only recently has he started reciprocating. So, I think you're doing great and Nagla will learn before you know.