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Neighbour Who Comes To Our House Constantly. How To Deal?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by nolife, Sep 7, 2021.

  1. nolife

    nolife Silver IL'ite

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    My neighbour was intially not very close to me.I got to know her only after the delivery during walk. Basically they close their doors always. Her husband was bit socially so we know him only a bit.
    I did go out on walks couple of times which I stopped later. I do like her kid and she used to bring her kid to our house on and off .. Probably I do feel that I gave lineanse and freedom which my dad said should not have given . I did buy 2 dresses and mom also gave her one stitched dress to the kid. Now the real problem is she started crying every time when I am alone with her during walk and started discussing her personal problems which are quite negative to me as I am single and slowly trying to get remarried.
    She is dropping at our house every night and my dad is not at home every night as he works in nights. She feels too free with my mom and me around . She comes to my home daily at night. To add on 3 days back her hubby joined and was afound at my house for 30mins which is quite irritating. I usually have work at nights and feel exxhausted daily to entertain the kid and lately I am getting feeling that she is quite negative with her own life and I do not feel good about it. Basically she walks in amd observers what is at home.
    How do I politely say to limit the visits over weekend? I did tell her before that I am free over weekends but still she kept coming around where as I never go to her house. Can I just drop her a message or shld I tell on face? I am bit hesitant to say on face . My dad is telling me not to commit anything in writing where as I am finding it difficult to say. I do enjoy kid and company , I do empathise her problems but right now my personal time and space is taking priority.
     
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  2. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Firstly,Empathaize.

    Only reason is to empathize is reframe your mind from gettIng irritated.

    She is probably lonely or comfortable with u.

    Having said that, she does not seem to realize her boundaries.

    Next time when she comes,you do not answer the door.Let your mom do it and tell her that you are busy or right now in the middle of child tantrums.

    Sometimes,it is okay with white lies.

    Secondly, tell her that you get busy with kids and family time and work during weekdays and maybe weekends are better to meet.


    Third,Enforce boundaries.Listen to her but do not encourage,ask or give any suggestions.Tell her you empathize with her but do not know what advixe to give.Just do not react or respond much.

    After sometime,when she is not getting her needs met,she will relax and move away slowly.
     
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  3. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree..
    It’s tough to get good and genuine friends at the same time every friendship has its limit..
    When a friend is also a neighbour it’s tough to set boundaries but it can be done tactfully.
     
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  4. nolife

    nolife Silver IL'ite

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    Problem is I am single (i am divorced and she does not know that I am dovorced). Right now i am trying to be more positive and couple of times I got bombarded with her personal issues.. yeah this is exactly I did on friday and my mom being old she is also finding it challenging to deal with her.
     
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  5. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Honestly there is nothing wrong in her knowing you are single.

    Infact,she might understand that you have your own issues to deal with and might back off.
     
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