Need Your View Ladies

Can you take break for your kids? If that's not possible then try to hire someone who can take care of kids and housework for 8 hours while you are doing your job. Don't think of saving right now. Kids grow very fast. If your in laws come they won't help but will do mental torture again. You have whole like to work and save money. This time is important for kids and your health.

 

You try to hire or look for day care. But I humbly suggest not to lose job in this situation. Especially with that past. Don't look for their support anymore because it seems useless. An additional headache to ur situation. I hope u r taking husband's finance support to pay for daycare. Share house responsibilities with him.
Try to handle the situation without IL support.
Just few yrs struggle then once kids grow everything will fall into it's place.

 

what was your motivation to reunite with your spouse. or what was his motivation. i think rest of issue will fix. if he was into working with family and reunite.

this hire maid, take break is secondary. you both can discuss quick.

but if it was only your effort to re-unite. this is complicated and hard . you will get good inputs from lot of ILS here

 

Its better to move forward than rewinding the past. I can gather from your post that
If you bring your inlaws
* you need to pay for flight plus entertainment
* your workload increase as you need to do extra cleaning and cooking
* you mental peace will be lost
* additional friction with your H
* you wont be able to focus well on your job

So, give up this idea
Instead think like this
*Taking care if kids is your and H's duty. So discuss with H on how he can manage when you are busy
*Find a daycare and re-adjust schedule
* or find nanny or help
* plan for the week and do cooking etc in weekends.
* you can use the money which you are planning to spend on inlaws trip plus expense, for childcare

In your inlaws issue
* forget about every thing you contributed . Dont expect it back. You wont get it. If you get it, happy for you.
* you husband is working and he is contributing well. Let him spend part of his earning to his parents. Good that its transparent. Open savings plan for kids and ask him to contribute. If he is taking care of your family expense and needs, then fighting for his contribution to his family, not worth it. Instead, channel it in smart way to investments including retirement plans, paying off mortgage etc.
* it will give you a good stand while you spend on your side of family
* you should have a bank account and full control on your salary and earnings. Also, plan and invest well.

Never ever give up your job. It will give you more problems and headaches.. Also an opportunity for others including H to control your life. So, stick with your job.

Ask this question. If you dont have anyone in this world, how you manage your kids?
I am sure you find a way. Your husband has to step up too. This struggle is for a few years, later you will be fine. Dont worry about money. If you give up job, it wont be easy to comeback, Anyway, it depends on your field of work and location.

Be strong, and plan well, you can do it, based on my experience as a working mom.

 

true. also i read you are in canada. do not play with fire in quitting job. i am hearing quite bad news about cost of living and taxes.

 

The dynamics of relationships in our context are incredibly complex, with no clear right or wrong answers.

Parents often sacrifice everything during their prime years for their children, particularly their sons, to ensure they achieve success in life. At the same time, they shower their daughters with love and protection, doing their best to provide for them as well. However, in doing so, parents frequently end up with little to nothing for themselves by the time they retire. They often neglect their own health and well-being, leaving them entirely dependent on their children. Since much of their investment typically goes toward their sons, their expectations also tend to rest heavily on them.

Traditionally, families expect a substantial dowry from brides, while little is expected from grooms. As a result, brides often enter marriage with little financial independence, relying heavily on their parents—who are often already financially strained after investing in their son’s education and future. This cycle frequently leads to the son, who is just beginning his independent life, bearing the responsibility of supporting his parents in marrying off his sister, often by taking on long-term loans in hopes of settling them with future earnings. While there may be exceptions today, this remains the norm in many cases.

If that son marries within his community in an arranged marriage, he may receive a larger dowry than what was spent on his sister. However, if he chooses to marry someone outside the traditional setup—especially if the bride doesn’t bring a dowry and expects an equal share in wedding expenses—the financial burden on him can become overwhelming.

Now, coming to your situation...

Leave the past aside and focus on what you can control right now.

You have two young children and just the two of you to manage everything. Here are some practical steps:

1. See if your husband can actively contribute to childcare and household chores.
2. Explore the option of hiring domestic help if feasible.
3. Consider whether taking a break from work is financially manageable for your family.
4. Look into daycare centers and assess if they fit your budget and can help ease the load.

It’s also crucial to budget your expenses. Sit down with your spouse to prioritize your needs, wants, and investments accordingly.

Don’t expect help from your parents or in-laws. If they’re happy and willing to assist, accept their help graciously and reciprocate when they’re in need. However, if they choose not to help, you should be prepared to manage without them.
Your parents may want to help you physically than they would do to their DIL. Similarly, your in laws may lean towards their DD than to you with regards to maternity care. This happens.

Ultimately, the responsibility for your children and household lies with you and your husband. What he may have done for his parents in the past doesn’t negate the fact that they, too, invested in him earlier. Focus on building a sustainable system that works for your family moving forward.