Need your suggestions...long post

I have been married for 7 yrs..on the day I landed in USA my husband tells me that he has to take care of two people in his life..his girlfriend and his wife (that's me). I was not aware of this before marriage otherwise I wouldn't have married this guy. He used to say that he has not got enough savings that's why he can't marry but his parents apparently forced him to marry me ( I got to know about this after marriage).
I was very afraid and lonely and didn't know anything about how things work here in usa....so I continued. He was chatting/calling his girlfriend and exchangings I love us etc. One day I asked him what the hell is going on...do u want to continue doing like this or should I leave. I bought tickets to visit my cousins in California and I told him take ur time and think over it. The moment I landed in California..he sends me flowers and bouquets every alternate day and saying that he wants me only. THat moment on everything was fine and I got pregnant. Within on week of my pregnancy news, he got laid off and he found a job in California. This all happened in 2009 jan. We moved to ca in 2009 jan. we stayed with BIL till my son was 5 months old. Then we stayed with SIL till my son was 10 months old. Then we moved into our own apartment. He invited his friend to stay in one of our bedroom till he looked for his own apartment. He ended up staying for 2 months. Then my inlaws came..they stayed for 1 yr. Then I went to india for 6 months. Came back to usa in 2011 nov. From nov 2011 to jan 2012 we again stayed with SIL. From jan 2012 to oct 2012 we stayed with BIL. from oct 2012 to jan 2013 we stayed with SIL. Finally in feb 2013 we moved into our apartment. He had a female collegue who wanted to move too so he gave one bedroom to her as a paying guest. She left in nov 2013 and in the same month inlaws came. This year I got pregnant in jan (it was an accident and I didn't want to abort the baby...though he wanted me to abort)and I had my baby in September. My parents cou;dn't come so I managed everything on my own. Didn;t bother to disturb husband as he was always working on laptop. Took care of my 4 yr old son. Couldn;t send himt o preschool as we didn;t have enough savings. After he turned 4 yrs he started going to preschool.
the reason I am telling is that just 1 week bk I stumbled upon a chat. My husband started chatting with an American woman talking all sleezy sex talks. I feel cheated of all the time I spent doing everything on my own...assuming that hes doing his office work. All the time he was chatting! last 4 yrs when ur being shuffling like a football from one home to another home, where is the time to get intimate?? And he goes ahead and starts having this fling...why I should forgive him.

he taunts me that I don't have a job.
I tolerated his brother and sister nonsense for 4 yrs.
I cooked cleaned like a maid in their homes along wit breastfeeding and taking care of my son.
I wanted to study and join a community college but couldn't.
even though we were staying with his bro/sis he goes ahead and puts his entire savings in paying off his father debt and to top it all for buying a home of 55lakhs???? So in 2013 I asked my parents/bro/sis to pay the monthlt installments. they were apprehensive but they eventually gave the money...

now the situation is my trust on him is gone. more than that I feel guilty that my br/sis and parents also trusted him because of me.

I now plan to get a job first. my question is if I can work..take care of kids..do everything on my own why the heck do I need this man in my life???

* I hv put my thoughts randomly...sorry for this long rant but I need some clarity here.

 

Thanks for replying. I am very grateful to my BIL and SIl for tolerating us...but they didn't make my life easier. With all the guilt feeling that I don't have a place of my own, I did everything possible for them.

Yes I agree that my husband is irresponsible, reckless and useless human being. Now what do I do. I have zero feelings for him. Now I have two kids.

The thing is that its been a week since I got to know about this fling. He has not apologized to me but he is remorseful and is trying everything to please me. But its not going on well with me. Am I saint to give him chances?? When I was feeling lonely I could have gone online and searched for a friend right? When I was faithful to him why couldn't he be??? Are all men like this or is my marriage to this guy totally wrong???

 

I agree with all your points. I have started studying. Fortunately this year I got my GC so I can work. He is a good father...infact a very good father. Its only that I am not able to forgive him at all. I can't bring myself upto it.