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Need Your Insight! It's Urgent. Can't Share With Parents!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by deepideepi, Aug 1, 2020.

  1. deepideepi

    deepideepi Silver IL'ite

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    My husband has six siters ( Five elders and one younger) and he is the only brother. It is really painful that it happened right before rakhi.

    One of my sister inlaw's daughter is getting married next year. They are planning it huge even in this corona situation (i can understand that its daughter marriage and there excitement. We don't have any problem until the situation will be good till then). We live in bangalore and she live in UP ( Four of them lives in other states and two of them in same city).

    So, my all six sister in law make conference call everyday and we(me and my husbanf) didn't know what they talk about until they had a huge fight over a conference call. Basically fight was about marriage. Like who is gifting what and who is hepling how much. They splited in two groups. Three is each group.

    After that they started telling mean things to each other. Bad mouth about each other and even became abusive to each other over the phone.

    My father in law passed away one year back and mother in law is living with us. All of them called her one by one and complain about each other. MIL got tired of all these happening everyday for four days. Then my husband had to interfere and said he will make everybody understand and solve the problem. When he called everyone one by one, they all complained about each other and they swear on their husband kids and even their brother, that is my husband that they all are correct and others are bad.
    When my husband try to make them understand they started revealing what other one talks about me to my husband over there conference call. One of them has problem with my appearance(i am good looking not lying. I have done few commercials too but even if i m not, they don't have right to say), she called me "DAYAN" (witch) because i don't tie my hair (i have straight managable hair), she has problem that i dont wear bindi and sindoor and bangles ( i wear sindoor, bangles, toering), she has problem because i talk in english in my videos ( i make youtube vidoes). She siad that "I am angez ka baccha".

    Other one has even problem with my parents. They drag them too. Its been already 9 years of our marriage. They haven't met them after our marriage beacuse my parent live in different country, still they have problem with my parent. At the time our marriage my parents had 1 floor house, now they have four floor house. They said that my husband gave them money to built the house which is completly false. All of my sisters brother mom dad everybody earn. Still they took loan to built that house and paying EMI every month.
    Other one said that my certificate is lie (I have done BBA (they are 10th passed/failed. Just for letting you all know that they have not done masters to let me down.) and whatever english i talk is because husband taught me (I studied in english medium school).

    I got furious after listening this and my husband too. Why shouldn't i? My mother in law said leave it.. if i bad mouth about her daugher and call her dayan would she leave me for that? Never.

    I thought to ask her about that and called her in front of my husband. She started shouting like anything. She started saying that its a lie. Everybody is after her. That i am asking this to her because i don't want her to come to us in rakhi and one year ritual for my FIL.

    Then i said that i don't care if you come or not. After this my mother in law started drama. She started packing her stuff and was ready to go to hometown. I thought, if that happens then there will me more drama and convince her any how.

    Now rakhi there is on monday and bext week pooja for my father in law. One of them called me and my husband for rakhi but the other one who said i am "dayan" didn't called once.
    She called my mother in law and said that if i will call her for pooja then only she will come.

    Even another SIL called my husband and asked him to go to her house for rakhi even she don't call him because he is younger than her. But the SIL who is elder than her she is also not calling and talking. Such a hypocrisy. She even drag my dead FIL that he is crying seeing this that my husband is fighting with his sister. What about the time when they were fighting with each other?

    Please provide your views here...
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2020

  2. winterhue

    winterhue Finest Post Winner

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    First and very important point, their fight was among themselves . Siblings , they fight now ,but there is a good chance that they might resolve their issues and reconcile . By calling your SIL and fighting with her, you have made that entire dirty episode now about yourself. You just brought a very ugly thunderstorm that would have resolved by itself right into your backyard . So lesson learnt from this episode - never jump into a fight . Always grab the popcorn and watch. Even if your name is thrown around.
    Now , in terms of damage control - I still think you should stay away from it. Do not react any more. If the SIL wont come to the pooja without you calling, I would suggest a call with your husband by your side , on speaker. Do not apologize. Just tell her you were hurt by the term Dayan and that it would be good if she came for the function. Short, crisp and quick. DO NOT, i repeat, DO NOT interfere between your husband and his sisters. They will figure it out by themselves. Your motive is just to slowly step out of the boxing ring.

    It does not mean you have let things slide, it just means you have recognized that fighting with the pigs is only going to get you dirty, there is not going to be any difference to the pigs. They should not have talked about your parents, they have no business calling you names. But imagine this, 9 yrs they talked among themselves about you without you knowing - did it affect you in any way ? If you go about "clarifying" about who financed the house, do you really think they will believe it? Even if they do, you think they will admit it? That is the deal about people - they will believe what they want to believe. So no use walking around trying to clear your name.
    deepideepi, SCA, mybaby1 and 2 others like this.

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