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Need ur advice

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by bablue, Jul 6, 2010.

  1. bablue

    bablue New IL'ite

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    I am new to this forum, after reading some thread i am really interested, to get advice on my problem, My problem is my husband, our is arranged marriage,actually he is really a nice person, but he has some bad habits,
    My character is... i really expect perfect in everything.i don't like lieing
    ,but he is exact opposite
    he lies so much for money, i am really shamed of writing abt my problems, if i keeps money for some emergencies he will take it, never tells to me. i told him many time if have problem take it and pls tell me after that, but he never does it.
    he drinks sometimes, i dont really like it,i thinks that all the time he takes money using for drinking, becasue one of his brother is drunkard, dead becasue of too much drinking,
    if i ask him about that he says i am not drunkard i drink only in weekends.
    but still i dont like it, i know my limits
    sometimes he takes bankcard and takes money and never ever tells me. if i ask then he accepts it.

    I don;t know, am expecting too much, expecting that he has to tell everything to me.
    Apart from that he is really good person.whatever i do he never say nothing.
    I really don;t like he is hide something from me
    because of this we have problem all the time.
    i don't know how to solve it please advice me on this..wat to do..
     
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2010
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  2. bebe

    bebe Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear bablue

    I think that you are not expected too much from him. I rather think that he is ashamed of what he is doing and what he is using the money for. That´s why he is not telling you about taking the money. Really don´t know what to suggest you, other than talk to him again and make him realise that he has a problem with alcohol. Are there any therapy facilities near your place where he could go to to get ride of his addiction?

    Wish you all the best.
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2010
  3. DevikaS

    DevikaS Senior IL'ite

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    you r husband is not having a problem with alcohol! so stop worrying about that.. he does have a problem with spending money and not telling you..

    Only one solution.. open a seperate bank account (dont tell him the code/ give him card) and keep savings in there.. so he cannot have access to it.. simple
     
  4. bablue

    bablue New IL'ite

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    thanks for your advice. i have try that.
    thanks
     
  5. indianguy2010

    indianguy2010 IL Hall of Fame

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    There are two issues. One is.......how much a man should inform his wife about his expenses. This is highly individualistic. Some men, do not feel the need to inform every expenditure of him to his wife. Even I do not inform every expenditure of me to my wife.

    But, if he withdraws a big amount of money, you and him have earmarked for some important family expenditure, for the purpose of drinking.........then clearly he is going for problem drinking.............in other words, called "addiction".

    Secondly, a week end drinking alone is not a sign of 'addiction'. Carefully note down the frequency of his drinking sessions. If you feel, his frequency of alcohol is increasing gradually...........then again it is a sign of addiction.

    Your position is a delicate one. If your husband slowly goes for addiction to alcohol, the responsibility of pointing it to him, lies on you. And this process is bound to provoke him and initiate conflict.

    But, it is a tough job............you have to do. If you nag him too much about it, he may start drinking without your knowledge.

    Convince him that you are his best friend. And, as far as his drinking is limited to social drinking, restricted to once a week frequency only, you do not mind.

    Also, tell him with love and affection ( at the time, when he is not drinking)..........about his increasing frequency (if the frequency actually increases) and about the dangers of addiction.

    Good Luck...!
     

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