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Need To Restart Life And Career At Age 36 With Infant Child

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by Cool10, May 14, 2016.

  1. Cool10

    Cool10 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Because of my troubles with ILs and H, I came back to my parent's place along with my daughter. Now H is going to country XYZ where he has work permit. They are saying fall in their feet and apologize or he will not come back. He is also saying that he will sponsor and take SIL/her kids later. They said that I have to live as and how they want to keep (terrible living conditions with constant abuse) otherwise I and my daughter can forget about H.

    Today they called to inform this. When my parents asked what is the meaning of all this, then they abruptly dropped the bomb shell and demanded a huge amount of money for reconciliation (termed it as "Security for my infant child's future". The money is to be put in FDs in FIL's name). H not lifting calls, blocked me everywhere on net and ILs are only informing about demand.

    1. We dont have money to pay them. My parents are retired and the amount is equal to 5 times my yearly salary.
    2. We dont want to pay them as there is no guarantee that their misbehavior will stop after this and they might demand more in the future.

    Now I am depressed feeling hopeless and lost as I need to rebuild my life and career again at the age of 36 along with sole responsibility of my child. Today I sorely regret my decision of love marriage against my parent's choice.

    Any inputs on how to get life as a single parent back on track will be very much appreciated.
     
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  2. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Time to take legal action. Put 498 case, missing case as well as child support case against husband and inlaws.
     
  3. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    36 is not a big age, but very capable and mature age in all perspectives, have a grip on every part of life, u can take care of u and ur kid very well, just keep going and do what has to be done in philosophical fashion or putting things in god hand . Be brave , in this world everybody has a place to live with dignity. U don't need to sacrifice self respect just to tag as married when h is hiding like a coward

    For child security FD means it shoul be on child name. That u and ur H has to earn, tell the same to them. The more u talk , the more they hurt you. Cut all talks to ur Inlaws
    And also no talks between ur parents and in laws..

    U r earning so can take care of ur daughter
    Ur h has responsibility . May be file separation or wait for few months to see where it goes?

    Ur fil wants FDs from dils earnings, to allow dil to live with their son, What should we call this, dowry or any other names for it.
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2016
  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    If possible,record the conversation about demand.
    Meet up your local women helpline group/police.
    Find a good lawyer .
    Use anti dowry laws to bring them in line. Ask for child support and alimony.
    Men like your husband and sils like yours should marry each other and save other girls the trouble.
     
    Metamorphic, Sparkle, bron and 9 others like this.
  5. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Just be glad to leave them. Seek lawyer's help for divorce and alimony. Concentrate on career and maybe upgrade skills and with your parents help take care of your kid.
    Take care.
     
    Cool10 likes this.
  6. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    Dear,

    Self respect has no age.Just say no to all your IL's demands and focus on your career and child.
    If you want to live with your H,make sure to live in a place where you can also work.
     
    blindpup10, songbird46 and Cool10 like this.
  7. teejay

    teejay Gold IL'ite

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    cool10,
    you are entitled to spousal and child support. consult a good lawyer and file case. what is your field of employment ? If it is IT, places like Bangalore has institutes that offer courses with job assistance. take up a course in hadoop,terradata ,informatica etc and hopefully you can find a good job and rebuild your career. you can ask your parents' help to take care of your kid. The situation is difficult.But nothing is impossible.never give up. be strong for your kid's sake. god bless
     
    Cool10 likes this.
  8. shobhamma

    shobhamma Gold IL'ite

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    My dear
    I know it is depressing and you must be feeling low. Like everyone said, get a good lawyer and get rid of him. It is going to be traumatic but finally you will be free,

    This is the time to buck up for your daughter's. your parents and indeed for your own sake. 36 is a very young age.

    Teejay has given several options, if you have a science background , Indian Govt has a scholarship scheme for women who had a break in their career. I have uploaded the pdf.

    even if you do not have science background, there are many courses and avenues . there are loads of free courses online.

    And take a stock of your strengths. See if you want to start something on your own. If you are a good teacher people are crying for good tutors - that can be done from home. I know at least three people who now have a roaring business of tuition classes.

    Best of luck and buck up.
     

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  9. Cool10

    Cool10 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Thank you all for your support and encouraging words. I am employed in IT and on maternity leave (unpaid now as paid was exhausted). Unfortunately me and hubby are employed in same company in same technology so I fear to go back as everybody will know my situation there. People may either pity or laugh. Need to search and rejoin somewhere else. Also how to take care of dear daughter as she as hole in heart since birth. Parents are old and unfair to ask them to move new city to take care of grandchild. My savings are all exhausted and parents are supporting.

    We are searching for good lawyer now. We dont have recording of conversation as it never struck us that they can demand so openly and cheaply (Yes, they have been pressurizing and taking money so long but never with such boldness).

    Thoughts and ideas are coming and going in my mind as to what to do and it is all becoming muddled up. I am perplexed as I never thought my H will fall to such level. My parents are also not able to decide what to do as we never faced such kind of situation before. Some times they say we should try to reconcile and sometimes we should file for divorce.
     
  10. shobhamma

    shobhamma Gold IL'ite

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    It is darkest before Dawn!
    This too shall pass.

    There are many legal firms who give some initial free advise online. You can google and try.

    All the best
     
    Cool10 likes this.

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