Need tactic moves, please help and guide me!

sowmani · Oct 21, 2012

Hi my ILs,

happy to post after a small time.
please go through my http://www.indusladies.com/forums/r.../178235-really-need-solution-please-help.html thread to get me know better!

Now, after spending about six months at my parent's house I am writing this.
Scenario never changed in my case but became worse by neighbours and relatives!
Many steps were taken by us but he was stubborn in his state. In these days, I should say he had gone really mad! I really pity him instead of having anger. That much serious his madness is! Later, Heard from his mom, all the time he got work from home option and sitting inside the same room??!!! Even his mom was not with him after sending me out! I couldn't imagine how he would be??!

Before two days, I got a call from my husband who said he is going to make out boomi puja in few days. For that he invited me and baby, saying baby will do the function and I can return back to my house after that. He says his anger is not reduced but I could sense from his talk that he wants our daily chats and expects some sweet phrases we had before!

My In Laws are taking a house for rent, (down to ours ) to look after the house construction. Oh my god, I could not imagine me with her 24/7 :rant

My problem is, Should I really go? He said he wont come to take me..
What I will do if he ask me to go again to my native?
In these 2 or 3 days, baby will again remember him and ask him!
But I really need a full stop for this sorrow life.
Whenever, I talked about divorce, he says he didn't mean it! But demands me to be a obedient DIL to them. (No problem if they were ATLEAST TOLERABLE) Only then I can enter his house. Or I can stay back.
None at his end is changed and myside wants a good turn to my life!

At this stage, how should I react with them, once I go?
If they start speaking about me going back, how should I speak? (In between times, once my MIL told she wont come in my life again. but went there before i go)

What are all the points I can use to make him come to my side?

I dont know whether I am right or not in this question.. but I really need a best advice.. Thanks for reading my long post.. :hiya
waiting for your reply..

florencesom · Oct 21, 2012

Hi,
your hubby wants you and baby to come for the puja, and he is not ready to let you stay??? are you kidding me??? i mean....i dont know....i dont think it's a good idea to go to him whenever he needs you and come back whenever he doesnt want you.....thats really not good....i guess you need to get help from a lawyer or someone professional about your gold and fd...and also make it clear to him that you are not ready to live with him if you are not respected in the family...and pls..pls..pls...get a job...even a small job will help your stand on your own feet....i dont know whether my advice is correct as i'm not that experienced, but this is what i would have done if i were in your situation...

whatisaguytodo · Oct 21, 2012

What are you going to do if he doesn't give back the child and decides to keep her? If your husband is a real bastard and from your posts it sounds like he his, when you drop the child off he'll have the grandparents take her away. When you call the police he will have everyone say she dropped the kid off and abandoned her saying she didn't want the responsibility anymore.

Like florencesom has suggested get a job. Don't just stay at home doing nothing. If you do have to get a divorce you do need to be able to support yourself. Your parents won't be around forever to support you.

Frankly, I think you should give up on him and get a divorce. Make your husband pay child support and alimony.

tulipzz · Oct 22, 2012

Hello! Wake up.

Is that for some sort of Show he is putting up for relatives? If his anger didn't reduce, ask him to FO. Why is he even calling you then? What does he think of you? You go all the way to bhumi pooja and he acts angry etc and make you look like the wrong one trying to make up for mistakes? DONT go.

Really, think of the situation in the post above....what if he takes your child away? What will you do? Your child will miss you so much and will cry for you forever......be careful...

Listen, dont take his calls. After a few weeks if he still calls, tell him you can't tolerate his madness anymore and that you wish to spend your life with a partner who values you. He must get a slave for his parents really, not a wife for himself....

OP, whatever you decide, be aware and prepared or the consequences. I am not saying divorcing will be a bed of roses. Living with him is not one either. So you need to ask yourself consequences which of these will be better for YOU.

tulipzz · Oct 22, 2012

OP, I will tell you one thing. Will you be able to trigger a drama and record all the crap they talk?

If you are able to do that you cn threaten them with a harassment case and get your jewels and fd back.

With this kind of people, you should not let them walk away free if he wants to divorce you. You must file a harassment case and put such people in jail....

I can't believe people can be sooooooooo shameless....they took your jewels and fd, bought a land and the house will be in MILs name!

lilacgal77 · Oct 22, 2012

Dear Sowmani

Sorry to hear you situation..but ask yourself if you really want to live with your DH after all the dramas he has pulled off..dumping you with your parents and using all your jewels and FD is one thing but to ignore his flesh and blood is totally unacceptable..do you really think that after you manage to settle this issue and return to his side all will be well..i seriously dont think so dear..be bold and look for a job..you have been without DH for so long and you really dont think you need him now..get a job and start living fresh with your baby..never depend on others and stand on your own feet.. About the jewels and FD, try to record or any evidence that they have taken from you and lodge a complaint..Please dont ask your parents to apologize for your IL idiotic dramas..show them that you can live happily without them..be strong and do it for the sake of your baby...

Lila

anjananathan · Oct 22, 2012

are u invited just for the pooja or u will continue staying with him.. could not get that from ur post..
if its only pooja, do not go and loose ur self respect..

falgunid18 · Oct 22, 2012

your hubby wants you and the baby to come only for puja and not to stay.... what a drama queen... that too he expects you to come by yourslef and he is not coming to pick you. uhhh....

He just needs you there as for a show-off.... and how do you know about his plans.... what if he and mil takes the baby from you and ask you to leave alone or stay with your kid at his place following their robotic orders.

Sowmani..... I sense a big red flag....think many times before you go at his place... aren't your parents invited for puja?? if you want to go... then go with them... but poll goes to NOt going at his place...

You have started to lead a good life... continue with that and love on... let your husband act foolishly.... he is not a child who will lock himself inside a room and then wfh.... he is a father and should very well understand his reponsibilities and his behaviour.

Did he ver take any therapy sessions or counselling.... can you ask him to go for counselling to improve his behaviour...

sowmani · Oct 23, 2012

Dear friends, Thanks for all ur care and replies..
One thing if I say u will kill me.. The worst thing is I left my degree certificates in that house, as I was applying to renewal of passport and ECNR. He sent my passport to a friend, but they say they can't find my documents
I sent my cousin to search through entire house, but found nothing.
Here, I am processing FIR to get duplicate new B.E as well as M.Tech certificates.. In between as many technos suggested I was going for Freelance Trainer, as they wont demand documents and day basis job.

Yeah, coming back.. My parents were not invited. He said to convey this info to them and thats it!
My dad is planning to send with my cousin who is a Police and I hope to search my documents also.
So, I think they wont dare to touch my baby.

And YES FRIENDS, In my mind, I am ready for divorce! But I need some time to go till that.. not sentimental but to gain more strength and points.

This is a lifeline for this marriage.. If they start fight again or do anything on me, FOR SURE I will lodge a complaint and come. Yes I should not spare them and that's why I plan to go to get a solid proof. As tulipzz said, I have to record all things ..
I dont know how far i am tactic but I must work out something. please correct me if i am wrong,

thank you dears..

tulipzz · Oct 24, 2012

OP, don't worry about your certificates. Apply for new ones.... Even though that's a bit of a hassle.

Why do you want to go? I still don't understand....what about your self respect? This person threw you out of the house, got a plot with your jewels and is building a house for his mother on it. This person doesn't care about you and your child. After all this, all he does is one call and that too the most insulting invitation..... And there you are, all ready to go.

Can I ask why? Even if you want to go, why do you want to take the baby? Why do you want to please him/them? Why do you want to put your baby through the pain knowing very well that he will not one to see her?

OP, listen, take one step at a time. First, get your confidence back. Get over this person. Don't talk to him for a few months....Divorce him mentally for a few months....see how you are coping....

Don't file a complaint at this stage. You need to smarten up to file a complaint correctly and to stick to it. If you are emotionally so weak, that all it takes for him is one phone call to get you to dance to his tunes, you are not ready for the fight. Don't do it in haste.

Your first priority should be to mentally prepare for divorce. Then plan on making yourself financially independent. THEN think about wht you want to do to them.