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Need suggestions for a brief stay in India

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Singingheart, Mar 19, 2010.

  1. Singingheart

    Singingheart New IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    Here is my situation briefly: I have not met my parents for 2 years (since my marriage). I desperately want to meet them, this year. The good part is that, now I have got a (really challenging) job for few months in a city that is closer to my parent's place and farther away from my in-laws' place. I am excited about the job, meeting parents and all those stuff :). I really want my mother to come and stay with me at my place of work (since I will not have much time left after I get over with this job and the remaining time might have to be spent with my in-laws). So, I am planning to rent a 1 BHK house, so that my family can be with me for sometime. I am also not sure on when I will get to meet them again.

    At the same time, I do not want my in-laws to come and stay with me. I have had to stay with my in-laws for around 4 months. My experience was similar to most of yours. Briefly, not good. I generally, do not speak ill of them to my hubby, unless it really bothers me (which I rarely let them do). In such cases, I have found it really difficult to make him understand. But once he has understood, he has stood up for me :). Now, I will definitely go to meet them once (for a weekend) and then after I get over with my job. But in the mean time, neither do I want stay at their place nor do I want them to come and stay with me at my place of work. Both my in-laws are retired. They are extremely dominating. If they come to know that, I am planning to stay with my parents, they might say, we will come and stay with you for sometime :drowning...which will reflect on my work too... I do not want that to happen.

    Do you have any suggestions such that I will get to stay with my parents and at the same time, avoid my in-laws staying with me? In case, there is something missing in the post, please let me know.

    Thanks,
    SingingHeart.
     
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  2. vmtaurus

    vmtaurus Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Singingheart

    IMO, it will be difficult to avoid your in-laws coming and staying with you unless you explicitly tell them you don't want them there. What is your DH's opinion on this? Will he be ok with only your parents coming home and staying with you and not his?
     
  3. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    Are you the only one going from your work or is anyone else joining on the project too. I am sure your office is making all the arrangements of your stay and trip.
    Their is no need to tell everything in advance about your plans for the stay while you are working.
    Working is the key word. Yor are not on vacation right.
    I am sure you will visit family and friends who are close by and in turn they will visit you.
    On such a visit your mom decides to stay with you. So whats the problem?
     
  4. Singingheart

    Singingheart New IL'ite

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    Thanks for your replies, vmtaurus and ars!

    Vmtaurus, I have never been frank with my ils (atleast after knowing them). I think if a person is reasonable, and has conscience, there is a point in trying to reason out. If not, reasoning things with them, is going to make my life worse. So, I do not want to tell my ils upfront that I do not want them to come and stay with me. As for my hubby, I guess I can convince him saying that I have been with his parents last year, but I have not met my parents for 2 years. He also knows that I am not very comfortable with them and understands that they have been unreasonable with me. I do not want this to create a huge problem:drowning. So far, due to distance I am safe, but the closer they are, they could make life miserable for me. So, I am being quiet.

    ars, my office is not going to make arrangements for my stay. I know of another girl, who is coming with me. But she already has friends there and so has made arrangements for her accomodation. But I am sure there will be someone like me, looking out for an accomodation. I like your idea of not informing them about my plans, initially and then have my mom come for a visit and stay back :goodidea:. But I am worried about my ils calling me and say, we will come and stay for a month :frown:, which would indirectly mean that my mom has to leave. Do you have any suggestions on how I should handle this?

    Thank you both!
     
  5. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    So your Mom stays back with you and your PIL wants to come to right:bonk
    Couple of options
    1. Your Mom managed some how and the place is too small for 2 people(PIL)
    2. Have a room mate and blame it on the roommate and work timings and say next time you will plan ahaead so both can come but for now your Mom staying is more of work to Mom than having fun with you.
    3. Just keep postponing their visit by blamimg your work timings.

    Once you are their you dan't have to be giving every minute detail of whats going on. Speaking on the weekends should be fine. JMO
     
  6. Singingheart

    Singingheart New IL'ite

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    Wow ars, I love the idea of having a room-mate and playing blame game.:thankyou2:..which is similar to many of their smart dramas :wink: . I hope it works well :). Thanks again dear!
     
  7. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    Singing Heart,
    Good Luck.
    I hope you are still planning on visiting them at the end of your work.

    10 years ago, I would not have been able to give these smart ideas. You see every one in my family (Parents and IL's) are very open and chatty. So, their was no need for me to be smart. But I am learning from past 10 years by being around with younger smarter generation:hide:
     
  8. Singingheart

    Singingheart New IL'ite

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    Hi ars,

    Thanks for the wishes :)! Glad to hear that your parents and in-laws are friendly!
    I am definitely going to visit them and stay with them for a few days. But I do not want them to spoil my plans (being with my family and performing well at work). Unfortunately, they have not been understanding and have always tried to dominate, compare, demean, and interfere. I think I have been a bit smart in avoiding or overcoming any trouble (till now) that they try to make. Sometimes, I really get weak and give in to their pressure :hide: and then hate myself for that. So, I guess I am yet to become smarter :)...trying to be there, soon and handle things properly.

    Thanks again for the idea! I am hoping that I will get an accomodation for a few months and a nice roomie (to be a friend and to be blamed to my in-laws :rotfl)...Hopefully everything will go as "All izzz Well"....
     

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