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Need Suggestions About Kids Birthday Party And Not Inviting Neighbor Kid

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by chaaral, Aug 15, 2017.

  1. chaaral

    chaaral Silver IL'ite

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    Hi all,
    I live in a development where it is mostly indians. i am planning a birthday party for my daughter and the issue is one kid in our street is not so friendly with my daughter and everytime she comes over or they play it is a fight and i try to avoid it. her mom also doesn't help but make the situation worse. i had few get together and invited them over too but hubby and kids were upset that i invited them. she has two kids and they make a mess, throwing stuff all over, breaking things, wasting food etc and the mom doesn't even take care of the kid. so my hubby and kids were behind them. i was busy heating food and serving etc.
    so now for the birthday party they dont want to invite this kid. other kids in the neighbourhood also dont like this kid but when we meet out all talk nicely. i feel confused whether to invite this kid or not. if i leave her out it is openly inviting trouble. this kids mom and kid both are too bossy.
    she is the type who would take advantage of other ppl, bad mouth about others etc. so i always keep it to minimum other than once in a yr potluck and birthday party. last yr we invited her for the birthday party and she took all the other kids cupcake toppers and i wasn't able to control this kid. how do u manage such situations/ppl?
     
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  2. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    If you invite the entire desi community on your street and leave this one child, it would be unfair. Autism/ ADHD rates are pretty high and with high functioning ASD kids it's hard to distinguish between bad behavior and ASD . We often tend to blame parents for their kid's bad behavior but parents of kids on ASD work really hard to try to control them. You can avoid having play dates but excluding the child from a party that everyone else is invited is a bit harsh.

    If I were you I would either invite the child and have lots of activities to keep them busy . If not , I wouldn't even have a party , take the child to a theme park and have a fun day outside. In the end it's all about making happy memories . Just my opinion, need not be right .
    Happy birthday to your daughter !
     
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  3. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Finest Post Winner

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    I was in your situation few days ago
    Do what you feel..
    If your kids and hubby don't like over a party.
    It isn't good, it will spoil the party mood.
    I didn't invite the bossy lady who always give high ratings for her daughter's... over varalakshmi vratham.
    I knew other ladies will talk on my back, they don't dare to ask me
    One did, I told simply I forgot. She knows I'm lying....but I don't want to get irritated and later give a post here, how the lady behaved. Etc etc.
    Just avoid her, in case this boycotting her would mess in the community, just give her party time by 30 min., Post cake cutting. Invite her only on the food time.
    Let them come eat and go.
    I can understand your situation, I'm also in similar place... All these ladies drama I can't take it.
    If you can't avoid her, invite only for 20-30 min on exact the food time. So they won't feel left out, you won't feel pressured.
    Happy birthday to your kid!
     
  4. chaaral

    chaaral Silver IL'ite

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    Thankyou Sandycandy and Vedhavalli for your suggestions.
    its a good idea to call them later and give cake and pizza etc. so they dont feel left out. great idea Vedhavalli!!
    This kid is not having any autism/ADHD issues. we do have 2 kids with issues in our street. this kid is more bossy and dominating. as u said two other girls stopped having birthday party and few boys do boys only party but this kid goes to the party uninvited. the mom itself drops her and goes to gym in evening. sometimes ppl just take advantage.
     
  5. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    WELL THEN DONT INVITE THEM
     
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  6. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    If you invite this child, you will be inconvenienced for one evening.

    If you invite every child except this one, the child will feel hurt for a long time to come. She may even discuss you with her therapist in a couple of decades. :imp:

    Your choice. :p

    Seriously, imagine how you would feel if your DD was the only child not invited to a party.

    :dev14: to your DD, @chaaral!
    .
     
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  7. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    true
     
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  8. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    I would like to second Amica's reply.
    You might consider hiring a responsible teenager, one you trust, to discreetly keep an eye on those specific socially maladroit kids, so that they can be kept out of trouble and everyone can have a good time (sort of like a party babysitter).
    "Jug jug jiyo" to your little daughter!
    :beer-toast1:
     
  9. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, in case of little naughty kids what we can do is boost their confidence by telling " oh my son u r a good boy" etc. U can even make them feel important saying that they should be taking care of younger kids. This is what I do with my students both in school as well as in tuitions(back in India).There will be slow changes. I know u would think(I too think) it is parents responsibility to guide kids. But we don't know her side maybe she really feels difficult to guide her kids . Have lots of activities or plan games outside in a nearby park. So children indulged in activities can be easier to handle. Good luck. Just feel free from worries. Its a small problem.
     
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  10. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    I am a mom of 2 young active kids, who sometimes misbehave when they are surrounded by their near and dear ones, specially during parties or gatherings as such.
    They are normal kids with perfect psychological and physical health.
    We do not harshly discipline them, rather we let them enjoy their childhood. They are just being kids!
    Even though, we ensure these kids do not trouble our hosts, or disturb the parties, something or the other happens unexpectedly.
    Not only my kids, but many kids who have the easy going parents take such liberties, and enjoy!
    Some kids really like to live such care free life, but are harshly controlled by their parents.
    Nevertheless, kids evolve and learn to behave with time.
    My kids are 4 and 6+, and they are much better than they were before. They will act perfect in the coming years, because me and my siblings were the naughty kids when we were young. But with time, we evolved to be the most responsible and balanced adults.

    Having said that, it is childish to ignore one kid from the neighborhood, citing her kiddish naughtiness as a reason.
    I would say, it is cruel and inhuman.
    Of course I understand the messiness they may create during the party.. As well, the disturbances! No doubt.
    No party with kids, that too with many kids happen as we plan. But that's the beauty of kids and their parties!!!

    Early this year, we celebrated our son's 6th B'day. His friends and their parents along with our close relatives and some neighbors were invited to the party.Everything was properly planned, and we informed the theme and games to the guest beforehand.

    During the last minute, my DD was unhappy since we did not invite her nursery friends. She was 3 back then, and her friends were merely 2-3 yrs old.
    So, we ended up inviting the most close ones too.And they had no idea about the party style or theme before coming here.

    During the party, all the kids were called to stand near the birthday boy, and sing Happy birthday.
    However, these little ones (my DD and her friends) didn't bother anything about it. They played with the decorated birthday cake on their own terms.
    Somewhat, for the formality sake we (of course with the corporation of the photographer) took some important photos before it became a huge mess.
    However, in no time, all these kids (older ones and little ones) started to put their hands in the cake, and played.

    The parents couldn't help much although they asked sorry and embarrassed. But we brushed it off, and made them comfortable.

    But that was the most memorable birthday in our family. Even we laugh and feel happy whenever we watch that video clip.
    Kids are kids... They mess up your plans for sure, but learn to enjoy their naughtiness.

    PS: We have a few ADSD and Autistic young kids in our neighborhood, and we always include them (whether they join or stay away from other kids)
     

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