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need suggestion

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by chinnu02, Jun 8, 2010.

  1. chinnu02

    chinnu02 New IL'ite

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    hi,
    I'm silent reader of this forum.need suggestion regarding how to proceed in life
    about me and my hubby:
    i did my engg in india and worked for 4 years in it field.my hubby too is of my age .ours is a love marriage .after 1 year of long struggle parents accepted.but still they will never leave a chance to point out on this.
    we are married for 2 years and had a kid of 8 month old.my husband loves me and good . our relationship is ok but these days its going worse reasing being i feel insecured .
    he came to us on h1 .in these two years of marriage life he has short term projects which ends in 6 to 9 mnths and need to find a new job as he works on percentage basis for indian consultancy.so with a short notice he was able to sucesfully find job everytime .but i feel tensed everytime .before pregannt once we change .again in 8th month we got to know his job is going to end and even visa extension had a query .somehow we came out of that successfully. again now he lost his job and got in sfo.due to lease i have to stay with kid in the same place as lease breakage is really a big amount.i donno how long life wil be like this.i do understand all h1 's will be sailing in the same boat but i just feel insecured and tensed .he started to invest all his savings in apartment construction 2 years back .suddenly market went down and purchases had not happend.so he has to keep from his pocket for construction.he is sending from past 2 years.so its like we dont have any savings and even am doubt whther we get the money he has put in that back.we dont have any house or investments in land also.

    he has 2 elder sis and brother younger.everyone is against him for marrying me.now his elder sis husband is not settled and she expects to get her daughter studied and contruct house for his parents.ofcourse his dad has enug money for that but she expects him to do that .eveytime she calls and reminds that u gave a word that u will do this you will do that....she is very cunning .in the front she behaves very nice infront and back she does all.she created lot of problems between us even Before marriage.i was almost in depression for the whole year befor marriage .am ok if he helps his parents but why should he taek care of his sis family .she needs to do that.i maintain a very formal relation with her.
    he gave his dad 10 laks and bought some gold worth of 3 laks for his sis daughter before marriage apart from marriage ecxpenses. but no one knows in their relations and they thinkhis son staying here has not done anything.and even he feels the same.practically seeing they are better than us .they have house atleast.we are not expecting anything from both of our parents.
    i want to start looking for job.i have two options here.i can do ms and work on cpt as getting h1 is difficult.or go back to india and join in old cmny.but just thinking i will be away from him and near to inlaws and parents will recreate problems.my parents are ok to take care o fmy child but their health is not proper and we need help of some maid.and also my inlaws and parents doesnt like eachother.wat ever one does other will find problems.but i can work and earn something for my kid and future .my husband wants me to do ms here online and work .but somehow am just fed up with him as he doesnt here me in anything and does what he like. am worried whether i can manage job,ms and kid.
    also my bro mariage will be in next year .so has to attend that.and if i go on f1 will i get visa as i will find unioveristies which has low fee.all the money goes waste and time if its rejected in the next year.am just in the dilema of what to do.....actually i had a plan to go and join in job in india in feb after my kid was born..but again thought he will change and realize now he has kid and start acting wisely.nothing happend he is same. he feels he has to help everyone .he doesnt understand we are not in that condition.whom ever asks money in his relations he gives.he knows they cant return.even then he gives...his sis calls and reminds everytime that you have to do this and that...i donno if am thinking more possessively or feeling worried unnecesarily..but i feel unsecured .i want to give soemthing good to my kid and our future.please suggest me.


    sorry for the long post.i know i may not be clear .but just point out if you find any info is not sufficient..
    thanks a lot
     
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  2. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Yeah, it was sort of hard to understand your post. Very scrambled.

    My advice based on what I understood is...

    -Since your husband's job is volatile, talk with him about saving a little extra money each month. He needs to set his siblings/parents/relatives/anyone else who expects money from him, straight. He needs to tell them in plain English: WE NEED TO SAVE. SORRY! CANT HELP YOU!

    -Explain to him you are not going to get a job just so he can continue sending money to his relatives back in India. He wanted to get married, he wanted to have a kid... now he needs to provide for you and the kid! Let him know that if you start working, the finances will have to be discussed together and decisions about money made TOGETHER.

    -If you are in dire financial straights, you shouldn't be spending $2000+ on airline tickets for you and your kid to attend your brother's wedding.
     
  3. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Chinnu, yes you are right that your DH should technically not support his married Sister , but still they are family, if he does something out of his love for her kid , it should not be objected, but surely he cannot spend money on luxuries for them. There are some people who dont mind giving others and esp when people way back in India know some one is earning in US, they feel that person became super rich, they dont know how it is to save money in US. Everyone starts expecting something or other most of the times.

    I feel you should try Indian option , saving money to build home in India will almost be impossible given the scenrios you described.
     
  4. rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with ASG...you must sacrifice attending your brothers marriage.Rest I think depends on the understanding you and ur hubby have.He must realise whats important and what not.Regarding job...atleast time being you can do some baby sitting for indian frnds or something like that?I see many of my indian frnds do that..
     

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