Need some help- don't know what to do?

Hi a lot of you may know my story with IL where they were mean to me for over 13 years and DH did not see it. He finally saw it last year when they were equally mean to him and our child. They sunk to really low levels.(We live with them) Post a year she is coming on strong like nothing ever happened. This is her mo- create havoc and drama, run away and not be held accountable and stay quiet then try to be nice and re join your lives like nothing ever happened. They did a lot of mean things to us last year and more importantly to my DH. Here is issue DH sis and DH understood that this was too much and DH encouraged me not to speak to them, have minimum to do with them as he saw their true colours. Fast forward a year and she is super buttering him up, and she tries to be nice to me in front of him but then is mean to me when he is not around. He always tells me let me k now when his mom steps out of line and he will do something.

Issue is that since she does in private he won't react and does not want to listen. As well 1 time I lost my cool in front of him towards her when she was bothering about something. Only time in the last couple of years that happened. Now he is saying that I am bringing the meanness out on my own as I am not nice to her. Girls I have been polite and and have done everything they ask me to do, I just can't be love dovy, now DH and his sis think I am the culprit as their mom is trying to be nice. She is only nice to him and could care less about me.

I want to charge forward and change nothing, I am still going to continue to be polite and do what they ask but i will not chit chat, engage with her or try to be friends with her, because then she goes telling everyone I was mean to her at an outing. Do you girls agree with me, I don't care if I lose favour with him or other members of the family I am doing what is right for me. I don't feel comfortable being fake like she does. Now she never says anything to me in front of him. It is easy for DH to forget as he is their child but not so easy for me. I just ignore her and walk away when she is mean cause I know she is trying to pick a fight then will play victim to DH and FIL and SIL. Sil (we are pretty good friends) has become distant and a little bullish lately cause she feels I am not doing enough to patch up relationship but we have been down this road too many times when we patch up until the next big thing she wants to complain about.

 

Thanks Guesshoo and Anamika99 my gut has been leaning to what you guys are saying. I know it is a bit two faced but sometimes you need to do things to avoid bigger controversies. In my head I too was thinking I can be polite and nice back and stay quiet the other times, as I do not want to participate in her crazy games of always trying to make me look bad. I was doing this before as she was not talking to me at all, but once she starts talking then the venom pours out and then I too get annoyed. Thanks ladies.

 

Yellowmango I have really thought about doing this since my DH says he needs to hear with his own ears. Other thing I was thinking to do was tell her just hold that thought and let's discuss when husband comes home, but I know this may aggravate things further??