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need some guidance

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by DasariRamya, Dec 23, 2007.

  1. DasariRamya

    DasariRamya New IL'ite

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    hai friends,
    i am getting married in march.i am very much worried about my independence.my in laws are very aged, he is the onlyone son to them.he takes decision by himself only i.e.,without consulting his parents,i am worried about that.i think this will be a problem to me.do i need to change myself or change him?
    please give me any suggestions........
    bye:shaking:
     
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  2. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    Firstly, Congratulations in advance.
    I could not understand much from your post. Is your fear about "wether you will have enough independence after marriage?"
    Or the doubt is "Why husband doesnot consult his parents?"

    However, I can definitely answer the last question

    "do i need to change myself or change him?"

    Firstly, You dont need either of it. For your future husband, please remember one thing we are all adults and NO one can change anybody. All we can do is adjust and help them adapt to us. Thats it. No one marries thinking.. My wife will come and change me as she wants. You will invite only troubles by thinking that way.

    Secondly, If you had to change yourself for any relation, then that would become extra botheration for you. A relation should be between two natural selfs. Dont coat yourself with any sugary personality. Be what you are and try to adapt with new maried life.

    All The best
    Ria'


     
  3. DasariRamya

    DasariRamya New IL'ite

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    thanks. i think i can relax now.
     
  4. Anushiv

    Anushiv Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Ramya,

    Congratz in Advance! I wish you a very happy & peaceful married life.

    Well, In general I want to give you few tips.<?xml:namespace prefix = v ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" /><v:shapetype id=_x0000_t75 stroked="f" filled="f" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" o:preferrelative="t" o:spt="75" coordsize="21600,21600"> <v:stroke joinstyle="miter"></v:stroke><v:formulas><v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"></v:f></v:formulas><v:path o:connecttype="rect" gradientshapeok="t" o:extrusionok="f"></v:path><o:lock aspectratio="t" v:ext="edit"></o:lock></v:shapetype><v:shape id=_x0000_i1025 style="WIDTH: 11.25pt; HEIGHT: 24pt" alt="0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:href="http://www.indusladies.com/forums/images/smilies/idea.gif" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\User\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image001.gif"></v:imagedata></v:shape> I do not want any other girl to commit the same mistake, which I did.

    1. First, when we are newly married...we tend to be excited, nervous & as a result, we will try to please everybody esp. IN- LAWS.
    Avoid being ' goody-goody', be your-self, smart & sharp in everything.

    2. Second most problem...many will face is.... the habit of getting up late, this is a common problem & in most cases, the issues (or conflict) will arise in this matter only!
    If U experience these...do not worry, it is natural & avoid feeling guilty!

    3. Thirdly, Never talk bad or discuss about your family politics with your in-laws. <v:shape id=_x0000_i1026 style="WIDTH: 16.5pt; HEIGHT: 14.25pt" alt="0" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:href="http://www.indusladies.com/forums/images/smilies/tsk.gif" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\User\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image002.gif"></v:imagedata></v:shape>Always give a good impression about your family members.

    Otherwise, first observe their family patterns, behavior, and custom & later slowly talk about yours.

    4, And always remember...the first few days...the words you utter will have great weight age...people around there will be waiting to judge you. So, give reply confidently & do not stoop!<v:shape id=_x0000_i1027 style="WIDTH: 11.25pt; HEIGHT: 11.25pt" alt="0" type="#_x0000_t75"> <v:imagedata o:href="http://www.indusladies.com/forums/images/smilies/shakehead.gif" src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\User\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image003.gif"></v:imagedata></v:shape>

    5. Last but not the least, if you are in the 'tight corner', do not know how or what to answer / how to deal a situation remain ' silent', sometimes silence can help you.

    Well, that is all I remember now...wish you all the best!
     
  5. DasariRamya

    DasariRamya New IL'ite

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    hai,
    thanks for everything.i will remember what u have said.
    once again thanks.
     

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